Rebuilding trust

Hi you don't say what you're doing in your recovery. Have you followed basic steps? Gamstop, self exclusion, GA every week? For trust you have to show you mean it, not just words. Personally I would never trust my husband with money. I trust him in other ways though. Talking, communication is vital. Being a better person. Realising that this is difficult, not an overnight fix, and it is forever.

I'm self excluded. Have my dad looking after my money and hes just sending me smaller amounts for now. Cant attending meeting because of work but im reading forums everyday. Just getting my thoughts out online seems to be helping a lot more than I thought it would.
I want to be trusted with money eventually but for now I know that is not possible. I get that this is forever but does that mean I never have the responsibility of looking after money?
Is it possible that eventually I can live a normal life again? I know I've not proven I should but I want to make myself better not just accept I'm broken and everyone else treat me that way forever.

Of course you can live a normal life. In my experience (my husband) money is temptation. I expect the longer you're away from the last bet, the better you will feel. Lots of compulsive gamblers have their own money, it's what works for you. Think of it in a way of 'protection'. It's a block. Trust has to be earned, don't expect people to trust you at the moment.

Thanks for your help

The idea of rebuilding trust from those around you sounds encouraging but it’s a misleading romantic notion, used as a tool to manipulate. If you look up the dictionary definition of “trust”, it’s something along the lines of expectations, usually based on experience but generally one person’s expectations of a type of behaviour from another person that’s not based on any sort of checking up. Well, the experience of gambling addiction is that gambling is secretive and compulsive and is done in a deceitful way, the addict deceiving him/herself as much as those around. Therefore to expect different next time and forever in the future, all in the name of trust, is nonsensical.

Your family would be very unwise to trust you blindly with money and your expecting them to is manipulation. Similarly their giving you their financial trust in the hope of influencing your behaviour is manipulation. Actually all concerned should base their expectations on experience, not trust.

The solution is to separate love and trust. Your family can love you and appreciate what you’re doing to overcome the addiction and get your life back on track but they shouldn’t trust you with money. None of which prevents trusting in areas where you are reliable. And that’s just the way life with an addiction is, it’s something to be accepted and worked round.

CW