Money and debt

I'm with you on that one Phil , I think it's probably the only time in life where You " Don't deserve " , " Shouldn't ask " or " Be offered " a " Handout , as it's just downright dangerous at that early stage to suddenly have all of your losses wiped away ! .

It's far too easy for our Gambler's mind's to start thinking, " well if I use just a little of the money and win " ............Well , you know the rest :(( .

Stay safe Buddy :))

Thank you Alan - always appreciate your comments and feedback. Best wishes, Phil.

Agree Phil that being bailed out is the wrong way to go. Not long before I stopped I was asking for money from different family members to help clear my debt. I cried about never having enough money and the debt was like a noose around my neck holding me down. I even offered them equity in my house! Of course I made excuses for the debt none of which were gambling. I actually rationalised to myself that I couldn't afford to stop until my debt was clear!! Pure madness

By the time I finally give up and stopped for good I wouldn't have taken a bailout though. I knew it was wrong and it didn't work in the past so why would it work now. I needed to feel the pain and suffer the consequences of my actions instead of getting a clean slate. I haven't done it alone and received some tremendous help on my journey so far but not financial. The debt is oranised and being paid on time every month so I can leave it be and work on the more important aspects of my life.

In summary bailouts, whilst ever so attractive, actually hinder recovery by offering the compulsive gambler a free pass to continue on the destructive lifestyle.

Thanks for another response to the thread I started Sam.

Hi Phil, your post is quite relevant to me currently and in general I agree with everything you've said..

However, I think it's important here to differentiate between someone lending you money and helping you through financial difficulties and a handout or quick fix.

For me in my past, I've had them both. My poor Dad has given me so much money over the years! And a large chunk of money he gave me several years ago was an inheritenance when my Gran (his Mum) died and in all honestly I'll never be able to pay this back in full, although I do give him a £100 a month and will keep going until he says otherwise!! i.e... NEVER! Ha ha.

But at the same time, I've also had a previous partner and friends help with money when I was "desperate" and I've always paid these people back in full (as agreed when they lent me the money). I know that the majority of people on here will say that these are 'handouts' or 'bail outs' but if you can succesfully stick to repaying a friend or loved one, without lining the pockets of companies who charge 500% APR then I can understand why this occurs.

I definitely think that to overcome my addiction I will have to learn the 'hard way' and if I won the lottery tomorrow (bad analogy.. especially for a gambler!!) it may make my addiction even worse but I still think people need to see a difference between a hand out and being given financial help from loved ones.

All the best!

P.S. And the hard way for me is being treated like a baby.. with no access to my bank accounts and a salary which goes straight into my partners bank account! 🙂

Well as I come towards the end of my Debt Management Plan I reflect that I knew the crazy APR when I took out those loans and I still accepted the money.

OK there is a big difference between owing £100 to Provident or £400 and the amount you have to pay back but fundamentally I made those poor choices because I wanted money to gamble.

To ME I have to accept I sought out those companies (and yes I know and agree they tend to prey on the vulnerable) but no-one twisted my arm when their representatives first came round to my house which is why as bitter a pill as it is, I haven't and wouldn't ask friends or family to help me out -be it a loan or a "bail-out".

Obviously the choices we make are individual.

Best wishes, Phil.

Financial help in terms of a loan from family and/or friends is a bailout not a handout. A handout is when you get something and don't have to give anything back.

So Sam to clarify as your post above was quite brief - what's your view? Best wishes, Phil.

I mean this in no way hostile but if you are serious with all the "support" available and I'm not going to mention anything specific - you have to pay your debts if you got into debt through gambling.

Bailouts aren't good for compulsive gamblers. Debts need to be paid and in my opinion it's better to bite the bullet so to speak and sort out our own finances whether that's DMP, consolidation loan or whatever.

I agree Sam

Hi Phil, My cg got bailouts from his father it meant he could hide for longer, lie for longer. When I finally found out it was because he wanted me to sign a loan. Bailouts don't work because it's an easy route out of your mess. You learn nothing. Why should someone else forfeit their disposable income for your debt? It doesn't help. Your debt is yours, own it. Just like the gambling, it's yours. It's enabling.

I totally agree Merry which is why I set up the Debt Management Plan. I did many bad things to enable me to gamble and have done many good things since I stopped and taking personal (who else's??!!) responsibility for my debts - regardless of the APR etc. - was one of them.