Hi Everyone,
Back on here after having a few weeks off thinking things were improving. I just wanted some opinions and advice please.
My husband admitted to having a gambling problem and has done fantastic in trying to deal with it. He attends GA meetings, he gas joined stepchange so they are helping with his finances and informed his and my parents.
I did have his phone and wallet but he has recently had those back to try and build up the trust (its been 58 days since he last gambled). I have acess to his bank and to his phone.
However, recently his actions have got me questioning if he was gambling again. For instance he went out on a lads night and took his wedding ring off and went to a strip club. He said it was because he was antidepressants and he had it in his head I was cheating after everything he had done so thought our marriage was over. Im not having an affair and he's come to realise this, why would I go through this with him to do that? Hes also been snapping at me (he says I push him) and been on his phone alot (he says playing clash of clans)
He has turned a corner in that he does more with me and the family now and helps out with the house etc which he didn't befote.
so anyway I looked at his phone history (he was asleep after night shift) and he flipped at me saying I shouldn't be sly and go behind his back. He showed me his bank and as far as I can see he hasn't gambled. But he has been on a gambling site (he said to demonstrate to himself that if he had bet he would have list x amount of money, he did not log in) .
Am I wrong in checking his phone, as I said its been 58 days gamble free but ive had years of being lied too . He's in a good place and he thinks I should be too. I should of asked him if I could look but I took my moment because something was nighling at me.
sorry its so long winded. Any advice would be greatly received.
Hi Rodders,
So sorry you have had to go through this. The honest answer is no-one but your OH knows whether he has slipped. What I can say is I get snappy and defensive after a gambling episode so you are right to be on your guard. Would it be easier for him to handle if his parents confronted him?
Hope everything works out for you both soon.
Hi Somethingsgottagive,
Thank you for your reply. I was wondering whether I should speak to his parents. He used to get snappy when he had gambled so it's obviously a big trigger for my suspicions.
I always got snappy & defensive when i was questioned while gambling. Visiting a gambling site then trying to justify it is typical addict bull#### . As for having his cards back after just 2months seems premature to me. Perhaps after all he has put you through he should show some humility & understanding how difficult this is for you too. For both his & your sake dont give in to his immature cries of im fixed you should trust me! Have you attended a GA meeting with him? Contacted Families Anonymous. Does his GA group have a gamanon meeting. Here you may find some advice to how to protect both you, your family & him
Hi Rodders,
Poor you. I think you were right to check his phone, I would have too but maybe that's a woman thing! I'm no expert but I think that GA would be telling him that he has to be completely honest and open with you including allowing access to his phone, bank account etc Is he here on Gamcare? This has been a Godsend to me and I can't recommend it highly enough, there are so many people offering support and advice. I have blown a huge amount of money but worse than that, I have let my son down and the guilt is the pits but this past 4 weeks I have been able to talk to people in the same situation which has helped me no end. Some are in GA, some not. re; the parents, I think if I were you I would talk to them, if you put on a united front without backing him into a corner and all let him know that all you want to do is help him in his recovery, it wouldn't hurt would it?
Hope it all goes well for you Rodders.
Rach x
Hi Rodders
Difficult to know what's best but communication and sharing is the starting point for me and my family.
Its great that he feels after 58 days he's in a great place but to tell you that you needn't worry. LOL
If I tried that with my lot I'd be laughed out of the room but I like how you are trying to keep communicating. Just note that gambling can be an incredibly strong addiction and even though a person isn't gambling doesn't necessarily mean life will be hunky dorey.
Great thing is he is trying and so are you. Well done and keep us updated.
Tri
Hi Everyone,
Thank you for taking the time to responding to me. I feel alot better that im not going mad. I think I need to take one day at a time and try and build on the trust and get our marriage back on track.
Thank you all x
Hi Rodders,
I've been a gambler.
I could tell such "stories" and they'd trip off the tongue so easily that I'd almost believe them myself !
Joking apart.
You will be wary after years of lies with some justification. You need to do what you have to do to protect yourself and your family.
That's all I can say really.
I love my man, but i dont trust him and thats how we have to work, if i feel the need to check things then i do, if he gets snappy and defensive about it then i know hes got something to hide. He is what he is and we have to work round it, its only information, he can live with it.
I'd trust him with my life, with out childrens lives, but the bank cards are another matter 😀
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