Yip done it again...need to screw the nut!

Hi lennyd

I suppose welcome back isn't the right greeting under the circumstances, I can relate to your post a lot, I am a compulsive gambler like you although it's been a while since I let it mentally do my head in.

My dad had a great saying "If my auntie had boll ocks she would be my uncle" lol, I never quite knew what it meant until I started gambling ....

I decided over two years ago that I wasn't going to do my head in with gambling I'd been there done that for nearly 20 years and I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.

One lesson that took me a very long time to learn is, I can't win because I can't stop, every time my addiction would tell me I'll win big, go on one bet won't hurt, it will be different this time , but every time it was the same, anger, frustration, depression, lies to myself and my family, anxiety, all those horrible destructive emotions induced by my addiction .

The results were always the same every time, so each day now I make a choice do I want to live in the light or do I want to drag myself back to the dark......

Not today.....

Make the right choice each day ,one day at a time ...

Best wishes in your recovery

Take care

Blondie

Thanks for the reply Blondie and hopefully I can use your advice in a positive way. I hate the darkness that gambling sends me into, the secrets and anxiety. I already suffer from anxiety so it doesn't help. One day at a time and don't get ahead of myself I think should be my motto. I quit cigarettes a few years ago and since then I started gambling more and more, especially online football betting. It's like I've swapped one addiction for another.

Thanks again

Lennyd

I'm nearly ready to come clean again!!, I've had months off and on over the last couple of years but I've been gambling solid for the last month. Sports betting only and mainly online, I've not got much of a choice with online bookies as im self excluded from the majority although I have one with Betway at the moment. I had a fairly big win a few weeks ago but ive lost all that and a fair bit more. I have had a few bets (£200) over the weekend and I have no money in my bank. It looks like I need to spill the beans to my other half tonight so I can get some savings to cover my losses.

I feel so much better when I am clean (no gambling) but it seems to suck me back in. I hate the depression and guilt that comes with it. I know I need to stop before it gets really silly, as my bets recently are getting bigger and bigger. I get crabbit with my family when I am betting and hate myself for it. Need to do it for them as well.

It started with playing pitchy (pitch & toss) as a kid then puggys in the pubs (slots) then a bet on the Grand National got me into the horses for a few years but the last few years it has been mainly football/sports bets and the need to chase is stronger and stronger.

Keep posting on your diary Lenny and i'll watch out for you over the next weeks and months. I'm on Day 1 and you're on Day 1 so we're in this together...

Thanks Change and I'l keep updated on yours. Day 1 again!! Its a slog to think about it but I know how good it feels to be clean from gambling so that is what gives me hope and determination.

I really need rid of the worry. It's too much to keep in my mind. My mind has been non stop racing since losing money. I'm so annoyed. Credit card needs to go.

Good morning, Day 2 today. I explained to my wife last night what had been going on again so after a bit of a telling off she is depositing £200 from our savings into my bank account today to cover my losses from the weekend. I feel better already knowing I have come clean but I am worried about falling off the wagon again. Really going to try and be strong and focused and keep this diary updated.

The weekend will be the hardest as a beer and a bet is what i thought i used to enjoy. I will just have to keep busy and after reading one of your earlier posts Change I think I will start some DIY which I can do at nights. Nights are the time when I put some bets on....

Good idea Lenny... bits of DIY are a way to pay back the mrs. It's the sort of activity you don't do when you're gambling as you're too busy watching the game or checking the scores. Keep focused and good luck today.

Day 3 today.

I feel good that I haven't had a bet, although if i was still betting i would definitely had a bet last night on the football.

For the first time since I
realised I have a gambling problem I now in myself understand that I cannot win as I can't stop. Before I would still think I could have a bet for fun but I now know I can't.

It's going to be hard but I know I can do it.

Lenny

Well done Lenny... it's still really early days. I've totally avoided sport feeds so didn't even know there were any games on. I always find the first week or so easy as I'm still raging from a relapse. How's other things going aside from gambling? You done any DIY?

Cheers Change, Yes I know it is very early days. I have tried to stop a few times as well and relapsed. I usually stop watching sport as well when I stop but I am Scottish so I had to watch the Scotland V Japan match at work. Over the moon the way we played!!. I've had a few thoughts of betting but just passing thoughts, I know my big test is this weekend. DIY? Not started anything yet but I have plans to do my sons bedroom so I need to get out to get paint. He plays a lot of football and I help coach his team plus I play a round of golf at weekends, so I am fairly busy and on the go. My issue is when I settle down for the night with a beer and feel I need that rush!!

I have took a lot of class A drugs in my life although I dont now, but I seriously do think there is an addictive rush that I get through betting in my brain/body, just need to nail it on the head. Thing is as well I cycle most days to work 20mile round trip and see if I dont do it for a few days I feel terrible. I know I suffer from anxiety and a low mood on occasion so the exercise obviously helps the feel good factor.

How are you getting on Change?

I'm doing ok thanks. Things going round in my head but not seething today just trying to figure out why I do what I do... or more correctly did what I did. I think I'm making some progress as think there is something deeper there rather than just financial.

Just picking up on beer and rest point... were you gambling drunk or is it not a drinking issue? Also was it force of habit... so work done, food eaten, tv on and look at betting and then repeat every day? Or do you bet at other times... so in the morning and on the mobile at work etc? Do you need a drink and tv after work or could you do something else to take away that time but still have a rest etc?

20 mile cycle is a good shift. You must be pretty fit. Imagine you do want a rest at nights but just thinking of any ways to break a cycle. GA meetings are good if you can go and just let loose don't worry about the past as trust me there will be tales others can tell that will far surpass your own tales! Keep up the good work though!

Yes I would gamble drunk which could get me into trouble. Eg putting silly bets on. But also I've spent years of looking forward to the wkend to study the form when it was horses then football to see how I could win some money.
Gambling drunk I suppose could be an issue but the last couple of years I don't really get drunk I just enjoy a few beers. Although this I know this affects my senses while betting.

Thing is my car needs fixed and I could do with a couple of new bits for the bike. I don't have the money for this as I've lost about 7-800 in the last 2 months. Might not seem a lot to some people but it's a lot of money to myself.