Basic question re son gambling

Maybe, maybe not. A lot depends on how addicted he is to gambling and also if he really wants to stop. I was bailed out / part bailed out many times but ultimately the illness was too strong for me. Regardless of how many safeguards i had in place i could always find a way to gamble and get hold of money.

Has he considered counselling (Gamcare offers it ) or other types of support like GA? Gamcare could offer support to you too.

The important thing i hope i never forget is this is a long term recovery and not a problem that just goes away, but when i do the right things in recovery things are often better

Let us know how everything progresses.

Sure others will be in to offer their two dimes worth. Good luck!

Hi Mark, welcome to the forum 🙂

Sorry to see you here but better it’s out in the open now whilst he is so young!

Will it work? Truthful answer is, financially maybe, addiction wise, unlikely! At the moment, he may genuinely feel like this is a weight off of his shoulders & he will never gamble again but the reality is, gambling is not a financial problem & our word is not to be trusted. I’ve been in your son’s shoes a number of times but because I never tackled my addiction, I kept on going back to it. What do you want from him ‘reading up’ on problem gambling? You don’t need to look far on this forum to see people deluding themselves that “this time” they really are done with it, not to mention people who think they can control it...As masters of manipulation a compulsive gambler will see what we want to see. The best way to support him is to read up for yourself on what this means & if possible, get to a GamAnon meeting where people in your position can give you real life support along with their sometimes cold hard truths. You can’t make him get the help & support that will best place him going forwards but educating yourself will keep you wise & on your guard for the tells so that maybe you can see when he is struggling & give him a friendly nudge. Best advice is not to bail us out as we don’t feel the consequences of our actions so do make sure that he pays you back & maybe be prepared for longer term financial control (ideally credit reports too so you can be sure of the full extent).

It’s also worth looking @ blocking software (K9 is fre but the helpline can advise you). He’s a lucky boy to have you on board & I hope knowing you are there means he can stabilise himself very quickly & start living a fulfilling life - ODAAT

Hi Mark 2222.

Its a start and it is an essential step that he lives on an allowance and provides receipts. Possibly a stricter allowance than you are currently considering. It will also need monitoring of all aspects of his credit file so he has no access to other loans. Gadgets must be monitored with blocking software or removed from him completely with just a basic calling phone etc.

He builds up a pride in doing right and buying worthwhile things. I need to stress its at the sort of level where if he needs a shirt he tells you and provides the receipt. I say this because if hes out having a £50 gambling session in a pub its easier to hide and fuels the secrets of the addiction. Ive been there and I know how this dangerous addiction controls the mind into thinking its cheeky and harmless.

Cash is not his friend in these early stages so electronic transactions are traceable and can be proved. I know from experience that enough cash in pocket is not a good idea for a recovering gambler

If he is ready to let the born again moment wash over him he may be ready now to stop. It takes more discussion and talking it through. He should attend a Gamblers Anonymous meeting where they will be supportive but will see through any continued urges or gambling talk.

When I was younger I had no idea about money. To a point I felt the world owed me a living and I could have £700 (£1500 in todays money) video 8 players and far east holidays on barely more than a minimum wage job. I was living off the bank of mum and dad and to be fair my employer was deviously relying on me living on the bank of mum and dad. Honestly I have had a funny relationship with money most of my life or maybe I am just coming to terms with the fact that latest fad, fashion or gadget doesnt really make me happy.

He cant have it all but thats ok and its a learning process which results in serenity. He doesnt need it all and many people are trying to sell us something we dont need including gambling

Its a learning process about money again. If there is a little bit left over we are doing well and I had to come to terms with who is paying what for my basic skills

Your decisions will be ongoing for a while depending on how he reacts and shapes up to the challenge of recovery. You will be tweaking decisions and extending blocks in the early days.

So yes it works on the level that all money is protected while his mind heals. However here is the biggy...It grants us the serenity to realise it may always be within compulsive gamblers and there is never room for complacency.. Its a long term process but gamblers do recover well and I dont even think about having a gamble because Im so happy to be gamble free.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Thank yo so much for all the help and advice given, it really is appreaciated.

It seems I have a lot to think about. The main issue is he talks of his gambling in past tense, as its as if it was something that he used to do which he has simply stopped now having realised its a bad idea. He is certain he doesnt need help (other than the money) and gives the impression that my concerns are unneccesary, but hes happy to go along with them as I was good enough to bail him out and hes happy to prove his innocence. This is why I insisted he read up on gambing problems in case he has a problem but doesnt realise.

I mentioned a credit file and hes happy to give me access. Part of the problem is that hes an adult and if I steam in too strong he might close up. I will certainly be keeping a close eye on things.

Thanks again for all the help.

Hi Mark

A CG who doesn't want to stop will look you in the eye, tell you everything you want to hear and be right back at it without missing a beat. He's making some of the right noises but not wanting external help can be a sign of denial.

Be wary and don't be worried about steaming in. A CG who won't stop can and will drag everyone around down with them and constantly bailing them out means constantly giving them a clean slate to carry on. I handle all the finances and see absolutely everything I want to including opening post and don't plan to change that ever. Mr L accepts the lack of trust as just one of the consequences to the way he behaved.

Thanks again, so far so good.