Hi Everyone,
I am new to this..
A number of years ago (approx 6)My brother disclosed that he had been gambling and he had been losing a lot of money. He had started a family with his now ex partner and mother of his kids (my beautiful nephew and niece) and has gone to live away from his home area with a new lady and her x2 children. He doesnt see his old school friends anymore and the relationship he has with myself and my mum is so up and down. He gets angry over small things or does not want to rationalise with us of other things we might say and he disgarees on, to the point where he wont see my mum for a good few weeks/months or wont help her with massive mile stones in her life. He was once so stubborn he left us alone to move out of the family home into a new house. This is not the person my brother used to be. He will use his children as a bargaining tool at times, although he disagrees with this. This cycle seems to go over and over, one min everything is ok, the next its not and another family war is on. I was just wondering if anyone else had similar situations and what did you do? Right now he has told us both to get out of his life over something which is pretty silly as he would not rationalise with it. He is not the same person he used to be. We do not know if it is down to the gambling or what. He reports that he goes to counselling for his gambling but we obviously have no proof.
Hi you can't change a gambler, you can't stop a gambler. The only thing you can do is change you. Gamanon meetings offer help and support to family members. The key is to not give them money. Don't keep secrets. Sometimes you have to let go. You can't help him if he chooses to continue.
Hi Browneyedgirl13,
It can be hard dealing with people you care about who are addicts. I know when I was in the grip of gambling I was a horrible person, we sacrafise so much for our gambling as nothing else matters to us in the same way. Everything else gets in the way, we condition ourselves to run away from our problems and into our comfort bubble of gambling.
I know its tough seeing a loved one self destruct but unfortunatly they had to want to get help, no one can force them. Until such time I suggest you and your Mother seek out support, you cannot blame yourselves for how he his or being unable to force some change in him. GamAnon is for family and freinds of Compulsive Gamblers so this may help you.
Like most addictions tough lough is needed really, if he is arguing over nonsensical things then as a family you have to let him know such childish behaviour will not be tolerated. He may use the kids as a bargaining chip which is awful but doing nothing just reinforces his childish behaviour Im afraid.
Thanks for the replies 🙂
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