Well, yesterday was day 7. I f****n blew it. I had some money, I tried to fight the urge, it won, I Gambled, I lost, all ways. Was like a thing possessed yesterday. Later, the come down, the tears, the self hatred. Why oh bloody why do I do this? . If it was drugs or booze I would have been dead years ago, gambling is the devils recreation.
Today is day 1. Sat down and had a good think today about changes I need to make to my life. Was awake til 3am talking to my other half last night. I've told him I'm broken and there's no fixing me. I told him he has to do what makes him happy, because I want to see him happy no matter what. I've lived with Fred(not his real name) for 5 years, and boy has life put us both through the ringer. Today after work we went to the pub. He told me he is looking for a house to buy, he loves me to bits but needs his own stability. I totally get that, I'm extremely blody hard work. We both agreed stuff and despite not living together we are going to continue our relationship. I have mixed feelings to be honest, part dismayed part hopeful. I don't know what the future holds, I know I need to sort myself out though. I love him to bits but I just keep hurting him, I'm a witch. I'm a gambling infested, bet ridden hag. I only need one thing really. A time machine. Not gonna happen, is it.
stace86 wrote: It's ok camsmum, tomorrow is a new day and day 1. You can and will do this. It will just take time. Stacey x
Thanks Stacey. Back to day one today, I'm making a plan of action for when I get bad urges, if I can get through the bad days, the good days are a breeze. Thank you, hope your ok Stacey, love Jx
Day 2. Haven't even wanted a bet today, it's been a good day, no urges. Lots to think about, uncertain future.
Ok, how do you gamble? Online?
I’m unable to find the route you gamble down.
CJ.
CJ. wrote:
Ok, how do you gamble? Online?
I’m unable to find the route you gamble down.
CJ.
Hi CJ. I gamble online, or in slots arcades. I joined Gamstop, it's not idiot proof unfortunately, neither is any form of self exclusion. I've found a way around them all, me being such an a*s.
stace86 wrote: Hi camsmum, hope your doing ok.
Hi Stacey love, I'm ok, strangely calm despite things. Day 3 today, no gambling. I hope you and the kids are ok love Jx
Interesting. We are all different and that’s what makes the world :the way it is.
I’ve had the exclusion in place and it prevents me to not want to gamble. I know I could do a number of things if I wanted to gamble to get around the block but what’s the point of blocking if I do that?
What do you lose or potentially lose? What do you win by not gambling?
What makes you happy?
Keep going you are doing great.
CJ.
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