Where do I belong

Joy divider I'm going to clarify. I posted this initially 25/8. I'm sorry I just went back and reread it. It's being revisited because someone posted on it today. Yes I put he won't talk. Now, today he talks. I don't want you to say , I'm not going to comment. This is discussion. I want to hear what people think that's why I post. I forget plus things have moved on. I was addressing the latest post about my mother in law. I also think I have to get everything off my mind, too literally. The whole point though of a cg is that they are secretive and manipulative. I need to be clearer and less hot headed. It's all about talking and perspectives. I think I'm nuts really. Sorry

Merry go round wrote:

Joy divider I'm going to clarify. I posted this initially 25/8. I'm sorry I just went back and reread it. It's being revisited because someone posted on it today. Yes I put he won't talk. Now, today he talks. I don't want you to say , I'm not going to comment. This is discussion. I want to hear what people think that's why I post. I forget plus things have moved on. I was addressing the latest post about my mother in law. I also think I have to get everything off my mind, too literally. The whole point though of a cg is that they are secretive and manipulative. I need to be clearer and less hot headed. It's all about talking and perspectives. I think I'm nuts really. Sorry

Thats fine. No offence is taken and I didnt mean to cause any offence. I feel for you I really do and I understand that is must be driving you nuts.

I dont know all the ins and outs and its hard to know what to say. Obviously you are an adult and you would have confronted the situation if it was easy. Its not always easy in family relationships and telling the mother in law a few home truths can kick up a right stink which backfires on everybody

I dont discuss my relationships with my mother because she has her own opinions and she doesnt always get it right. Who I choose to live with is up to me and I think my mum knows not to interfere.

It also heals for you and it is a healing process for partners. Its as much about you becoming calmer again and even serene. Its about you looking at things in a new way just as much as the gambler.

A gambling addiction is one of the biggest tests of a relationship and it may be that other aspects of your relationship need dealing with. This is why we are treading on eggshells because I dont know your relationships and I wouldnt want to patronise you

I would hope you have the sort of relationship where you can dicuss and change things. However lets face it that some people dont and just walk away under the pressure

What a gambler does to their partner can not be underestimated so this is about you talking it through with other people. Its about your quality of life.

If you feel stressed or anything there is no harm or shame in admitting that. Gamblers that arent fully ready for the born again moment can be very manipulative, secretive and stressful.

have you got close family you can speak to? I went to the doctors when under stress. I didnt find them super helpful but it was an avenue I wanted to explore.

So as we all say its just as much about you but we can only give the usual advice about seeking an outlet through counselling, talking about it, building strength and getting some more support around you

Best wishes

So I did it, told her, had it out with her. Now I feel rubbish. Now I know she lied to me for years, never told me. She sat there and held my hand and said 'yes I knew'. It feels like she enjoyed it. Power. I asked her if she thought it was ok? Told her they've all ignored me, excluded me and my kids from family. Never once thought to themselves 'how does she feel?' Now I know for sure, I'm gutted.

Hi

The addiction and obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I use to be.

Some people think that if you stop your addiction you are cured adn resolved.

The addiction and obsessions just indicated that I was not able to heal my pains and reduce my fears.

The pains earlier in my life caused fears in me that I di dnot understand.

Only once I was abale to give up unhealthy habits could I find a much heallthier life having a healthier relationships with my self and then with other people.

I understand that I could find a healthy way of healig my pains.

Yet I was not able to heal other people pains.

The addiction and obsessions indicated that I was nto able to cope emotionally.

For me the recovery program is about healing the hurt inner child in me.

For me the recovery program is about learning and healing my pains.

For me the recovery program is about learning and reducing and facing my fears.

The addiction and obsessions just indicated how much I was hurting my self and causing self abuse.

Just because a person abstains did not mean that they had healed their pains.

For me the recovery program is about facing my self.

For me the recovery program is not about beating our self up and living in guilt and shame for the rest of my life.

Many people will think that the addict is the only hurting person in a  relationship.

Some might think that if their partner did not have an addiction that their relationship would be fine.

Pains cause fears, fears led to lack of confidence and more lies.

For me the recovery program is about abstaining from unhealthy habits.

For me the recovery program is about me getting more honest with my self.

For me the recovery program is about me learning to love and respect my self.

The recovery program is about me getting to be a much healthier person.

I am not the loner I use to be.

I try hard not to hide my pains but to heal them.

Once my pains are being healed.

Once my fears are being faced and reduced.

My honesty and healing is the start or having intimacy with my self and intimacy with other people.

How healthy do I want to be today.

How much time and effort am I willing to invest in to my recovery and well being today.

Healing love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham