Advice please : (

Hi becki what a shock. Call gamcare and get advice and support. Priority is you and your daughter. Pay rent/ mortgage bills food. His debt is for him to negotiate. As he's lost his job I would suggest debt plan. Step change, debt camel are things to look at. If you want real life experiences and good support go to gamanon. I go, my husband GA. You will get through this, try and be calm. Look after you. Keep all your finances separate, no joint accounts. Is he seeking help? He should go to GA. Is the loss of job the only action his employer is taking? I would also encourage him to relinquish all accounts and credit cards. My husband has no money, if he has to buy stuff he has to get receipts. You can get software blocks to download onto all gadgets. You can talk to internet provider and phone company to block access. Downgrade phones so no internet. open all the post. These are all practical suggestions to help you get the full picture of what has gone on. Don't hide this, you need support from family and friends to get through this. Also you don't want him to borrow from them, if he hasn't already. I don't mean to shock you but it happens. Call the helpline and maybe get counselling for you too. At the moment you will feel completely overwhelmed. It's unbelievable the lengths a compulsive gambler will go to. It's all secrets and lies. Totally devastating. I wish you luck, keep posting and asking questions.

Thanks for replying. We've sat down and I think he's told me the whole truth. I'm just so scared he will do it again. I will look into all the things you have suggested. It's nice to know you are not alone. Really appreciate your advice. X

Hi becki unfortunately this is forever, keep your eyes open, be vigilant. Compulsive gamblers are great liars. Whatever you do, don't do it on your own. Get support.

Hi Becki,

If he is serious about getting help he should be attending nearest GA meeting every week, he shoul dgive you access to his bank accounts, emails, credit history the lot. Clear score website for example gives you a free credit report for example, I use this and my partner has access to it so she can see on there any loans or credit cards I take out. If he is unwilling to do these things you know for sure he is not giving full disclosure.

As Merry go round has suggested you need to protect yourself also, compulsive gamblers barley know truth from lies as we tell so many to hide our addiction, so keep you finaces sperate completely, basically you have to have a plan in place if you need to leave him.

I know all this is a shock but you are not alone, there is GamAnon for this reason. Get to a meetign and get some support and advice.

You need access to his credit reports from all three agencies. Not all lenders report to all of them. These are available free and on an ongoing basis via Noddle (Callcredit), Clearscore (Equifax) and Experian via MSE's credit club. Once you have these you have a better picture of what is going on although obviously they won't show informal 'loans' from friends and family if any. You must prevent him having any access to household finances and/or your daughter's savings if any as a priority.

Is there any chance at all of paying back the money he's stolen in return for his work not taking it further and giving him a neutral reference for future job hunting? That would be a best case scenario but he may be best advised to speak to a body like CAB or a union if he has one about his options. CAB will also be able to advise you what help you can apply for in your own right.

Have you got some support for yourself? Gamanon meetings are rated here and Gamcare offer counselling and support for affected family members. Don't discount RL support either. You have a lot to take on board and get to grips with.Get help where you can.

Thanks for all your comments. It's all so overwhelming. Had a better day today. He is going to GamAnon tomorrow and calling GamCare helpline to get counselling. I've done all credit checks and think I have the full picture, it's ended up at the £20k mark.

its nice to know you are not alone as horrible as that sounds

Hi Becki just to clarify gamanon is for you, family and friends. GA is where he should be going. I'm glad you feel a bit better. Keep posting asking questions and offloading. Don't forget about you. Good luck!