Hi all, reaching out to see if others are the same as myself. I really don't like who I become when I gamble.
I started gambling in my teens, started off on puggy's, then moved to bookies, then casinos. I don't know how much I've lost throughout my 20+ years of gambling but one thing I find is that I never seemed to be able to take away a win. I was always of the view of you can never be up enough, but when I'm losing I will keep on betting to get back to even, at which point I will be content that I didn't lose anything and I will call it a day. If i did manage to take a profit in a session, I just used that to tell myself this is an easy way to make some extra cash and soon id lose what I previously won and would be back to trying to break even.
The values I bet are not huge compared to some of the losses I have read about, but it doesn't mean it hasn't been as damaging for me. Like for me my worst session was losing £750 in one go, but that was during a work lunch where I lost £100 at the bookies then went to the casino nearby to quickly chase it but lost another £650. I am not a casino frequenter so the behaviour was what impacted me the most.
I simply cannot let go of a loss, regardless of the size.
I can start betting £5 hands of BJ but then progress to betting £100 a hand to win back a loss. The jump is very erratic.
I don't wake up with a compulsion to gamble, I don't need to find something to bet on to get a fix and I know I'm lucky in that regard, but I find losses extremely damaging to my mental health.
I have banned myself from most of the major providers, and that's been beneficial in curbing my gambling.
However last night after not gambling for probably 7 years, I wanted to play some poker, couldn't find a table I liked so thought id play some blackjack. started of on £5 hands and then once down £35 I started betting £50 hands. I ended up losing £100 and managed to stop myself continuing by altering the deposit limits.
All last night I couldn't sleep, I kept thinking about how I could win back the £100, at one point I was up £50, I cashed out, but then re-deposited and lost. Then because I had reached a pre set limit I opened another account elsewhere and deposited more and lost.
I know its not a lot, but its the behaviours it drives I find so harmful to me. I didn't sleep a minute last night. My mind consumed with thoughts of blackjack and ways to get back £100. I know that I'm capable of gambling a further £1000 just to get that £100 back, and again I wont play to make any profit. I'm effectively the best mug for these websites.
It would be nice to be able to enjoy a bet every now and again but my need to never lose is really debilitating.
Social media reels keeps showing me blackjack and poker and this has what has led me back to gambling. I must say social media is a very damaging medium where winning is regularly displayed.
I know I'm lucky that I haven't ruined my life with gambling (just yet) but I just wondered if anyone else could relate to the way gambling impacts me mentally and what you did to better manage loss?
@hjplkcwzme The one and only way to manage your loss better is to learn not to gamble.
I identify with much of your experience. I would play a few rounds of BlackJack and then if I won increase the stakes. I have played £400 hands and doubled the bet/split the hand to £800 having only started with £5 bets.
I would also chase losses and even if I had doubled my loss in winnings I would always end up just continuing to bet and lose. I expect you have done the same?
It has taken 20 years for me to recognise the true extent of my mental health issues around gambling and to seek the help I need. If I deposit £100 and lost and then could not re deposit it would be really disturbing. It is our brain craving the dopamine from gambling but not getting it that makes it so unpleasant. It is typical of addiction.
With respect your post is mixed. You seem to recognise that you have a gambling issue but don't really want to 100% stop. You just want to regulate it, but I think you know deep down that it is past the point of regulation.
re social media and gambling posts/vids... You can change the settings so they don't show you those videos. I did and it helped, otherwise I would be bombarded with videos of people winning on slots. I later found that the vids were not even real.
All the best. Please don't chase the loss. That is what the company wants as they know that you will lose more.
Hi
By gambling I was dealing with certain emotional triggers I had.
My wife told teh pains she felt were nto about the money but more about me lying and makering her life unstable and unmanageable.
One person thanked GA for making him aware of how unhealthy he was.
On walking I found out I did not have a money problem I was the problem.
The money was the fuel for my addiction.
The money was never going to heal my pains.
The money was never going to heal the pains of my hurt inner child.
Being in recovery now over 50 years the last thing I want to or need to do today is gamble.
The recovery program made me a person I want to be today.
I want to heal my pains.
I want to stop living in fear any more.
I want to reduce my unreasonable expectations of people life and situations.
I no longer want to procrastinate and not get things done in my life.
I no longer want to lie to my self or other people.
I no longer want to be a person I am ashamed of any more.
Healing love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckeham
Hi
My addictions and obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I use to be.
Just for today I do not want or need to gamble.
If I were to go back to Gambling would make things much worse and cause my self and others more pains and more fears.
The longer I was in the recovery the healthier I got to be.
I want a healthy life with our addictions and obsessions.
Dave L
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