Hi
The addictions and obsessions just indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.
That did not mean that I was any thing else but emotionally vulnerable.
It did not mean that I was a weak person, exactly the opposite I had experienced and suffering many pains and trauma and simply by that fact I was vulnerable survivor yet I was not able to heal my self from the pains of my past.
So today I do understand that I was nothing less than a person who was not able to help the hurt inner child in me.
So for the meaning of word recovery is healing.
Yet the recovery program will only help a willing person who was willing to open up and admit that they both want and need to heal so that they no longer feel emotionally vulnerable.
The recovery program will only help people become healthy if they want it.
The recovery program would help me help myself, once I was willing to commit my time and my efforts towards a healthier living.
It all starts with Just today ONLY I will not gamble, once I abstain from one addiction or obsession we stop hurting our self.
The recovery program would help me stop trying to escape in my fears.
By reducing my fears would also help me open up more and trust more.
The healthy people in the recovery program will demonstrate what is healthy to them at that time.
We will start to understand it is very rare for a person to stop Gambling right away, often it is a process of people admitting they gambled recently and that honesty is the basis of how recovery.
Every time we go back to Gambling we learn how much we were vulnerable before we had our last bet, and start to understand our last emotional trigger was.
Walking in to the recovery is very unsettling, we are admitting we need help, in my thinking I thought people would think I was a weak person.
By listening and sharing our experiences we understand that we are no longer alone, the guilt and regret reduces because we start to understand more about our self and our unhealthy reactions to people life and situations I could not cope with.
Some might think that by admitting we are vulnerable that we can not change our vulnerability.
In our therapies we learn to articulate our self in healthy ways.
The confusion of our thinking that our addition Gambling made us happy, the that buzz was happiness, the truth is the that buzz was not happiness, it was in fact adrenaline based on all of our collective fears.
All the time we live in high levels of fear it was very easy to go in to panic mode and completely loose control of our life and our clear thinking.
The recovery program would help me understand how unhealthy I was, I had after all lost all faith confidence and self esteem in myself, I had in effect got in to the unhealthy habit of beating myself up and calling myself names.
On me walking in to the recovery program I was also very lost and confused and did not how to find a healthy way of living.
By abstaining we stop causing our self further pains, and by stop hurting our self we get some time with reduced pains, yet still not sure of our selves.
Was one meeting per week enough for me, sadly no I was so emotionally traumatized I needed more time in the meetings, yet by being in recovery there was far less chance of me turning to my gambling addiction.
It is well know that people will be cross addicted before entering the recovery program, or will become cross addicted after entering the recovery program, we understand it is just another away of escaping how vulnerable we still feel.
On seeing and hearing peoples therapy we think that their life is not possible for us, that is lack of confidence and lack of self esteem and over time as we achieve more with our life we find a greater potential in our self.
I use to think and feel that money would make me feel successful, then one day I met a very wealthy person, I asked if you are happy now you have acquired so much money in your life.
The man asked me if I thought his goal in life was money, I sad yes, he laughed, he said my goal in life was never money, my goal in life was to be successful, it was never about money.
He explained that because he was successful in the things he did he received more money, but money was never his goal.
That was a light bulb moment, got me thinking what my goals were.
I now understand that success is about my healthy actions and my my healthy actions words.
Yet on walking in the recovery program my only goal was to stop Gambling, nothing else, I did not fully understand that the recovery would not change my thinking, it would help me make much healthier choices every day in my life.
Just for today I do not want or need to gamble, that is very healthy for me.
Just for today I do not want or need to get drunk, that is very healthy for me.
Just for today I do not want or need to smoke, that is very healthy for me.
Just for today I do not want to hurt myself or other people, that is very healthy for me.
Just for today I do not want to live in any kind of fear, that is very healthy for me.
Just for today I do not want to be angry discontent lonely or inadequate, that is very healthy for me.
The recovery program has helped me help myself more than I ever thought was possible.
How much do I want to love myself today.
How much do I want to value myself today.
How much do I want to respect myself today.
Love and peace to every one.
For me abstaining from my addictions and my obsessions opened up a much healthy life for me and my family than I ever thought was possible.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK
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