Anyone else go in the chat room? Was thinking about going in there tonight?
Do you know what I get annoyed with? I'm trying my f****n hardest and trying to be happy yet the s**t I have got off my missus today for absolutely no reason is a joke! Normally would turn to gambling but I ain't I'm better than that! As much as we try as recovering gamblers, when the s**t hits the fan you are always reminded on what a 'terrible person' you are. Every argument for the rest of our lives if our other half has stuck with us it will be brought up! Not happy ! Really p1ssed off again!
Day 22 gamble free
f@cked off
I feel your pain I always get it thrown in my face, if Ye didn't gamble this if Ye didn't gamble that, I just nod now and think yer whatever, don't think they understand that being constantly reminded of it does not help at all, plus noticed you said before she is pregnant, a pregnant lady in the heat isn't a great combination either she's prob hormonal as you said your self they always take it out on the ones closest to them, it's like water of a ducks back when it's thrown in my face now goes right over my head, not allowing anyone or anything to set me back.
As for chat thing I've head people talk about that but wasn't sure what it was all about might have look into tho.
Hi Gav , just dropped by to say thanks for the drop by and your kind comment's , I'd just noticed the I'm not to blame camp getting to you and I can fully understand you feelings on that one but hey mate , if we all agreed on everything life would just be boring !!.
Looked at your last post and I empathise with you buddy as much as your trying to be happy and put things behind you the slightest thing will seem to drag you down ? . I'm not sounding harsh but somertimes is about us too , as much as you feel quite happy inside were still a mixed bag of emotions especially in early recovery and if anyone dares say even the slightest thing out of place , we can take it all the wrong way and feel under constant attack , sometimes just deep breath's and walk away for a while can help ?
I know when I was where you are , I felt the same and was sorely tempted to think f it , what's the point but thats what gambling wants you to do , to justify itself with an excuse to have another punt , after all weve done that for years right , run away when we don't want to deal with life's Cr.ap ?.
Your doing just fine Gav . working through the stages , one day at a time , it will get better buddy and everyday you put space between you and your last bet life will improve , maybe not as fast as you or I would like but it will improve .
Be proud of 22 days my friend , huge achievement and another week you'll be looking back at a month !!.
Stay safe fella !
Best wishes .....................Alan
Rylex and Alan... Both your continuos support means so much so thank you!
A lot calmer now! Me and the missus are fine. Alan I think you are right when you say we have a short fuse. The withdrawal can do this to us. Anyway going to get some sleep now. Day off work tomorrow because my daughter has her sports day! Looking forward to that. Fastest in her year last year... Won everything. So proud of her!
Speak tomorrow people
Day 22 gamble free
Not so f@cked off lol
Hi SwordFish
A big well done for not turning to gambling in times of stress, it would have been so easy.
Keep up the good work.
Paul
Thanks Paul.
Just home from my daughters sports day! She done brilliantly bless her. Feeling good today. Councilling tonight and looking forward to that.
Stay gamble free people
Day day 23 gamble free
One day at a time
I will not win because I will not stop
I have just started a thread in overcoming but wanted to share the post on my diary aswell. I basically want to keep myself motivated by writing down a regular experience of a normal gambling day that I used to go through and the feelings I had physically and mentally. It choked me up writing it because I never want to re live that hell I put myself through..
So... Money in my pocket, day off, "do you want anything from the shop babe"
"Yea we need milk, toilet roll and something for dinner"
"Ok darling back in a bit"
Now... This is the time to gamble. I'm going in. Heart is racing (no longer enjoyment) it's fear this is. I'm scared literally why am I doing this to myself? Because I want more!
I park up, I'm walking in! What am I going to do? I'd like a football bet for the weekend so my aim is to win £40 to bet on that. How shall i do it? On a dog? A horse? Let's look at the form (heart still racing) next race not for 8 minutes... Ok, walk up to the machine... Hearts pumping, in goes the first note, LOSER! 20 quid gone now I need 60! Another 20 LOSER now I need 80!! Can't afford to lose 40 quid. In goes 40 quid I'll double up now! Surely a winner in a minute! NOPE now I'm 80 down! f.ck the football bet I just want my money back! Another 40 in! LOSER now I'm in trouble! I only had 200 for the week now only got 80! I'm f@cked now! My missus is going to go mental anyway. Look up there... 6/4 favourite... 80 on that will give me everything back.
2ND...what am I going to do?
Walking out the bookies all red and heart racing! Feel terrible. Realise I've got 6 quid in bank to pick up a few bits from shop! Go home my wife and daughter all happy! I need to sort this! What am I going to do?? I start applying for loans- DECLINED I start cancelling direct debits! CANCELLING the RENT! Ok that's sorted now! Now I need to borrow 200 I ring family! My wife is still unaware! I'm trembling.... I'm a compulsive gambler......
There it is.... Please feel free to add any more feelings that anyone else has gone through that we never want to go trough again. It keeps me motivated!
Day 23 gamble free
I will not win because I will not stop
Well Well Well My fav non gambling friend.
I was reading that and my heart started racing! i could actually feel what you were doing, from the parking up to the canceling direct debts to taping up the bank of mum and dad!
Day 19 my friend tomorrow will be day 20! Your doing amazing you keep it up!
PS i have eaten a sandwich and some weetabix today!
Cheers mate why have you taken 4 days off me?? Lol day 23 mate get an Indian tonight mate remember 🙂
Hi buddy , that about sums it up really ? , I was the same , I'd walk into town sayimg I wasn't going to have a bet but I'd already put £100 more in my pocket than I would need , plus my bank card and acredit card for good measure , so you could say I'd already made sure I was all tooled up for the contest ! , I'd then think " Oh I'll pop in and have a bet before shopping and see if I can win a few quid , you know what happened then , lost , drew more from the closely situated cashpoint , lost and then put what I was planning to buy in the first place on my credit card , really is no wonder how I never had any spare money , just a big CC bill by the end of the month !!. My other excuse during a weekend was a visit to B& Q for esential diy stuff , funny how they never had it in stock but it got me an hour in the bookies !.
Stay safe fella !
I dont know why i said that.... Must be the dodgy indian i had for lunch haha
It really is amazing how you can feel ok at a certain time and then the slightest thing the slightest argument (in this case my members of staff at work) can rip you open and make you want to smash your head against a wall so hard it's unimaginable! I guess it's all to do with withdrawing! Have a good evening people
Gaz
Yeah , told ya !! Keep smiling buddy and deep breaths .
Yeah , told ya !! Keep smiling buddy and deep breaths .
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