So I’ve finally done it and gambled away every penny I have and exhausted all loans/credit cards. Can’t even get a payday loan now.
Have 2 options either a debt management plan or tell my wife and see if she can loan me the money.
My wife is away today and due back tomorrow she doesn’t even know I gamble now how do I sit down and explain the mess I am in?
She’s not going to take it well so any advice is appreciated.
Evening The Gambler @vujesp0ryd
Thank you for your honest post and open to advice.
I volunteer on her as I supported my son for 9 years through gambling harm. I feel that when you have exhausted the pay day loans , that is a time to definitely seek help. I enabled for so long and rescued my son but that was not good as he could then get another loan.
I hear that you are really worried about your wife's reaction, I understand that completely as you know that it will hurt her.
But you need support and debt management. i know that being kept in the dark from someone that gambles does not feel good for either person.
If you cannot speak to your wife , perhaps you have someone else that you can speak to in your family or a friend. You do not have to cope alone .
Call the helpline who are amazing, I can vouch. They listen so well . Below is a link about managing your money.
Best wishes
Patsy. Peer supporter
Gamcare helpline number is 0808 8020 133 open 24/7
@ofb741hvqs thank you. Spoke on WhatsApp to someone from the helpline which has helped a little. Tomorrow is d day so will give an update on whether it’s went well with the wife or if I’m on the streets.
@vujesp0ryd as a wife who has just found out about her husband gambling addiction and debt please just come clean and tell her the truth. My husband hid it all from me and let me tell you the shock when you have people turn up at your door. Was I angry and confused of course. However I started taking action right away. I found out all the debts, made many phonecalls through tears and a day later I'm still processing it all. I don't tell you this to make you feel worse, I say it to prepare you. Once the shock wears off a bit have a proper conversation let her know how you've been feeling bottling it all up, let her tell you how she feels too. If she has questions try to be as open and honest as possible. Communication was a big step. My husband started off with I don't knows, barely answering my questions as to long long and how much. My priority was getting as much information to help sort out the debt as panic set in.
Husbands still here by the way he's not on the streets. Sometimes the problem seems bigger in your head the more you go over it. I sat with him whilst he rang the helpline. The advisors are genuinely lovely people. They helped him start the conversation, listened to how he felt and gave him plenty of resources. I also rang them myself separately to my husbands phonecall if it's something your wife would be interested in doing. They listened to me and let me get all my emotions and feelings out as I just felt so lost.
In regards to the debt try and face it head on together putting it off will only make matters worse. I only wish my husband had come clean before it got so bad.
This is day 2 for us and he's said now the secret is it out he feels much lighter and felt like he actually got a good sleep last night.
Best of luck and I hope it all goes well and you get the support you need.
@oapwniz1f2 thank you for your advice really appreciate it and sorry you’ve been put through the same thing.
I set up a debt management plan with StepChange last night and applied for Breathing Space which was accepted so I can’t be hassled whilst sorting this out for 60 days.
The guilt and knowing it’s self inflicted are the worst for me and dragging my wife into this mess when she has so many other things going out.
Going to be a tough day but hopefully when I wake up tomorrow I am in a better position than today.
@vujesp0ryd You've made a great start in asking for advice and setting up a payment plan so you're already on the right track and in a better position than yesterday.
My husband didn't know about gamban and gamstop until he rang the helpline. It will put restrictions and block's on your phone so that might also be something to help to prevent any future online gambling.
Hopefully when you've come clean the guilt will start to fade and you'll start to feel better. I'm sure it's probably had an effect on your mental health trying to keep it all to yourself.
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