Broken

Hi Sad and Lonely

Im so pleased to hear you've been to counselling, it had exactly the same effect on me.

I promise you are going to feel a lot better, I wont lie its not easy its hard work but you will be ok. Not so long ago I was as low as you, couldnt imagine ever feeling any better but Im coming out the other side now and I can honestly say Im ok.

After my counselling with Gamcare I was referred to our mental health team too, before I even started Id wrote it off thought they couldn't help, it wouldnt fix anything and I couldnt imagine ever feeling any better, I was very wrong.

They will find the best thing that works for you, for me it was CBT, and at first it didn't feel like it was making a difference I kept saying its not going to change my situation so how can it help. I was told just to keep going, and one day it started to click and I noticed some changes for the better.

My son is still a cg, I dont know where he is, so nothing has changed there but Ive learned how to cope, Ive been given the tools as they were called to do that, I have to work at it every day but its all so much easier now. I have moments when I panic but I go straight back to what I was taught and its reassuring to know I can.

I absolutely agree with your counsellor do not engage with your husband, no matter how much he baits you dont get drawn in. If you have to speak to him say what you need to and walk away, you are in no state to be listening to his mind games, leave him alone, it does help.

Broken is how I described myself too, and taking care of yourself is more important than ever. Try forgetting all the things that you tell yourself you must do and do something that makes you feel good, if the ironing needs doing but its a nice day go for a walk with the kids instead.

It is as you say baby steps, or as Amom said to me just keep putting one front of another and and no more. Be kind to yourself and do what ever you need to take care of you.

You are not on your own, keep talking to us, call the helpline as much as you need ( I certainly did) they're always there to help.

Ann xxx

Phoenix67,

Lovely to hear from you and thanks for taking the time to reply to my post.

I have been doing the things you've suggested already, as it was something my counsellor noticed in me straight away - that I am very good at noticing what other people need but terrible at recognising my own needs. My "homework" was to do something for me everyday, no matter how small, but to take that time. So I've been going for walks as it frees my mind, and to be honest,it isn't so much of a chore as I live in the middle of the countryside and am surrounded by such breathtaking beauty I'm more than happy to do this for myself. I've also been meeting a friend once a week for coffee and breakfast. He doesn't like this but it's tough, I need it. I see no other adults socially except him and need that adult interaction. He wants to keep me locked in his bubble of shame and isolation and I can't do that anymore. He doesn't like me going to counselling but it has helped me no end and will be sad when I've had my last session in a few weeks time.

I will continue to post on here as you have all helped me so much too and of course call the helpline.

Im pleased to hear you too are finding your way, small steps as they are, they mean the world when all you can see and feel is darkness. Keep going, it's comforting to know that we're not alone on this rocky road.

I wish you all the best Ann,

Take care, Dawn-Marie x

Hi,

Glad to hear that the counselling's helping. Are you in a position to pay for continued counselling after the free sessions end - insist that this is a necessary part of your budget? Might help.

Look after yourself,

CW

Hi Sadandlonely80

I can hear that this is a difficult time for you, so I want to first tell you that you have done really well to embark on some counselling to help you make some decisions.

Secondly I want to encourage you to keep using the forum for advice and support when ever you feel the need. As you know the healing process is gradual so try to continue dealing with things a day at a time, and look after yourself

Its also good to hear that you are feeling a bit calmer, it helps to understand that the responsibility for recovery lies with the gambler and that you are not to blame yourself in any way.

Hope this helps have a restful day

Kind regards

Cade

Hi there

I've just read your last post after literally just joining this site and what I am reading is the point that I have almost reached!

It's hard to feel much positivity isn't it? When the one you've devoted your life to lies and is secretive all the time, where do you go when your trust has been destroyed? It's massively frustrating that no matter what you throw at/offer these compulsive gamblers/liars, nothing is ever enough, no amount of promises or cajoling..... god only knows why I feel the need to make promises, but you just do don't you?

Hope you are okay?

Bev