An unhealthy relationship with money!

The good news is that you can improve your relationship with money. If I can do it (single older person on NMW, ZHC on PT hours, zero benefits, with zero assets also) then anyone can.

I was driving home earlier thinking about the importance of  'good financial hygiene' - ie clean financial transactions, clean bank statements, and a knowledge of what is going in and out. I use a lot of spreadsheets, which I started originally to reassure myself that there would be enough, because lackful thinking and job insecurity at my age is what contributed to my financial misbehaviour. As we all know, that made everything worse not better.  Anyway, these days I use my spreadsheets to keep me on track, but I do still look at them every day. They contain mini budgets for every aspect of my life as well as the major overview.

And I am starting (in a very small way, because of there being not much spare) to save.

But. although the figures are small, my efforts have definitely improved my relationship with money.

Gambling makes you spend it faster than it comes in, which is a sure-fire way to feel instantly bad and insecure and worried. I don't want to feel like that anymore, which is why I did something about it.

The easiest way to have money is to spend less than your income. Continually, so that you start building a little bit of reserve.

Then once that is in place, as a habit, it's time to get creative and think of other ways to improve income. For younger people this may be through job change/promotion, but for me that's unrealistic and I have to think of maybe buying/selling instead as a way to generate extra cash.

So no instant fix but a it's a whole lot healthier than wishing and hoping on the turn of a spin you can't afford for an outcome that is probably already heavily rigged against you.

And then, in normal every day life, when good stuff does happen (and it will, because from time to time it does) your mindset just won't allow any of it to go to waste.

I have plans for what to do with a spare £1k all the way up to a life-changing £500k. And every penny of it will have a specific job to do which does not involve gambling.

Why does whatever we have never feel like enough?

And then gamble it away in the hope of having more, only to find we now have less then we had in the first place??

Is that not insanity?

Posted by: S.A

I have an unhealthy relationship with money. I have been sad for sometime now because I don't have any and I want some. I am just about meeting my basic needs and if I don't gamble my financial situation should improve. However the thing is I spent far to much time worrying about money and then wondering what it would feel like to have lots of money. I often joke about having suitcases full of money and what I would do with it... and what would I do with it??

I have friends whom have cashed in pension policies worth many thousands and then blown the lot (within 3 months) without having done anything significant other than buy a new washing machine for example. They talked of new cars and holidays but they didn't happen. The more money you have the bigger the bets... that's the bottom line and then its gone.

What do others think?

Hi

Long before my addictions and obsessions I did not value myself or value  money.

In my recovery I worked out how much net I made an hour.

By doing that I understood each time I went back to gambling meant I was working for nothing giving the rewards of my labor to people I did not even know those people had  nice holidays while I went with out.

Yet money was the fuel for my addiction.

You can take away the money but it does not remove our emotional vulnerability.

It was hard handing over my finances I felt like I was being treated like a naughty child who had done thing wrong.

The simple question was how much money did I need for my basics each day, I found that hard to answer yet in time I was given ten pounds a day and that worked.

So even though if I I did bet it would not be so devistating to our economcs of the home.

I thought that money would make me feel happy, not so.

I thought that money would make me feel successful, not so.

I thought that paying back money stolen or borrowed would  repair damaged relationships, not so.

Once I value myself I would value other people.

Once I respect myself I would respect other people.

Once I had a good relationship with myself, I could have had a good relationship with other people.

Money did not give me any emotional resolve or help heal me, money gave me more choice.

Once I came out of my fears my trust grew, in time I was able to see myself as an equal in the recovery program and was able to learn from other people.

Every pain in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.

In time those fears would be faced and over come.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

When I get debt free I don’t want my money, I will let my wife sort it out.

solves everything for me, money is no good to me in truth, just being honest.weird isn’t it

Hi

Once I was becoming emotionally healed I saw that money did not resolve me in any way.

Money just gave me more choice.

Being healthy is being content with who I am today, being content with who I am with, being content with where I am, being content with what I have.

To understand my needs, understanding my wants, understanding my growing goals.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham.