We do it too ourselves!

Very true.

Nobody ever made me press the spin button either.

Our current lives are just the result of a series of choices we made along the way, so it's quite nice to think we can be in charge. We just have to change the thinking.

I like to imagine life as a huge great ship, turning around in a river. Slowly, slowly, as it won't turn on a sixpence, but if I just keep going it will eventually face the other way.

All the best to you.

We are all different, with different triggers.

mine was getting anxious over an impending bill, I won’t settle down till 4 weeks time, there very little I can do about the anxiety I feel, unless I have 100% blocks in place temptation is there for me.

During my relapse I fel5 the build up, I almost knew I was going to do it, I didn’t need to, but I did.

cant explain it.its this little devil voice in my head.

S.A. - I think this is a fantastic post because it truly gets right to the heart of a gambling addiction. Back in the day when I used to be a regular poster here, before I'd fully accepted I had a massive problem with roulette, I used to log on after a massive loss to lick my wounds, wear my sack-cloth and ashes, atone for my lack of willpower, etc. However, on the (very) rare occasions I hit paydirt I felt like a million dollars and felt justified in my decision to risk it all - nothing ventured; nothing gained, thank god I'd risked it because now I'm a genius, etc! Gamcare was a million miles from thoughts as I popped the champagne cork! Who needs those losers? I'm a genius! 

Of course, next day, next week, or more usually within a few hours of reversing the withdrawal the same night, I'd lost it all and was too embarrassed/ashamed to even look at Gamcare to hear about "born again serentity" and other b******P. 

It's a truly confusing addiction because at least with booze, dope, pharmaceutical pills you can guarantee it will give you a certain feeling for a known few hours, then a terrible crash for a known few hours afterwards. Sometimes the balance of "buzz" versus "horror" is worth it - A deal most "normal" users of alcohol will trade-off on a Saturday night after a hard week's work. They know they'll feel like S***e on a Sunday morning, but the feeling is worth it for the Saturday night. Our society deems this to be normal. (And it probably is, to be fair enough).

Gambling is a particularly troublesome proposition, because we can't even guarantee a buzz while we do it, and sooner or later the end result is lose if we are CG. However, there IS a possibility unlike ANY other addiction whereby it's possible on that last "throw of the dice" we win back everything we've lost and life is better than ever. Anyone who denies that for a very small minority of gamblers it's worked out, is just P*****g in the wind. 

In my opinion, hope is the most necessary quality for us humans. Gambling tricks us into feeling hope. It is possible we could win. Some people do. Don't deny it!

I however didn't!

So, I don't gamble anymore.

Best wishes to everyone on the forum.

... I want to add, for me personally I never understood the need to "punish myself" or "secretly wanted to lose and felt relief when I did" - maybe I'm unusual, for me it was always about greed and getting that sacred buzz of feeling like a Vegas winner for a few hours whilst real life saw me surrounded by tins of Heinz Big Soup, empty bottles of White Lightening cider and swimming in brown envelopes from debt collection agencies. Who can blame a person in that position - with the spinning lights, clink of chips, jazz on speakers, it was my one chance a week to MAYBE beat them and win. 

I never did, so I had to analyse my life with the last of my money and pay for private therapy. Nearly a decade latter it seems to have worked (I'll never be complacent), but so far, so good.

I only comment because as already said, it's not such a stupid addiction if you are depressed and desperate - there is a chance you COULD win and turn it all around. No such chance comes with any other addiction.

However, just to be clear, the chances of winning are probably 95/1 against. And if you are a CG then you can shave a few points off those odds to 100/1 against. 

Friedkin 

Great posts all round.

For me, as soon as I experienced the big win on roulette I was gubbed. When money problems like unexpected car/house repairs come around I always think that I can win my way out of this. 

I cant remember if I was impatient prior to gambling nor can I recall experiencing constant worry or sadness. Nobody puts a gun to my head but I believe gambling changed my personality and characteristics and because of this I don’t have the patience or resolve to deal with life issues. I’m always looking for the quick fix. 

Gambling has had a mental impact on how I cope. Most issues are small but my mind escalated them which leads to unexplained attraction to risk. I agree that nobody makes me do it but nobody with a sane mind would put themselves in some of the spots I’ve had myself in.

RR

I think it is that glimmer of hope that keeps us chasing the dream until we lose everything...

Learning to live 'life on life's terms' means living without that fantasy that one day we will 'hit the jackpot' and have it all back and much much more...

It is easy to live in squalor, miss holidays and ruin relationships if that big win is about to happen because then we can fix everything or just run off on our new yacht...

Better to be happy with what we have got, and make the best of things than risk it all for the delusion of having more...(?)

Like wise, great posts, much to think about. 

As everyone has been saying, gambling is the only addiction where further gambling can seem like the solution as well as the problem. That's why many Cg's (me included) will gambling until all available funds are exhausted, cos you never know what the last spin or the last turn of the card will bring.

Following on from this I think that compulsive gamblers have a very unhealthy relationship with money.... me very much included. When in the throws of gambling we seem to value winning money higher than we value working on our relationships with friends and family ie the things that really matter. Winning money seems to become the be all and end all. We get it into our mindsets that the more money that we have the happier we will be.

I find it interesting that many Cg's when they first post and tell their story... its often a tale of amounts won, amounts lost, amounts won back, amounts lost again, amounts borrowed, begged and stolen. For me its like our whole set of emotion become reduced to.... happy when got money.... unhappy when not got money. Money and winning it gets placed on a pedestal and everything else gets relegated to second place. As someone who commented on another thread said, life can start to get better when you realise that actually you do have enough money to live normally and enjoy life. Am still a work in progress on my relationship with money.