1250 days and counting

Hi all 

I have not gambled online for 1250 days.I no longer cringe or have strong emotions when adverts come on about online reels.I don’t kid myself it’s a pandora box that needs to stay locked.I know I would have no control if I allowed myself to go on sites.

what is different for me? 
I told my OH this time and handed over all financial responsibility to him.he knows what goes in/out and I now have his trust back and I want to keep that.

I have a stress job so I have found other ways to distress ….I  took up painting and gardening to keep me occupied. 
my trigger was boredom.then drawn in by the dopamine rush on my brain .

I told close family and I am accountable to them. What helped knowing that even though I had fallen and they were angry and hurt and confused they still loved me. 

If I fall I risk everything …my families trust and my relationship .

I am still paying off debt but I am able to and I can now see what we can do with the money instead.

I have an impulsive Adrenalin seeking brain.10 years ago I had my first brush with gambling got into debt and then stayed free for 8 years.this time around it was more debt .the difference I told someone and asked for help and accepted that I am and always will be an addict to the thrill so I can never trust myself to manage.there is life and light at the end of the tunnel.I trusted that my brain can be retrained to healthy habits snd also that my lack of control when exposed will always be there .so not to be complacent .

I still feel so sorry towards the ones I love and I have their forgiveness .I just haven’t got to the stage of forgiving myself and that is a shame that stays with me but I need that not  to be complacent . 

I talk to myself in my head to consciously remind myself of the pros and cons . 
each day is a step away from the worst times and a day closer to debt free and less worry 

I am not the  strongest willed person in the world so it can be done x 

h.