Can a relationship survive cg?

Thanks again for the comments, what happens at the counciling? I mean what should I expect if i go?

Hi, BiS,

I found it a chance to let off steam and to get some comfort and reassurance but it doesn't change the situation and it won't affect what your husband does.

On the other hand, it's a chance to focus on you for an hour and that can only be good.

Take care,

CW

Hi

Its one hour to say what ever you like, and its all about what you need.

I never thought talking would help, at first I thought I was making more of it than I should but I was very wrong. We started by making a list of all the things that were bothering me and bit by bit we worked through it. For instance I really believed that I was the bad Mum my son told me I was and didnt know what I was doing wrong, the sense of guilt was awful. We went through every little bit and I understand his addcition and my reaction far better than I ever did. I no longer have any guilt and I cant tell you how much better that makes me feel.

It stopped me feeling so lonely, like Ive got someone on my side all the time, its a Cynical Wife says its comforting and gives you the reassuarance that you need. You have so much to gain from counselling its really worth giving it a go.

Ive long thought that if my son continued to gamble that we would end up where we are, and I feel shattered but I know Ive done my best by him and couldnt of done more. If I hadnt got the counselling and had all the wonderful support Ive had from everyone here Id be in a far worse place than I am.

You must put yourself first.

Take care.

So, the full extent of my partners gambling problem came out yesterday. Since then, reading everyone's stories on here has been a real support. My partner has made an appointment for one to one counselling, and promised to give me visibility and (some) control of his finances. This has Been the first time we have been able to have a conversation about finances/gambling without defensiveness, or evasion. But still I am struggling to trust. I want to help, but don't know what to say or do. I feel like it's all I've gone on about for the past 2 days and we are both exhausted. Do I stop talking about it for a while?

I've decided to stop talking about it but today I realise things are eating away at me so I've had to talk,we have talked a lot about him and his situation and my feelings haven't been acknowledged until today- I needed them to be, it was grating on me. I guess the question is, do you have any elements you still want/need to discuss? Also from my experience "some" financial control doesn't cut it!! Half measures lead to more problems and isn't a commitment. Also how are you sure the true extent is known? I don't mean to make your trust issue worse but the amount of times I've thought I knew the full extent and didn't!! See a credit report, I wish I had insisted on this years ago.

One other thing if you can keep communicate open it helps otherwise you can start to think all is ok when it's not.

Hi, M99,

Sorry to hear it, not a club any of us wanted to join.

re trust, separate it from any notion of love. I trust my doctor/ my colleagues/ the lady at the bank counter but I don't love any of them. Conversely, I don't trust my CG husband with anything financial. You may still love him but you can't trust what he tells you so don't. CGs lie, as you have been finding out. Rely on what you see in bank statements, credit reports and financial documents.

Get as much support and information for you as you can. For me, that made the difference between coping and not.

Finally, perhaps start your own thread, if you click on the "new topic" button at the bottom of the family & friends page?

Look after yourself.

CW