Yet again, i want to quit.

Nothing wrong with a blip, don't beat yourself up over it. You need to fill the empty time and I know easier said than done.

Do you have any support at home? If not, try to get a hobby, another network of friends outside gambling, not sure what your vices are but mine were roulette in the bookies, not on-line which I am so glad about.

You have kids, if ever a reason to turn your life around, there it is - even though it's only once a week.

Hi All, another year down the road and things have chjanged very little. When I posted this last year I stopped again for about 2 months and then went and gambled again in May, then stopped again and then gambled in October. My father passed away shortly after this and I said to myself i will stop for good (how many times I have said that I don't know!!). That lasted util May 2012 and I again gambled...thought it was a blip so stopped again but last Bank Holiday Tuesday and today I gambled again. I seem to go a short space of time between goinging back to the gambling. Its driving me insane and I shut myself off alot after...the biggest problem for me is knowing I am in my 40's and have not been able to stop for good in the many years i have been trying. What i have seen is that when i am keeping busy and occupied I am fine...its when I am stressed and start thinking about the past and the money that has been lost that i tend to go back to the gambling. Its changed me as a pesron and I am finding it difficult to change back to what I was before it all started. Life isn't great and my thinking is far from good. I know one day i will be stopping for good but for now I have stopped gain but can't say for how long.

never easy trying to stop i have two forms of gambling and have stopped on one now for 2 months that is the longest i have away from it. i have found in an effort to stop adding to the problem having a basic bank card and canceling my debit card did wonders.

Hi Promise

I like the idea that you want to quit rather than you need to quit. This says alot about your motivation to stop. If you want to do something then it is up to you to get out there and do it. There are a few things you cn do to aid yourself in this quest to stay stopped. Self exclusion is paramount in my opinion. It is a surefire way of giving yourself take up time if you feel like gambling. Also regularly posting on here is a good way of expressing how you feel good or bad. Speak to netline on here as well and you'll get some ideas as to what else you can do to stay stopped. Hope you *** it this time but it isn't down to luck it is down to, in your words, wanting to!!

Take care

Its been 3 years since I last posted and I am still struggling to stop the gambling. I always get to a stage where I think I am fine and then after having spent money on things that I actually need I go and self destruct. It happened last month and again this month. The longest I have managed to go without gambling is about 6 months now. I joined this forum back in 2008, and have stopped many times and relapsed many times aswell. Previously I always thought it was due to being in a bad relationship, that was finalised this year...so why am I still gambling?? Maybe its the fact that I had to pay out 40K to get rid of the evil woman...I don't think that is the reason why so I am not using it as an excuse, there are no excuses. Its like smoking either you stop or you don't...I haven't and I want to so badly and have done for years but its always there. How many of you have relapsed and how often does it happen to you....is there a pattern to why we relpse so many times..what is that magic secret..anyone?

Promise,

I don't think there is a magic secret! I relapsed every day for many years but have been fortunate now to find a supportive partner & strength in this type of website to help me on my way to recovery. You have had very long periods of abstinence so you know you can do it, you just have to have more belief in yourself & not get complacent!

Let these last few days of 2014, be the start of your new gamble free life where you finally kick those urges into touch for good

- ODAAT

ODAAT thank you for your comments, and your totally right about getting complacent. I am sure we all recognise the stage where you start feeling better about yourself and the urges decrease. As time goes by the self confidence increases and you begin to think you are no longer addicted because you have stayed away for X days/montrhs/years...I know as I have had those feelings time and time again and everytime I relapsed because I thought I could "control" how I gambled. We all want t feel we are in "control" of our lives but as addicts we can NEVER be in "control" of how we gamble as the gambling "control"s US as soon as we start again. If I have a loss (normally big ones in my case) I abstain for maybe a number of months, if I have few wins I then gamble regularly until I have that big loss.....its always inevitable that this will happen and it HAS everytime I relapse. I will be honest and say that I have no idea about the number of times I have tried to stop and relapse again even though I have not been posting her for a number of years....I always say never gambling again....doesn't that sound familiar? The one and only positive I have is that I am still attempting to give up and will succeed and that is something I believe that I can do.

Today is Day 1 as I gambled yesterday but will not gamble today and many tomorrows to come.

Hi Promise,

This is my 1st time 'clean' in all the many years I have been gambling & it is words such as this that I truly hope will pull me through the dark days when I think I am better than this vile addiction that has blighted my whole life in one way or another (my Mother continues to self destruct)! I am too early in my recovery to make suggestions as you know you can last for months @ a time & I have yet to prove that! Maybe this time you too will find the strength to put the past behind you & stick with your handle knowing that you are inspiration for people like myself & others yet to find this site! Don't be a stranger to here, especially if you do slip because this may be the difference between chucking away all your financial hard work & a minor blip!

You so can do this - ODAAT

Your recovery is important Promise. Thats the reason you posted on Day 1.

Looking forward to reading your progress. I relapsed like many others so dont give yourself too much of a hard time

Hi Promise... I understand, my gambling story is very similar. Stopping, starting, stopping, starting. Its maddening and its like the definition of madness goes..... "to keep doing the same things over and over, expecting different results".... The results are never different, just more of the same.

As with you I have been living with this for many many years and have now reached a point in my early 40's where i think.... there has to be a different way. I can't go on like this. If i do then i will continue to be sad and lonely for the rest of my life and then i will die.

It starts with no gambling ODAAT. I am getting back on the recovery boat once again and by the sounds of it so are you. Read and post a little more often perhaps. It can't do any harm. Take care... S.A

Day 2 today, as you all will know that feeling of numbness which is the aftermath..thats where I am today and will be for a few days more. I am off work and don't go back until the 2nd of January, and once there will think i am working for nothing...strange why we think that isn't it....we work and we do get paid but after throwing the earnings away you feel like working is pointless...i know for sure my concentration at work will be greatly reduced as its happened in the past...sometimes I am amazed I still have a job at all....fortunately I do so I know it could be alot worse. I want to get through 2015 without gambling and joined the 2015 Challenge yesterday. I am on Day 2 and really want to make it 30 years instead of 2 days since i last gambled. We are all in a more positive frame of mind when we don't gamble so lets get and stay positive. Take Care All.

Hi Promise,

I undertsand what you say. I work hard for my money. I get hit, spat at and deal with all manner of bodilly fluids in my work with challenging autistic kids... to then go and throw it all away gambling. I now face the prospect of having to perform again in the new term and coping with whatever so I can earn money (which i currently have none of) to keep a roof over my head. It feels like working to survive only. Its very stressful, especially being a contractor and booked work could be withdrawn at any time. Of course all of this is of my own making. I dug my hole and now i have to dig myself out. I undertsand working for nothing thinking. never again do i want to be in this position.

Looking forward to 2015 and positive times... regards.. S.A

Yup its 2015 tomorrow, another year. I am hoping its the first one I can say I have not gambled in and by the end of 2015 I can hold my jead up high and feeel good about myself...something I have been able to do only for fleeting moments over the years or in pretence when in company. I am trying to dig myself out of despair and its only the first week since i self harmed....thats what I am calling the gambling as its self harm in the financial and mental sense which leads to the physical sense and ultimateley isolation as we hide away from things thinking if i don't leave the house or my room then i cannot self harm (my addiction is fobt's at bookmakers).

Heres to 2015 where i hope and pray we can all make OURSELVES richer with what life truly has to offer rather then making those that own the bookies and sites wealthier with our cash.

Ditto... I could have written that post myself.

All gambling is to me now is a way to self-harm. Its very effect in that respect. As with you I am trying to dig myself out of despair. I am retreating to my bed alot at the moment. I am either going on punishing runs or lying in bed, with not alot in between.

Feeling good about myself feels like a very long way off. I am yet to fully feel the consequnces of my latest gambling binges. I just hope that i can stay strong enough within myself to weather the storms... quite literally in my case as i cycle in all weathers to get to work.

Anyhow am with you all the way in the desire to live a better quality of life gambling free. Regards... S.A