So I finally plucked up the courage to self-exclude and block myself from the online sites, was a massive achievement. I screwed up once by using my sisters acct (her suggestion) but have since abstained... this has been relatively easy for one simple reason - I have no means to do it secretly anymore.
The weird thing is I have only ever had a trouble with gambling privately. I do and have always had the occasional family night out to a casino or bingo hall for birthdays, mothers day and the like and I am very controlled in that environment, infact I tend to go more for the company, food and drinks etc and never spend more than my designated budget and will happily return home with my winnings (which granted I would often then deposit online and spend). For me having watching eyes and being on display completely ruins any kind of 'fix' I may get from gambling, so arcades and casinos just dont do it for me.
As I have now blocked myself from online the only route I would have would be a family members acct which I tried and spent on my sis acct but it just weren't the same as playing on my own in secret and even tho I could still play my sis acct as she would quite like me to for her loyalty bonuses I just have no desire because her knowing I'm playing puts me off.
Looking over my gambling, I see I have always done it secretly and even on the times I did win enough to withdraw I'd pretend I won on a one-off promotion or I'd simply hide my winnings as I just couldn't bring myself to tell others of my dirty secret.
The trouble is now I am trying to get clean I have no one to really share my success/struggles with because I just can't bring myself to open up to anyone about this part of my life...
Confiding in a friend helps but ultimately won’t help you stop unless you give them a practical role in this.
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good luck
Hi
Living in secrets was for me fear based.
The pains of my past caused fears in me that I did not always understand.
Keeping secrets was living in my fears.
Being aloner I was not healing my pains.
Being aloner I was not able to let my hurt inner child find a healthy healing process.
Recovery program helped me open up more.
Recovery program helped me exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits .
Therapies helped me articualte my feelings and my emotions.
Therapies helped me come out of my self.
Therapies helped me reduce my fears.
Therapies helped me open up to emotional intimacy.
Therapies helped me decide on much healthier paths in my life today.
Healing is a slow process.
Dave L
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