Hi all. First post on here and am trying something new to hopefully once and for all put this horrible problem to bed. I have been gambling on and off since I was 18 and am now 27. I have always betted on football and never really completely lost it on this alone. However, my downfall and has been every year is online slots. I have won thousands, then lost it, then lost thousands of my own money time and time again. Once I hit rock bottom I have regained control and can stop for many months. But I am stuck in this cycle I eventually go back when I feel financially comfortable again and end up winning a few hundred or thousands again. But ultimately I want to keep winning and end up losing it all and a lot more every single time. I know after every time it happens I say I will never let it happen again but it does. I have singed up to Gamstop but my latest downfall was being able to put my own card details on another account and it let me play and withdraw winnings but after getting greedy and losing thousands I have now closed the account. I want to stop and stop this feeling. I cannot live with the guilt and they constant lying or hiding what I have done time and time again. The amount of money I could have saved over the years and done the things I want to do is what is killing me and I am worried this will catch up with me and everything will come out and I will lose those closest to me. I just want to hear some advice on how I can finally stop and not have this uncontrollable addiction when it comes to slots and not ever be in this situation again. It has to be the last time, I could not cope with it again. I am 2 days after my latest downfall, and really hitting me hard what I have done especially having turned a corner and had decent savings which are now gone. In a real mess tbh and worried what the future holds. Any help is appreciated. Thanks.
Hello winningatlosing,
Thanks for sharing this and welcome to our forum.
It sounds like you’ve been through an exhausting time with gambling and I can hear the huge impact this is all having on you – both financially and emotionally. It can be so stressful being caught up in a vicious cycle.
I can hear your how much regret and guilt you are holding, as well as experiencing worries about your future. You have been really courageous in trying something new to help yourself when you’re feeling so stuck.
A lot of people will be able to relate to how hard it feels looking back at what you’ve lost – including potential opportunities – because of gambling. Although it will be difficult, working on acceptance and finding some self compassion can help here.
It’s really good to hear how self aware you are and that you know one of your triggers is feeling financially comfortable. Perhaps you could look at ways of ensuring any money you have is accounted for and not seen as ‘available’. Restricting access to money can also be useful. We have produced an info sheet on taking control of your gambling spend.
It can feel really isolating going through everything you’ve described but you’re not on your own. There is good support available and a lot of people find a combination of different support methods can help. To find out more about what we offer at GamCare, you can get in touch with our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or use the live chat service (both available 24 hours a day) to speak to someone. You can find out more details about these here: https://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/talk-to-us-now/ .
I hope you can continue using our forums and sharing your experiences.
All the best,
Claire
Forum Admin
I cried reading this as i am going through the same thing, just yesterday i lost again and today i tried chasing the money back cause it's not mine, everything is gone again
@5x90oyqvl8 I’m sorry to hear this. You will get better. The thing that we have to realise and what I should have realised a long time ago, is that the only way this pain will stop completely, is if I stop betting completely. And I know it’s so stupid to say and so obvious, but what I mean when I say that is, too never go back. Put blockages in place. Put money in to accounts that you don’t want to touch. Enjoy life. Think of others, think of my future. Think of the feelings you have just now, the horrible feeling in your stomach, the mask on your face pretending everything is okay and not being present, not being able to smile, not being able to sleep. These are all things I am going through just now. This is by far the worst I have felt throughout my gambling years/losses, but I feel starting to reach out and realise that I don’t want to live a life with these feelings anymore means fully giving up on gambling and not looking back. Yes, I know it will be hard at times, but I need to remember these feelings, as these feelings are the reason why I am stopping and why my pain will stop. There is no other way, I am a problem gambler with a problem. Meaning the only way I can truly move past this, is to completely stop, as I never want to be back in this place. Time is a healer- just have to allow the healing to take place and not go back as I know I will just get sucked straight back in.
Hi Mate,
How are you getting on from this post?
Really weird how much I resonate with your story. I'm also 27 and have gambled since 18 mostly on football and found the kryptonite to be casino slots also. Lost over a grand the past few days after managing to stay away for a few months. Really need to commit this time its just so frustrating going months enjoying a few quid here and there on football which is fine and then will go and blow out on casino. Would be good to keep this thread going with your story being so similar to mine.
Cheers mate take care,
G
@fml123 Hi mate. Sorry you are going through something so similar. Makes me feel slightly better knowing that someone can resonate with me and to know I’m not suffering alone. If im being honest mate I am struggling. I am struggling coming to terms with what I have done and how this year is again going to be another year of trying to build my savings back up. I just feel so shameful and guilty as to the money I have lost and the things I wanted to do this year and have a good solid foundation of savings behind me- but that is now gone. I am trying to only look forward and take each day as it comes but it is hard, I wish I could go back in time. I can feel myself getting back to normal which is a good sign but I just can’t see this feeling going away until I am back in a comfortable position financially which will be months away. I can’t focus on anything else and is really draining me. I’m just in a panicking stage, and I know things will get easier as time goes on and money starts coming back in, which is what I need to focus on. I’m not worried about going back to gambling. I know this has to be it. I don’t have another recovery left in me, I don’t want to feel the way I have ever again, the guilt the shame, the lying, it’s breaking me. As I said trying to move forward but it is hard, will hopefully get there sooner rather than later! How are you getting on mate? And yes would be great to keep this going, would hopefully help us both. Cheers, C.
Hi mate,
I understand your feeling of hopelessness, i'm there now and have been before unfortunately - it's horrible. I completely understand what you mean, such money that can be spent on worthwhile things but is just seen as gambling tokens to us, but its the deep regret after the fact. I am constantly having this battle of denial and believing I can genuinely win back some/all of the money i've lost. I've noticed that it doesn't matter if its £20 or £200 if 'i'm down' then I just need to be in profit - gamblers fallacy. I think personally that you have to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel or else why try? So that's what i'm telling myself.
Take it easy
G
@fml123 yes mate I totally agree. What I am realising I would never be content with any winnings. I would on withdraw if it was a large amount of money, but due to winning I would then be hooked and slowly, (or sometimes quickly) the money would be fired back in and lost and then I would chase these loses and be down a large amount of my own money as well. What I just need to realise as I try to get better each day is the old cliche is very true “the bookies always win”. I need to realise that gambling is not for me, I will never win while continuing to gamble. The only way I will win is if I can finally get off this horrible rollercoaster and start to enjoy a gamble free life. The pain, regret, shame and embarrassment is too much to let this ever happen again. I want to be able to look back soon and realise how much of a better place i am in while not gambling or stressing about being under extreme financial pressures due to gambling losses.
As I said, one day at a time.
Cheers, C.
Afternoon,
You definitely have the right outlook mate and one I really need to adopt permanently. I usually do that for a few days/weeks after i've had a big loss and then spiral back into small bets eventually leading to a collapse and thousands lost. If we can overcome this now at our age, then we are potentially saving a life long quest of shame and embarrassment let alone the financial toll it will take on our lives and loved ones. For sure it's going to be hard, and like I say, harder as the days/weeks pass but every one is a step closer to where we need to be.
I need to start thinking of hobbies/activities that I can replace the time gambling with. I love football but haven't watched it without a bet in years. Same with most sports I enjoy tbh.
Feeling regret today that a large portion of my savings are gone, that I worked hard for and now just sit in the multiple 0's of the bookie bank account.
Hope you've had a better day, take care mate,
G
@fml123 yes mate it is hard, and the savings been gone is the part I’m struggling with as I know how hard everyone works for their money and how long it can take to replace. I’m usually the same when it comes to being able to stay off it for a while then slowly going back to it. This time I honestly feel like it will be different- this time has really affected me and I never want to go through this again. I think I will also struggling with watching football but I do enjoy so hopefully can push past this and just think that any sort of bet will only be the start of going back in to the vicious cycle. Also the same it terms of finding different things to focus on as it seems to be when I’m bored as well. I see places saying things like fantasy football etc but I already play this with my mates so need something new I feel, a new focus.
Cheers,
C.
Hi mate
I definitely think finding a 'positive addiction' is a good step. I would assume you have an addictive personality (at least I do) so if we can turn something that is going to positively effect our lives then that could be a really good thing. I am thinking the gym personally as I am not unfit but I wouldn't say fit either haha. Have you any ideas on what hobbies you may want to do? I'm also trying to think of ways to make some passive income online as I think that will be able to replace gambling if I were to dedicate myself towards it. I played fantasy football for like euros/world cup with my mates but tbh find it boring during the regular season.
Have you told anyone about your addiction/amount you've lost? I can't bring myself to do it.
Hoping one day I will be able to, not sure if it's an ego thing or just the shame.
Take it easy
G
@fml123 hi mate yeah I agree. I am really wanting to try and find an extra way to make some income but I am struggling, have you any ideas? As for hobbies, I am going to the gym a few times a week but I can’t seem to get in the mode of going everyday but I am aiming for it! Would like to find another hobbies as well but also struggling for ideas. I know I used to game a lot when I was younger and could say I was “addicted” to that so I don’t want to go back to that either.
Also, no I have never told anyone about my problems, which for me is definitely due to the shame and guilt and how betrayed my partner would feel. I really hope I will never have to tell anyone, as long as I do truly commit to staying gambling free this time. I really hope I can bounce back and get savings back quicker than I hope too and also try to find another source of income as I said, but am needing a hand with this!
Hope you have a good day.
Cheers, C.
Hi mate,
Not really any strong ideas as of yet but once I find something I will let you know. Good stuff that you're going gym a few times a week, that's something mate and will inevitably have a positive impact on your physical/mental health especially battling this addiction. I also used to game a lot but yeah I agree, also addictive. I suppose everything is about balance.
I also hope not to ever tell anyone and hoping this will just be a thing in the past, problem is this has been ongoing for years now, probably getting on for a decade (since I turned 18). I really need to get a *** before it takes over my life and has serious consequences.
Are you counting the days gamble free? I haven't done that but many people find it useful. Have you thought about attending gambling anonymous meetings? I've never plucked the courage but feel now I may have too.
Hope today went alright for you,
Take it easy,
G
@fml123 yeah I’m the same. It’s went on too long now, that if I don’t fix this problem now, I will have no choice but to tell my loved ones and most likely lose them, which I obviously really hope it doesn’t come to. So after my last relapse, I got in touch with gamcare and they ask you if you want to speak to someone and have “sessions” with the aim of helping you. So, to prove to myself that I am serious this time, I said yes. Last week, I had an introduction call with my point of contact and he was honestly great. We discussed how I’m feeling, the reasons possibly why I have found myself in this situation, and how we move forward. I came out it feeling more positive. Obviously I still feel terrible about everything and just as bad, but feeling more optimistic about the future. Last night, I then had my first proper session which was on zoom call, which lasted roughly 45mins. Again, discussing feelings and emotions, as well as someone to just give a different outlook and provide advice, has again made me feel slightly better. My problem is, the guilt and shame isn’t going away and my financial issues now are going to take a good bit of time to get back. However, really trying to have the outlook that this is where I am now, and as long as at the end of every day I can say I did not gamble, and the start of every day I can say do not gamble, then my problems will be getting smaller, and I will be improving in every aspect of my life. That’s what we discussed last night, and although I’m still finding everything very hard, taking stock and realising where I am at just now and where I want to be down the line (and not be) is really helping. I would honestly advise reaching out on here and speaking to someone mate, I wish I had done this years ago and held myself accountable to hopefully nip the problem in the bud a long time ago, but hey, I’m here now. The calls can be scheduled after 5pm on some nights so both of mine have been after work, and I have had them before I go home so I am by myself and it is only me and my point of contact. Still just taking each day as it comes and trying to get back to my normal self each day, which I hope to reach soon.
Take it easy mate.
ps, even talking to you I feel is helping a lot as well.
Cheers,
C
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