Hello everyone. I have been the victim of a gambler who I stupidly invited into my home. As soon as he moved in he changed and I didn't recognise the man I fell in love with. I have gone from having £5k in savings and being able to afford my lifestyle... to an £80k mortgage and £12k credit card debt all in 12 months.
I have allowed myself to be manipulated and lied to. I wanted to help this man and give him a new start in life after he'd had some difficult times. How stupid was I?!?
He's now moved out, I told him to, but I suspect he only did because he knew that the money had all dried up. Maybe he thought he loved me and wanted to be with me or maybe it was all just a way to get more money to feed his habit.
Anyway, I'm posting here as he has promised to pay me back £400 a month... I think this is an empty promise. Do I just cut my losses and have no further contact or do I fight to get some money back?!?
The only way I can force him to repay me is to threaten him with reporting him for benefit fraud - he is on full PIP of £810 a month despite earning £46k as a top band 6 mental health nurse!! He knows how to work the system and always gets what he needs. I could also contact his family to explain the full extent of what he has done to me and my 7 year old son.
I am concerned about the fall out of this and what he will do... or maybe he'll actually pay me something back?! He denies he has a problem with gambling, he is bipolar and I honestly think there are other issues at play.
What would you do? Any advice gratefully received.
He needs to be held to account but are you emotionally equipped to have regular contact with him? Can you set up a standing order so you don’t have to have contact. Is his family likely to be supportive if you say something or shut you down? Could that make you feel worse about the situation. Reporting him will only give you short term gratification. Think about what you actually want the outcome to be and think of how you can achieve it. If he’s manipulative is he likely to continue gaslighting you? Is there part of you hoping it can work out with him? Take your time before you decide what your next move is. As far as accountability ( me also being a mental health nurse) he will only take accountability when he is ready and there is nothing you can do to change that. So concentrate on your needs and let him get on with it otherwise you are likely to only cause more distress to yourself. If he is willing to pay you back then that’s great but if he is going to blow hot and cold and you end up begging every month for the money, then it’s going to cause you more distress. I personally would set up a payment plan and then leave him to it and hope for the best. Family and pip?? Well is he likely to react to that and not pay anything at all? Will his family even care or will they make excuses for him?
Really sorry to hear about your situation.
With regards to the credit card debt, If the debt/card is yours then you could try to make a claim for unaffordable lending and see if you can get the amount reduced or written off.
If nothing more than at least you tried.
Hope things work out for you.
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