Credit Agencies and finances

Hi Lou, welcome to the Forum and well done for posting what you have here – it must have been very difficult, but please look at this as a positive step my friend.

I have stopped for around 8/9 years now; I never reached the stage where I stole – that doesn’t make me any better than your husband because it was there, it was in my bones, I could feel it; I was just lucky enough to stop when I did.

I would like to think that I am an extremely honest, loyal, kind person, but gambling turned my personality inside out, it made me something I am not – accepting that is very difficult indeed, no-one wants to have something in their life that they can’t control. Your husband is not a bad person – if they banned gambling, worldwide, today, then he would be relatively cured. I fully understand and appreciate that this must be very hard for you to do my friend, but you have to separate the person from the affliction – I get the feeling that your husband is a good person, I get the feeling that, without gambling, he is a good man and a good Father; hold onto that if you possibly can. He didn’t know that the first pound he ever gambled would lead onto something that affected his whole life, no-one does – I am not excusing it, he should have sought help earlier, but you can’t possibly know that your first drink, gamble, smoke, bout of binge-eating, bout of dieting etc. would take you over.

Well done for being practical about your finances, that is key at the moment my friend. Your husband will likely be in bits at the moments, he has hit rock bottom and the crashing reality of his actions will hit him like a freight train – what he can’t do is retreat inside himself, he has to tackle each issue as it arises and plan a positive way forward. I don’t know If he has home yet, but if he is, you need to work with him to formulate a plan of where you go from here – finances (and again, enormously well done, you clearly are a strong, caring, practical lady) – that box has been ticked, the court case – he needs to be completely honest, and he needs to be actively seeking help at the very first opportunity so he can shoe the judge that he wants to turn his life around, which may grant him more leniency. I would offer to go with him if you feel up to it my friend, attend a GA meeting with him – it may give you a better understanding of what this illness entails, and you will see that this can affect just about anybody, from any walk of life. Then I would plan a positive way forward – he may receive a custodial sentence, that is something that is out of both of your control, so draw a line under it if you can my friend; the important thing is planning ahead – getting another job may be difficult, so try and think about what his options would be without work for the time being; volunteering would be a good idea, something to keep his mind occupied. It is also a very good idea to plan something positive as well – plan something for one year without gambling, two years, and maybe a dream holiday or something after five years; he needs to see light at the end of the tunnel, as do you my friend.

Lou, I admire you so much, you are an inspiration to others here with your positivity, practical nature and caring attitude; I’m so incredibly sorry that you have experienced this, and I can’t imagine what you are going through, but know in your heart that you are doing all the right things, and coming here could be the most important one of all. If you want help and advice, I will gladly, happily reply to you on here, and I am sure others will too (as they have already). Stay strong my friend – there is only one way you can go now, and that is up, however slow, however gradual that may be.

Hi, Lou,

The other agencies are Call Credit trading as Noddle and Experian.

It is awful but unexpectedly,in our case, there are recent signs of improvement...I was running out of patience.

I would get him to sign a letter to the credit card companies saying that he has a gambling problem (no news there, they can see the transactions) and that he does not want to use the card again nor to be offered further credit. Then I would destroy the cards.

Don't lose focus on you.

CW