146 days

I've been away for a few days but first day back in work & delighted that you got through the festive racing period unscathed (next stop getting through the saturation coverage mid march).

The feelings of regret will surely never leave us but hopefully diminish over time.

How many times have you thought, "i've lost this much, might as well gamble more ?"

You have your wife, your grandkids and your health. Not too shabby is it ?

Stay strong - you should be proud how far you have got so far.

K2 wrote:

I've been away for a few days but first day back in work & delighted that you got through the festive racing period unscathed (next stop getting through the saturation coverage mid march).

The feelings of regret will surely never leave us but hopefully diminish over time.

How many times have you thought, "i've lost this much, might as well gamble more ?"

You have your wife, your grandkids and your health. Not too shabby is it ?

Stay strong - you should be proud how far you have got so far.

I second these sentiments completely. Just reading back some old posts... you really, really should feel proud. This is a life change for you, you deserve some serious credit for finally surrendering to the behemoth that is gambling and getting on with your life.

Hi Al

I felt compelled to message you again as I read loads more of your posts last night until the wee hours and I've been thinking a lot about you today...

1). That post you wrote about the dog you bought and the hare hitting it on the back of the head was one of the funniest things I have ever read on here! Even writing this now produces a wry smile from me :o) loved that

2) when you speak about being 70+ and the regrets you have about not seeing the light earlier, it breaks my heart... In fact last night it brought a tear to my eye. There are no words I can write which will magically whisk you back in time, however as you know I am 35 and am still picking up the pieces after my latest gambling explosion, the fallout will take years to repair... I have gambled all my adult life and have finally 'seen the light' as you alluded to before. Mate, for what it's worth, you have inspired me more than you'll ever know. I know that's not going to change your situation in any way, and to be honest mine has a long way to go before improving, however I truly believe that post you wrote was meant to find me. I would have definitely been like you posting in my later years about gambling over and over if it hadn't clicked after reading that post. That post did more than you can ever imagine for me. Just think, I have a young son, 2 years old. An innocent child... It is no exaggeration when I tell you that you may have saved his future with what you wrote. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your candid honesty.

3) this thread is not about me, it's about you! This depression you speak of... Let's talk about it. You have gambled for many decades, gambling has been coarsing through your veins and has (and still is to a certain degree) engrained within your fabric. However, these feelings you are experiencing - THEY ARE PERFECTLY NATURAL AND ARE SYMBOLIC OF A SUCCESSFUL RECOVERY SO FAR. Take gambling away from your existence and of course you'll feel lost, empty and devoid of purpose. your mind and body are lost for the while, they want it back! But you're soul and spirit says otherwise... That's why you're doing this now.

2 things...

When I was in my teens (before I developed into an addict) - I would do things off the cuff, let's play football, let's go to play snooker, let's go to the park. Now, because my body and mind are dependent, there needs to be a trade off. I would only go to the snooker club to drink, only play footie so I can smoke a few cigs on the way there and back, take those dependencies away and the activities now would lose all appeal. Before I was an addict I indulged in the purity of those activities... As your body and mind resets you will too leave the depression by the way side and indulge in the purity of life again. Trust me (and this is why you should anyways...)

I read an article about a man who lost his boy to cancer. He said over and over that he would give up the rest of his life just to spend one more day with his son again. Of course an extent of your malaise lies in the fact that you are looking back at lost time and also wondering how much more of it you will enjoy now that you are liberating yourself from a bet... However you HAVE TO ride this depression out and you HAVE TO seize every day by the balls once you start to enjoy the purity of life again. That bloke I speak of is dead inside forever. The choice to enjoy life has virtually been swept from under his feet (through no fault of his own i
must add). 150 odd days ago yours was given back to you.

I really hope you read this and I REALLY hope you keep in touch with me on my diary. You really are a wise head on wise shoulders. I just won't hit you up any time soon if I'm thinking of buying a dog ;o)

Take care al look after yourself.

Hi Signalman,

What a great post its given me such a mental lift. Would like to point out im 63 so dont start putting VAT on the total i was born in 1955 lol. I just started gambling in my early teens,and did it for more than 40 years. This forum is based on mutual support and knowing youre only 35 and have a young son inspires and motivates me to save hopefully decent young men and women your age and younger before you finally fall into the pit of dispair its taken me so long to claw my way out of.

Imagine taking up a career in boxing and youve just had your 50th consecutive loss yet despite this you keep telling yourself youre gonna be heavy weight champion of the world one day and no one can convince you otherwise. The point of rock bottom is when youve had enough of having your jaw or nose broken and you can take no more punishment.

Sad really but thats how it is for a CG we all have different pain thresholds, some learn faster than others and some never learn. For sure none of us stop till weve hit that point and in the meantime the devil is picking our pocket stealing the moment you should have been at your sons graduation,your grandsons first goal for the school team, youre grandaughters christening.

These are the things i truly lost and cant replace. In hindsight the money i lost and chased ( creating more debt ) seem rather irrelevant im not starving, im not expecting baliffs. For me the greatest cost is knowing i can never recreate those precious moments of joy. The real crown jewels in my life that i placed so little value on.

I cant make your mind up for you Signalman but if you miss the opportunity to rid yourself of this wretched cancer we call addiction it maybe youre on here telling similar tales of a life wasted and that would break my heart. Since i joined Gamcare in August the horizontal champion of the world whos trophy cabinet is overflowing with SILVER medals has refused NOTHING from self exclusion, shop exclusion, and counselling. If i can give something back to people like you whove helped me navigate my way through this journey with unconditional support and friendship i feel i can at last win my final bout and defeat this horrible addiction 1 day at a time.

Further to the welfare of my beloved world beating greyhound his knee joint never recovered following an injury on the track. A family was kind enough to adopt him and after going blind in 1 eye being knocked over by a car and developing arthritis.I think they called him LUCKY lol.

Stay Strong My Friend

AL

Oh wow I'm SOOO glad you read my post Al and I am overjoyed with your beautiful and heartfelt response :o)

What you write has a deep impact on me. Ok then if you're only 63 have you thought of writing a book! You write beautifully and I get the impression you have seen many things, great potential for a writer then, that could be something to achieve before you hit the 70 mark! Ha ha

I am chuffed you have a little mental lift from my post. I read yours and just had to reply to you as you seem like a great guy who doesnt deserve to be stuck in a malaise.

I stayed up late tonight reading and writing on gamcare (drank too much coffee at GA, can't sleep now!) But I'll go to sleep happy now knowing you read my post and also knowing you feel slightly better than you felt the other day. Hang in there buddy, remember your mind and body need time to heal and reset... That's all the malaise is... That's all. In time these feelings will pass and be replaced by beautiful feelings and beautiful times.

Stay in touch!

Hi AL,

just popping in to see that you are still doing well

Past the 160 days mark ?

All ok this end, bar the fact that I have hardly touched my debts and haven't made the gym this week.

In unity, strength, solidarity & resistance.

K2

Hi Ken,

Good to hear from you as always. Still gamble free but like you missed the gymn. Still keeping busy especially now the school holidays are over back to taking my grandsons to school. If my memory serves me correct its 144 days for you today. What a fantastic achievement but like you say theres no room for complacency.

Just for today i will not gamble.

Stay Strong

AL