Will it stop?

@fml123 Hi mate, no worries - glad you managed to have a good time away and escape for a while. I would definitely recommend speaking to gamcare and they will be able to put you in touch with someone who will help. It is a bit daunting at first as the last one I had was even a zoom call, but honestly I just put the shame to the side and said I have to do it. I haven’t had another since last week and we decided I would have this week off so got my 3rd session next week. It’s basically just a chance to talk about feelings and how I’m doing which can help. However, with that being said I am still really struggling tbh and really finding things hard and very worried about the future in terms of things coming up that I should have money no problem for. I can’t seem to get back to my normal self and my partner must be able to tell something is up which is horrible. Also meant to be going out this weekend with all my pals for a drinking session but undecided if I should really be spending money on this. Everything just seems to still be piling on top of me and as I said am becoming a very anxious person and quite a negative person to be around which I don’t like. I’ve also had the thoughts of whether I should try to win money back but I know it could turn out very badly so I am sticking with my promise to myself to not gamble. As long as I don’t gamble I will be putting myself in a better position and won’t result in further setbacks. I would of hoped to be in a better state mentally by now but still have a long way to go which is discouraging but I have to try and just take each day as it comes and keep moving forwards.

Cheers,

C.

Hi Mate,

Completely get everything you've said there. I think the feeling of guilt and shame won't go away for a long amount of time. But then again maybe that's a good thing, to remind us of the damage we have done, therefore being a constant reminder that we can't go back. Got to keep telling yourself that every day is a step forward mate but definitely some days will be worse than others. I get you around drinking with your friends, do you feel an urge to gamble more after you've had a drink? If that's the case then probably stay away but if not, it may do you good to just get out within a social situation and have a bit of escapism. Just thinking aloud mate. I will definitely speak to them shortly, got a few long work nights coming up so may be late on replies but you should be proud of how far you've come already.

Onwards and upwards,

Take it easy,

G

@fml123 Hi mate, thanks. So I did go out and I’m glad I did. I was very close to not going but I just thought if I don’t go I will be sitting in missing out and left with my own thoughts. So was good to get out and see mates. Still not having any urges to gamble which is the main thing but I really am still struggling with thinking of the future and anybody finding out etc. As you said, in a way I don’t want it to go away as a constant reminder of why I can never go back. That being said, I just want my life back. I want this headache to go away and this issue to not be the only thing that is constantly on my mind. As I said before, I can’t fully be present I feel, it’s as if I’m still in a daze at times and can’t fully engage in anything, does that make sense? Do you feel the same? That is me now over 3 weeks which I can be thankful for, and also I’m 2 days away from payday which will help. It is also my birthday tomorrow so I just want to be a more positive person and fun to be around. I think that’s maybe the biggest takeaway for me, which is that this rock bottom moment for me has really stripped my character & identity, as well as my happiness. Building a gamble free life will let me live a positive one and one that will let me be me. Which I am really looking forward to just that, being me again. Or the ‘new me’, which could in fact be a more positive person and be someone who has a true identity and is always present and not someone who’s thoughts are elsewhere. Still a lot of growth to do and still a lot of time needs to pass for this to happen but I need to believe that I can get there soon and live this life I’m talking about. How are you getting on? Have you had any urges or anything? How are you truly feeling? 

Hope you have a good week mate.

Regards,

C.

Hi mate, glad you got out and enjoyed yourself. I get what you're saying about being in a daze and not being present, I do feel the same. I find myself procrastinating thinking about how much i've lost etc. I try tell myself its just a passing thing and the more I don't gamble then it should slowly fade, if not I suppose a professional would have to be in order. You definitely seem to have the right mindset in my opinion mate. Have a good birthday and try to enjoy it without getting lost in the struggle. I am having consistent urges but just trying to bat them off as they come, I find work as a bit of escapism while i'm there which is good but then also my job is a very demanding/ high intensity environment so I am mindful that I don't just burn out with the burden of these struggles also weighing heavy. Just day by day mate.

Take it easy,

G

@fml123 thanks mate. Glad you are batting off the urges, and yes that’s all we can do - one day at a time. I feel until I’m in a comfortable position again, I will have low moments constantly reminding me of where I could have been financially if I hadn’t messed up so many times. This is something that i will also just need to take each day as it comes and face them head on, trying to remain positive that I know I have stopped. It was pay day today for me as well, so that has also helped in my recovery but like always after losing so much money, the next few pay days can’t come quick enough. I feel I am getting close to being back to my normal self but still have a lot of growing to make sure I do not fall back in to any bad habits and to make sure I have fully learned my lesson this time as well as saving for the future and actually spending money on myself/girlfriend and investing in a happy life. P.s I know I may sound really positive in these messages, it’s more to also help myself really realise what it is I want and where I want to get to! Don’t get me wrong, everyday has its struggles and is hard to deal with the problems I have put myself in due to the gambling loses!

cheers,

C.

Hi mate,

How has the past week been for you? I've just been working really. Seem to be getting better mentally after everything. I also had pay day so that took some of the stress off looking at my bank account but yeah like you say still reminded of the amount i've lost and what I could have done with that money. However onwards and upwards, no gain in beating ourselves up constantly about it, what's done is done and just got to move on. 

Have you had any more meetings?

Take it easy

G

@fml123 Hi mate, yeah I’ve just been working as well had a few things on last couple weekends which is good. I am definitely getting better mentally as well but I feel like something happens or I get reminded of stuff I have coming up that I will need to pay for or save up for and it maybe brings me back a step. I am wanting to try and really put it behind me and only think of the future in a positive light, but really am finding it hard and I’m just not sure when it will get better, I really don’t want to wish away months of my life just to get back on track, if you know what I mean. Had another meeting last week which was again helpful. I have another one next week which will be my 4th meeting I think. I think it is 6 meetings in total. Really just want to get back to a good place and build from there but constantly taking 2 steps forward and one step back in terms of mentally moving on from this. In terms of gambling I’ve had the odd urge to try and win money back, but that’s as far as it’s went, I know I can never go back.

How are you doing now mate? 

Take care,

C.

How are you going mate

@6vj82fy54k Hi mate, I’m doing okay thank. Coming up to 2 months clean from gambling which feels good and still have no intentions of going back or even wanting to. However, I am still dealing with the consequences and constantly having anxiety about the future and worrying about anybody finding out about my situation and where my savings have went. I definitely am getting better but I am still right in the middle of it and I honestly just can’t wait until I am out of this and don’t have this in my mind 24/7 and can actually be present and enjoy life again. As currently I am just wishing my life away to try and get to that place but I just want to enjoy life again and get over the consequences gambling has caused for me. Some days are worse than others but everyday I definitely struggle at some stage. I just need to keep my mind busy. Hopefully soon I will get there and my mind can be at ease. Thanks.

That’s amazing mate great stuff, two months gamble free is such a great effort well done.

i get anxiety a lot also so i know how you feel, it sucks a hell of a lot.   I’ve started putting a little side a time to do some breath work, and if I feel it coming on I try to do it in the moment which helps after a little bit.  I breathe in slowly through the nose for about 6 seconds, hold for 7 then slowly breathe out 10 through the mouth.  As it gets into it you end up getting a lot longer breaths as you relax.  Not sure if that’s something you’re into but seems to help me.

I think you should focus on the positive, one being you’ve been strong and got through two months, and another being your life is going to be so much better now and you will eventually build your money up.  If the worst thing is someone might find out where your money went, atleast you can show them you’re well aware it was the wrong thing to do, you identified you have a problem snd are doing the steps to fix it.

do you have any hobbies?

your doing great mate honestly well done, try not to be so hard on yourself, I imagine two months gamble free would equate to a lot more money in your account right now.

@6vj82fy54k really appreciate it mate. Tbh I have never really tried breath work but maybe it is something I should try and see how I get on. The anxiety is mainly coming from the guilt and worry that if my parents or gf find out I could lose them and the shame would be too much. But also my anxiety is due to the different life event I have coming up this year that I need to pay for. Yes my money is growing each month again but I’m still not in a place where I can feel like my life is better. I still don’t feel present and as I said just letting life pass me by and it’s not a way to live and I just want this feeling to be over, I have suffered enough and learned my lesson. My main worry just now is that my car is fully paid off and is worth about 12k, and I am looking to sell and pcp a car, however I am worried due to my bank statements having a big loss on them in February I won’t get accepted. But this money would be a huge help and I feel would get my life back on track, so I am desperate to get it done but am putting it off due to being knocked back. 
Cheers.

@gbt804pchj I know the feeling, I’m currently going through a few things to try getting some money on to replace my losses.

I know banks have a good look at your most recent 3 months, so maybe have another solid month of no gambling and have a go then.

I had a time where I was the same, and the money I wanted to make things better did come in but I continued to gamble.  Make sure you have something in place for when you do get the money not to relapse.

i know allot of the people in here say it’s a good 3-4 months to start feeling somewhat better, and a lot longer to be back to normal. I guess we need to try to be patient and learn from our mistakes and move forward.  A few years on if we can properly stop this cycle, I’d imagine financially we will be in a comfortable position. 

Life’s short, try not to beat yourself up about it and start doing things you actually truly enjoy.  

@6vj82fy54k yeah it’s been 2months and I only feel slightly better. If anything the worry and anxiety about the future has heightened. The thing I need to be thankful for is that I have no debt etc and it’s just about building up savings etc to help pay for things coming up. I do know that I can’t go back and I believe I will stick to this due to the pain I have caused myself and how much it has really affected me. I just hope I can get through the next couple months and be in a much better place both mentally and financially. Trying to take each day as it comes but when you aren’t gambling to try and win back losses and know there isn’t another way other than my salary to replace the losses it is very hard dealing with the guilt and stress! Hoping my mind can be put at ease soon as I do believe I am on the right path out of the cycle. It’s now just about dealing with the consequences. I just wish it could be dealt with quicker.