What I have found over recent years of addictive gambling is that I have become ever more reclusive. The more I am gambling the more reclusive I become. Its like Iv'e spent most of the last 3 years being paid monthly and being almost completely skint with days and sometimes hours of being paid. But what i also find is that because I DO pay my priority bills and debts the second I get paid that I never quite reach absolute rock bottom. In some respects this is even worse cos your always living life on the edge but never quite going over the edge... you have just enuff money and inner resources for survival purposes... but nothing more. Life becomes miserable and fraught always on the edge in case something unexpected happens like being unable to work or pay for something that crops up unexpected.
... and then of course I don't socialise cos I got no money to go anywhere or do anything unless i can guarantee in my own mind that its not gonna cost any money... But then i don't want to socialise anyway, cos i feel so wretched within.... so I spend my time alone in quite contemplation about life, the universe and everything. I have several mates/ acquaintances that live life exactly the same way... month after month, year after year.
That's what makes this addiction so baffling. In some respects I just need to follow my mum's original advice. Just STOP gambling.
I completely agree S.A. I could have wrote the post myself.
I suppose one positive is that if your use to be being on your own... then self-isolation because of coronavirus will be a doddle 😉
I will never forget the words of a young lady who humiliated me when I was trying for a loan, of course I sat in front of her after being rejected because of numerous gambling debits on my statement , she said, “there’s only one way to get out of this, stop gambling”
I didn’t listen, she was right,
im now 88 days in on my latest attempt , my money is now very comfortable but this virus could scupper that.
Dear @holycrosser ,
Thank you for your latest post on the Forum and well done for 88 days, a fantastic achievement and good to know that things are more comfortable, moneywise for you.
Coronavirus/Covid-19 is obviously having an effect on all aspects of life at the moment and that especially includes people in with addiction and in recovery. Please do not hesitate to pick up the phone to an adviser 0808 802 0133, or come through on the Netline for some additional support. Things are tough and talking to someone could help, especially if you're having urges.
All the very best
Keely.
Forum Admin.
Dear @holycrosser ,
Thank you for your latest post on the Forum and well done for 88 days, a fantastic achievement and good to know that things are more comfortable, moneywise for you.
Coronavirus/Covid-19 is obviously having an effect on all aspects of life at the moment and that especially includes people in with addiction and in recovery. Please do not hesitate to pick up the phone to an adviser 0808 802 0133, or come through on the Netline for some additional support. Things are tough and talking to someone could help, especially if you're having urges.
All the very best
Keely.
Forum Admin.
Thanks admin, good to know, I’m coping well, my blocks are in place and th3 bookies shut has cut off any chance of relapsing , blessing in some ways, I’m fine , just cracking on with this weird life.
Hi
I found your wording reclusive interesting.
I found that long before my gambling I was living in fears due to the pains in my life that were not healed.
Pains caused fears in me that I did not understand.
The more I gambled the more lies I had to tell.
I could not be honest with myself.
If I could not be honest with myself I certainl could not be honest with other people.
I can honestly say that time gambling I was nearly always living on the edge of my fears.
My fears were anxiety stress and more seriously panick.
Once I went in to panic mode I coudl nto think out thinsg clearly.
Only once I abstained from gambling did I understand how many fears I use to live in.
We can view absolute rock bottom as being financial.
Or we can view absolute rock bottom as being so emotionally vulnerable due to paisn we caused our self we can feel suicidal or emotionally traumatized.
For me always living life on the edge was very much fear based and very unhealthy.
Not knowing which way to turn.
In effect working all those weeks hours months years for nothing.
I was in effect giving away my money for nothing.
By being a compulsive gambler I did not respect my self or any one else.
By being a compulsive gambler I did not love my self or love any one else.
How could I have ehalthy intimate realtionships by me living in so much fear all of the time.
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Once we abstain from our unhealthy habits then dedication to a healthy recovery can start.
I found that only person who can stop me gambling is my self.
Dave L
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