Hi
Im the mum of a cg which some would say is a totalydifferent thing to what you're all going through. However the cg mindset is still the same who ever they are, and still wreak havoc in theirs and their loved ones lives.
I used to feel incredibly guilty all the time, thinking could I try harder, maybe theres something Ive missed, after I should know Im his Mum. But I no longer think that way, the guilt is gone, we've done our best, its impossible for us tried any harder. I got to this point with the help of this forum but also my counsellor that Gamcare arranged, they were fantastic and Id highly recommend.
My son has been and gone several times now and each time has been awful, we've been called bad parents for giving up, its also said we should of tried harder. He has been told that living this way is not indefinite, there will come a point we part company once and for all if he continues the way he is. Ive no idea when this will be but I know for certain it will happen, I cant face the rest if my life living with a cg in denial.
I do belive that my son is ill but I also believe he has free will and makes his own choices. Yes I know its a very powerful addiction and takes time and a lot hard work but it can be done if he wants it. He knows he has our love and support but so far he still doesnt want to choose recovery. So what are we supposed to do when theres no end in sight, just keep going endlessly hoping that things will get better.
None of us have anything to feel guilty for, we've all done our very best and are tested to limits of what we can bare.It doesnt mean we dont love them nor do we not care any more but living with a cg in denial is hell and its up to us when we say enough is enough.
I think you're quite right to say enough is enough. It isn't unfair to tell your son you don't want his gambling in your life. It is his choice to choose gambling over his family. You said you'll always be there to support him should he seek help. That's wonderful. He'll need that support one day. When he is ready. Gamblers often need to hit rock bottom before they are in a place where they're ready to get help and kick the gambling. I began gambling about twenty years ago and knew I had a problem for a good ten years before I was ready to quit. And even then I'd quit for a few months then go back to gambling, so I must've only been half serious about quitting. That cycle lasted probably another 8 years before I got serious about my gambling recovery. It took me a long time, but I got there. You're son will too.
It won't be easy. There may be resentment along the way too, but stay strong. I admire you're strength. My parents helped me out along my way. They lent me money when I'd gotten into difficulties due to gambling. They were always there to hug me when I had slips. I wonder if they had been a bit tougher, perhaps told me I'd have to move out if I gambled again, my problem gambling might not have been so prolonged. They supported me the best they could the only way they knew, but in some ways they made it easier for me to continue my cg behaviour.
In the end, no matter how many people are there to help, nothing will change until the compulsive gambler is in a place where they want to change.
I wish you and your son all the best x
Hi Pinky 333
Thank you for your support.
I often wonder if we'd been tougher earlier on we might not of gotto the point we are now, but its a waste a of energy to beat myself up about it. There have been times when we have rescued him, and saved him from some disaster and in hindsight I really wish we hadn't. The problem was seeing him such a state it was hard not to, but if course its notthe answer and we've learned our lesson.
We've been going round in circles for so long that I know if he lives with us he's not going to choose recovery, we are his safety net. On one of the occassions he was told to leave he was given plenty of notice to find somewhere else to live, and we told him we'd give what ever help he needed to do that. Unfortunately it didnt go down well he reacted very badly and it ended in a bad way.
In my head I'd like him to find somewhere nice to live and we'd all get along fine, the truth is though hes going to as furious with us as ever and will cut us out of his life as he's always threatened.
The idea of not having him in my life is unbearable but so is living this way too, it has to come to stop at some point, Im just trying hard to pluck up the courage to say so.
X
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