Defeat or denial

tara2 wrote:

When it comes to compulsive gambling , are there any other choices.? I either surrender, admit defeat and seek help or I am in denial! Period. Tax time and I'm paying taxes for money that I never really had ( ie. wins put back into the slots). No wins, no nice tax return, no growing assets, no pats on the back. When it comes to compulsive gambling it's a whole of of nothing until complete surrender. tara2

I'm reposting because the spammer commented and I wanted to have the real post show up not the spam... maybe a mod. will remove 'lex....' very soon.

Hi Tara

Yes we removed the spammer. You raise a good point - if I understand you correctly you're saying that you flip between 2 states, either fully embracing recovery, 'admitting defeat' as you put it, or else you don't admit you have a problem at all, and keep gambling. Your description of paying taxes on money you never really had is very sobering.

What do others think? Do you flip flop between extremes with your gambling and recovery?

Best,

Forum Admin

You are correct in paraphrasing what I said. ie. flipping between denial and defeat ( surrendering and utilizing available help etc.) I guess it felt like an ephiphany of sorts even though it's so simple. Narrowing it down to two choices being : denial of a problem ( compulsive gambling) OR accepting defeat and surrendering. These words felt powerful to me earlier today. I thought someone might post their own experiences around defeat vs. denial.. defeat actually being a place where be begin to live . tara2

Thx. for appreciating the statement about "paying taxes on money that I never really had". This tax season IS quite sobering for me. I hate it and I don't want more of the same insanity. I got to a place , while gambling, where I was angry to win over $1100 and have the employees come over and go through all the offical 'win statement tax paperwork ' ORDEAL. To tell ya the truth, these 'wins' over the last year are what has fueled me to stop the insanity. And I'm still afraid of my own self. It's gotta be odaat and I have to work on recovery. tara2

Hi Tara, have you looked @ any 12 Step stuff? I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Step 1 starts with admitting I am powerless!

I can’t look too closely at the tax analogy because gambling has long since ceased being about the money...Addiction threatened my life but recovery has enriched it beyond what money could ever provide - ODAAT

lot's of 12 step stuff ODAAT 🙂 . I posted this topic for myself and others. Iposted because I find potency in the notion that addiction comes down to two choices: denial or defeat. I thought it would be helpful to others. I was not really crying out for help ( at this moment). I was sharing widsom and doing a little venting (@taxes). But yeah, compassion and understanding is hugely a gift; when it comes through. Blessings , tara2

In recovery it is good to admit defeat in the sense that the addiction had control of my mind.

A serenity comes with admitting that it had me well and truly beaten until I removed myself from temptation. Forcibly with help if needs be so its easier said than done in the early days! There is also a serenity in knowing that a certain set of circumstances would ALWAYS trigger me again. I wont use the word possibly....I have to accept certainty to keep healthy from the power of that addiction. This works in the same way that a recovering alcoholic could not just have just a sip.

I AM a compulsive gambler. I have no control on machines so I must avoid them altogether. This will always be within me but can be controlled with a healthy mind. The control is discussing and admitting who I am. I give in to a higher force and putting all blocks in place. I accept that whatever that force is, it well and truly hooked me and it beat me into submission.

People talk about trust but I gladly sacrifice that trust when it comes to gambling. I know that if I feel down for example in a strange town it is not a good idea for me to be wandering aimlessly with cash in my pocket.

Thats where the strength comes from in discussing that with people close. There is no real shame in admitting it had me beat. The denial is not talking to others or putting the strongest of blocks in place. An addicted mind wants the denial because it feeds the drug habit.

Make no mistake... a gambling addiction is a drug addiction to the chemicals in the brain. It has less and less to do with the money which has been proved time and time again.

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

Well said joydivider.