Will it stop?

@fml123 Hi mate, no worries - glad you managed to have a good time away and escape for a while. I would definitely recommend speaking to gamcare and they will be able to put you in touch with someone who will help. It is a bit daunting at first as the last one I had was even a zoom call, but honestly I just put the shame to the side and said I have to do it. I haven’t had another since last week and we decided I would have this week off so got my 3rd session next week. It’s basically just a chance to talk about feelings and how I’m doing which can help. However, with that being said I am still really struggling tbh and really finding things hard and very worried about the future in terms of things coming up that I should have money no problem for. I can’t seem to get back to my normal self and my partner must be able to tell something is up which is horrible. Also meant to be going out this weekend with all my pals for a drinking session but undecided if I should really be spending money on this. Everything just seems to still be piling on top of me and as I said am becoming a very anxious person and quite a negative person to be around which I don’t like. I’ve also had the thoughts of whether I should try to win money back but I know it could turn out very badly so I am sticking with my promise to myself to not gamble. As long as I don’t gamble I will be putting myself in a better position and won’t result in further setbacks. I would of hoped to be in a better state mentally by now but still have a long way to go which is discouraging but I have to try and just take each day as it comes and keep moving forwards.

Cheers,

C.

Hi Mate,

Completely get everything you've said there. I think the feeling of guilt and shame won't go away for a long amount of time. But then again maybe that's a good thing, to remind us of the damage we have done, therefore being a constant reminder that we can't go back. Got to keep telling yourself that every day is a step forward mate but definitely some days will be worse than others. I get you around drinking with your friends, do you feel an urge to gamble more after you've had a drink? If that's the case then probably stay away but if not, it may do you good to just get out within a social situation and have a bit of escapism. Just thinking aloud mate. I will definitely speak to them shortly, got a few long work nights coming up so may be late on replies but you should be proud of how far you've come already.

Onwards and upwards,

Take it easy,

G

@fml123 Hi mate, thanks. So I did go out and I’m glad I did. I was very close to not going but I just thought if I don’t go I will be sitting in missing out and left with my own thoughts. So was good to get out and see mates. Still not having any urges to gamble which is the main thing but I really am still struggling with thinking of the future and anybody finding out etc. As you said, in a way I don’t want it to go away as a constant reminder of why I can never go back. That being said, I just want my life back. I want this headache to go away and this issue to not be the only thing that is constantly on my mind. As I said before, I can’t fully be present I feel, it’s as if I’m still in a daze at times and can’t fully engage in anything, does that make sense? Do you feel the same? That is me now over 3 weeks which I can be thankful for, and also I’m 2 days away from payday which will help. It is also my birthday tomorrow so I just want to be a more positive person and fun to be around. I think that’s maybe the biggest takeaway for me, which is that this rock bottom moment for me has really stripped my character & identity, as well as my happiness. Building a gamble free life will let me live a positive one and one that will let me be me. Which I am really looking forward to just that, being me again. Or the ‘new me’, which could in fact be a more positive person and be someone who has a true identity and is always present and not someone who’s thoughts are elsewhere. Still a lot of growth to do and still a lot of time needs to pass for this to happen but I need to believe that I can get there soon and live this life I’m talking about. How are you getting on? Have you had any urges or anything? How are you truly feeling? 

Hope you have a good week mate.

Regards,

C.