Is it possible for a CG to 'control' their gambling?

Hi Phil I pretty much wrote the same thing in my diary some 5 or 6 month's ago. I can honestly say I've never stuck more than a 20 on a betting slip in all my life.
I played football every week
Just 5 quid. Sometimes 10
Anyway one big win on the football I went straight back to the machines like I'd never been away. The reason being I'm not addicted to a style of play. Ie fruit machines football scratch cards
I'm addicted to gambaling

For the brain to get the drug it doesn't give a shiny what you do as long as it gets it.
The best advice I was given was you have to be aware of your own Bull sh**. Your brain is going to be going in to overdrive to get you to feed the drug to it.

The biggest question I asked myself is why do I need to do the football? I didn't need to do it I just believed I was having a bit of harmless fun with it? When really it was just keeping a steady blow on the Amber's waiting for the next inferno.

Unfortunately once you cross the line into problem gambaling there's no way back. Anyone telling you otherwise is lying

Can an alcoholic safely drink beer because he was only addicted to vodka.

Obviously this is your story and I admire how honest you are about how you feel.
Just be mindful of what your doing I'm sure you already know where it leads all the best

Deano

Thanks for your replies allainepo and Dean0...Much appreciated.

I've probably said it so many times it's becoming (become) dull but I'm not an expert and, having gambled for 15+ years, I don't expect to be within 11 days of abstinence. I must admit though that I am finding the whole thing quite interesting and it has spured me on to do a lot of reading (as well as post a lot on here).

The support of complete abstinence is so overwhelming that I would be foolish not to take serious note and, for now at least, will remain bet-free. Will I consider it a failure if I have a couple of acca's? No, but if it leads to a replase then it would, not only be a failure but a real "you should have listened" moment.

I agree, to an extent, with the alcohol analogy. I don't know the science behind it all but surely beer does (albeit in a slower way) create the same chemical reaction as vodka? With gambling, although there is a chemical element, there is a large habitual element (as there is with the likes of C*****e) so I am unsure that, even placing 100 £5 footie bets, would result in the same 'fix' as £500 in a FOBT if that's your poison.

People say on here that rambling is good...which is lucky for me I guess!

P.S - I should add that the last paragraphe isn't an attempted justification of a bet, merely me thinking out loud (C) E.Sheeran

Nice one Phil

One bit of advice is never stop asking questions.

I actually like people having their own opinions on gambaling addiction.
The end of the day it's down to you what you want in life.
Obviously people can only write from experience.

I don't think I've ever come across anyone who is an expert on this site.
It's all learn as you walk
What's good for one most likely won't be for another.

As was said to me. Take what you need and ditch the rest.

All the best

Cheers Dean0

Very open to advice but there's no point following something which doesn't feel like it will work.

This is why, whilst I talk to a lot of people, I am not planning on attending GA...but that's a debate for another day.

All the best to you too.

Phil

Phil

It's important to expose the controlled gambling myth for what it is. Even if not for you, I do worry that others will think it can work.

This place is a bit like virtual A & E for gambling addicts. Obviously a lot of new arrivals are going to find the idea of controlled gambling very attractive. As this allows their addiction to perpetuate. It's the path of least resistance.

I've been on these forums for over 4 years and I can tell you unequivicolly that controlled gambling doesn't work, ever. It's actually remarkable how absolute it is in its inneffectiveness. Normally a dodgy method will still work for a few people. Yet controlled gambling always fails. There are simply no long term posters here who 'sucessfuly' control their gambling.

Through my time here, controlled gambling sometimes gets traction, often when a group of newcomers get together and kid themselves it works. The brave ones come back and acknowledge it can't work - most just vanish. As I said, this is really dangerous as it's obviously highly attractive people in the early stages.

So, that's why I feel quite strongly about it and will challenge the idea. It is the idea I'm challenging by the way - I'm not attacking you as a person.

I would really encourage you to question yourself, honestly, about why you will not let it go. There's no shame on this board. I was an addict for around 14 years, lost probably £125k. I'm not coming from some moral high ground.

There used to be a poster who was a 'controlled gambler' who freely admitted that he could not stop gambling because his life would be nothing without it. He could give you very measured answers regarding why this was the case. Found his account very chilling - yet at least he was honest about it. I didn't bother him. (last we heard he had lost a lot of money gambling without control).

I believe in addressing the root cause - this allows you to turn the whole addiction experience on its head into a genuinely positive one. But even if your approach is 'just' abstention, controlled gambling doesn't work.

Louis

I couldnt agree more with the above post. I have been doing this for almost 10 years & am as yet to see anyone who has crossed the line into addiction go back to being able to control it again. As Louis said, its the holy grail isnt it? To be able to gamble on your terms again, to get all of the fun without any of the consequences. Denial & an insistance we all have our own way to do this, possibly the most common posts on here.
No one goes back to controlled gambling long term.... no one.

Its an interesting thread but I think we have to debate that there seem to be triggers with different forms of gambling. We cant shy away from the discussion and I dont think it means that Im gearing up for gambling on other things

I know Im an escape gambler on machines. Machines with "games" with themes. Egyptian symbols, Dolphins, Thunder Gods, Wizzards anything that grabbed me and in particular a bonus feature I was chasing which could "cheat" me or please me (as a compulsive gambler sees it). 3 second spins and getting lost in that trance was my poison. They are deviously programmed for maximum (near miss, false win) addiction and repeat playing

I tried the roulette on these machines but it very quickly seemed too much like real gambling to me and I could get nowhere with it. I felt the odds were making themselves very clear, it was painful, was not giving a fix and I very quicky left it. Blackjack and other games although not particularly difficult held no appeal on these machines. The key is they gave me no fix and made me think too much, snapping me out of an escape trance

I have never gambled online for anonymity reasons I have explained elsewhere...Never have...Am I likely to try in future? Im not complacent but wouldnt have thought so

I have never been to a bingo hall...just never appealed....never introduced to it and never wanted to bother...perhaps the key there is the triggers start once introduced to it in some way.

I have never bet on a horse, football or the dogs...not an instant fix like the machines , my eyes glaze over... too long to wait...I wouldnt know one dog /horse from another in terms of performance and I seem to understand that the odds are not attractive on anything remotely considered a favourite. The race seems tedious to me and it seems that its only the betting which gives it any meaning to anybody. Seriously without gambling would anybody care if one similar looking horse came first

I do enjoy a world cup/ good game of football but Im not really a football supporter which may be my gambling saviour there. Again I dont really see odds or clear games I would risk anything other than a very small token bet on. I cant be bothered

I ended up doing the lottery only a few times a year...the reality of the odds utterly depressed me along with the thought of all the tickets in the bin when I used to play it once a week in the early days. Annoyingly (to be honest) Ive known people who have won substantially but its not made me go out and buy wads of tickets. I havent played it during recovery.

Scratchcards Ive tried a handful of times in the earlier days...no buzz.... seem to understand the terrible odds, and dont really like the buying process, next ticket off the reel ...smacks of desperation if Im honest 🙂 but I know that sounds very snobby and a very odd thing to come from a compulsive gambler on machines.

Casinos I was taken to decades ago by a guy ( I didnt really like) at work...didnt really like the atmosphere found it a bit scary like a big boys club and I was out of my depth so never warmed to it. All a bit beyond me and I must have looked pathetic putting a pound on red 🙂 didnt feel I could win so nothing reinforced . I saw the overnight spread betting on roulette and the feeling it was all about to kick off...just a feeling of gambling den desperation really and have never returned to them in decades. The signing in process is too formal and Im glad all those things put me off.

Other forms of gambling like seaside stalls and whats under the cup I have a healthy mistrust and disdain for. Im not the sort of person to hand money over for a bin bag full of nothing in one of these fake sales....or am I 🙂 ?

What strikes me sometimes is maybe I have some form of inner control on everything apart from those damned machines. I understand that my anti triggers can seem random. It hurts even more that the machines got right under my skin

Anyway I know I have zero control on machines. Im getting better but know that self exclusion and avoidance are a must.

Sometimes I find it so confusing that I can be wary of risk yet throw thousands into a gambling machine. Maybe Im an escape gambler that didnt see the machine games as real gambling in some way. Certainly emptied my bank balance though

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

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Needing to place a bet has nothing to do with a bit of fun. It's a symptom of a serious underlying emotional problem.

Ideas of controlled gambling deliberately miss the point because it's easier to talk about having fun than to think about why there's a need to use.

CW

Allain

Equally, getting hung up on black and white definitions can distract from what is a fairly straight forward point.

True probably only a fraction of gambling addicts come here. Don't see what the problem with that is - still a huge number of users on here from which to draw conclusions. The point is, none succeed.

How do we define controlled gambling. Easy - any form of gambling.

Of course, there is a thick and a thin end of the wedge. The thick end might be saying you would set a daily limit to gamble on your 'poison'. This is the sort of thing you tell yourself when you've basically no intention of stopping whatsoever (I certainly told myself this enough). The very thin end of the wedge might be playing in a lottery syndicate at work.

Obviously I'm less concered about the latter. Clearly, if you don't gamble for a long time but play the lottery once a week, it's not that big a deal. Although I still find it odd that a person won't knock this 'little thing' on the head - after all the havoc that gambling has caused. When I say odd, I mean I think it demonstrates a lack of willingness to let go. Which naturally raises further questions.

Long term gamble free? Long term would have to be quite a few years. There isn't really anyone on here, apart from a couple, gamble free for over 5 years. I'm thinking 2 years is a reasonable cut off point to assess whether someone's showing fairly solid signs they may quit for good. I know that's arbitrary. A lot of people get to a year then go back to it - think they can gamble again safely. 2 years seems to be an important milestone. When I say no controlled gamblers make it - I was thinking about 2 years. In fact, I'm pretty sure it could be a lot, lot less than that.

When you say there is no definitive answer regarding quitting, strictly speaking that's correct. However, there are certain things that can be done, in our approach to addiction, which are more sucessful than others. Individual/group therapy/GA and opening up to your family and partner. These things clearly work. Sometimes when you are trying to stop gambling, the options can seem bewildering. Actually, they're a lot narrower than it sometimes seems. Certainly what's effective is much narrower. Controlled gambling is not on that list.

Why shouldn't there be things that work? If you're physically sick, there is a defined course of action (drugs and treatment) that works. People generally don't turn to homeopathy or crystal healers when the sh eite hits the fan. We for the thing that works. Because 'recovery' from addiction is generally left with the addict, you often get all sorts of bizarre methods. This is often because there's a tension between giving up and not actually wanting to give up. Which results in things like.... controlled gambling.

Final thought on this. If people disagree with my assessment - that controlled gambling never, ever works, what's my motive in lying? I completely accept that I'm capable of being very bias about things. I can be tribal like anyone. But I can tell you now, I've never been to GA, so no reason to advocate it in a tribal sense. But, again, having been on these boards for a relatively long time, it's overwhelmingly clear that it's effective. So I will acknowledge it's effectiveness.

I've considered whether I'm in some 'holier than though' tribe? I don't think so. I'm really just commenting on what goes before me. I don't even find this topic very interesting. Just think debunking the controlled gambling myth is one of the more useful things I can do in life.

Louis

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I think this has been an interesting discussion BUT it has highlighted a couple of things.

I came on this forum NOT in a state of desperation but because I was ready to curb my gaming and was in search of advice.

There is some superb advice and support on here and I have learned a fair amount. BUT, I was looking for advice and not a lecture. If you're on this forum it is because you have a problem with gambling. There is no shame in this of course but we are all equals.

Some things will work for some people and some will work for others and that is the joy of sharing tips on a forum such as this. I came for these tips, NOT to be told that I'm, in effect, doomed to failure, not a true CG (as if it's some sort of badge of honour) or that my methods are unsuitable for ME.

There's some great people on here but, maybe the GA/Councillor/Confession route doesn't suit us all. It doesn't mean I'm not a problem gambler and it certainly doesn't mean I'm not determined.

I believe that every single one of us has to do what's best for No.1. It's great that we can share tips but know that not everything suits every person.

I may only be 2 weeks in but I'm feeling good and don't want to hear that I'm "not doing it right".

What's to say that the 'accepted' way is the right way? There was a time before GA and now we can't quit without it? I, for one, have no desire to be a victim, I don't belive in a higher power and I'm very happy to admit my own failings BUT, if it works for you then brilliant, keep it up!

I added to this thread as I wanted to hear different opinions. I never claimed to be the oracle, but, I also never wanted to be told I was DEFINITELY wrong by people who were here for the same reason.

I will keep doing this my way (as it's working) and wish everyone luck. Will I keep posting? I don't know, maybe, I want to see everyone succeed but, hey, maybe I'm not worthy of being labelled a 'true' compulsive gambler.

Take care

Phil

Victim?

P.S - I forgot to say last night, Allaine, I think you hit the nail on the head with both your posts. We are not a cult and we are all here for the same reasons. I wouldn't even consider suggesting that my way is right as I guarantee it wouldn't work for many but it IS working for me. Now, I'm not suggesting that I am 100% guaranteed not to relapse BUT, until that happens, my way can't be 'wrong' can it? Why should I 'punish' myself by avoiding friends, not going to the pub, spending time and money on one-to-one sessions if I don't feel it is right for me.

Allaine probably articulated the same point better but I think the arguement is the same. If something works for someone then how can it be said that it is, definitively, wrong.

I think 350 thousand problem gambalers is a serious underestimate. Im a bit of a stat hunter and I know through gamcare's information section that last year 1.2 million unique visitors came to this very site. And we're just the guy's who look for help. I've also looked over the past few year's and year on year it climbs about 400 thousand.
Pandemic?