Does it get easier?

Nope. The chances of a relapse are always there. If you can settle for that reply all will be good.

I have gambled for 35 years. I have relapsed more times than I can count. I have wasted 2 families and I am as open and honest about this as you can get.Eventually you get wiser and you develop survival skills.

A relapse is not always a bad thing.But the lust for the game takes an awful long time to forget. There is no other way to explain it. So whatever comes from your experience. You need to always have a plan B and always have protection for you. There is no other way around it.

This takes a h... of a long time to fix. Lot's of people never manage to get of it but some do.

I wish you well

Best

C

@guitar123 

If he is doing all the right things regarding his recovery then there’s a good chance he’ll keep recovering.
The addiction never leaves but recovery keeps it at bay. What generally happens is people stop going to GA or working on their recovery and when that urge comes back the addict doesn’t have anywhere to get rid of it and that’s when they start on the slippery slope to relapsing. It’s called complacency, thinking you’ve got it beaten.

I’ve relapsed before because I had no way of dealing with my feelings. GA gave me an outlet and because I’d stopped going I didn’t deal with those feelings correctly.

Within GA there is a program called the 12 steps. It’s a recovery program about change, and that change helps in recovery. It has helped me stay off a bet for longer than ever before but also given me an insight into myself which has helped me develop strategies against relapsing. 
I couldn’t say that I wouldn’t gamble again, but something I have learned that is so simple that more people should know this, and is that I have a choice. It’s the only choice in gambling that I have. I can choose to place or not place that first bet. It’s that simple, and every day I choose to not place a bet. I don’t have a choice over the 2nd or 100th bet but as long as I don’t place the 1st bet I’ll be okay.

So to summarise my own experience, it’s always there waiting but as long as I attend my meetings (2 hours a week) and continue to work a program then I can keep my gambling at bay. If I stop that then potentially at some point I could relapse. It’s not a difficult choice.
It does get easier with time but as long as I remember to give the addiction the respect it deserves I’ll be okay.

Just to touch on the money side of things, giving over of money isn’t meant to be forever. If you are both happy with your arrangement keep going as it sounds like it’s working, but remember you are just preventing access to the money, not controlling it. Don’t feel all that responsibility for someone else’s behaviour.
Your support is fantastic and exactly what the gambler needs but it’s support only and the gambler has to take responsibility for their life at some point. But if it’s working keep at it.

Hope that helps.

Chris. 

For a gambling addict it can get easier but the relapse is always possible, we need to keep our guard up , i have several times , i'm 66 days gambling free but i've been here before. I think your partner has done really well , you will always be anxious but you can calm this by checking credit files for yourself and your partner , controlling the finance , enough for some freedom but not enough to go burn it in a casino or bookmaker. You will always have to control, but this happens in relationships sometimes without gambling, it can be just good housekeeping.

Thank you for posting and sharing your thoughts. I am a partner of a compulsive gambler and i can very much relate to what you are saying. The thought of him relapsing almost gives me a panic attack. I’ve been very open to my partner that his addiction has an impact on my mental health and i myself need my own healing. My partner’s last gamble was 2+ years ago and with all honestly i can say we’ve never felt stronger now more than ever. The gambler will need to put in the hard work and commitment and all we can do is support. Three months after he confessed to me, he had a wobble. He didn’t relapse but he did try to gamble. Fortunately the gamstop worked then. Maybe he was also testing the barrier i’m not sure. I felt horrible and i remember very vividly his face when he did it, he looked so scared. My heart broke for him. I found out about it because he forgot to log out his email on my phone so i saw the email from the gambling site. We were both devastated but we learned loads from it. I really came to understand how strong the addiction is. And if gamblers do it it’s not out of disrespect or not because they don’t love their families, it’s because the addiction is a very serious illness. So you really need to put 100% hard work to fight it. You can never be complacent, the risk of relapse is just around the corner if you’re not putting in the work. Do i check his emails now? No because if he wants to gamble he will do so and will create loads of other email accounts. But i have my conditions. I need to see that he wants to stay in recovery. So he attends Ga at least 2x a week even when we’re on a holiday he makes sure to make time for it he finds an online meeting. I don’t ask him to do this but he’s the one to make sure he doesn’t overlook the meetings. He also completed the 12 steps Ga programme and now finding someone to sponsor. He doesn’t have access to savings. He manages his money in a sense that when he gets paid he sends me money for bills, mortgage and savings (that is kept in an account under my name only). The rest of the money left isn’t much but he can manage it himself and i get notifications of all his transactions (with his consent of course) on my second phone. I also have access to his credit report (again with his consent) to see if there are any searches which could mean he has applied for a loan. I agree with what Chris said above that the financial monitoring may not need to be permanent but I have explained to my partner that without this reassurance it will have a negative impact on my mental health. He understood and we’re happy for this to be the setup life long because it works for us. Every now and then i may still experience a moment of panic because of the trauma i went through.   For example when he had food poisoning i had a panic attack that he was faking it and brought all the memories from when he spent ages in the loo pretending to have GI problems when all the while he was gambling. But actually indeed he had a bad food poisoning, and then i felt sick of guilt after. So what i’m saying is that it’s not easy, but sticking by is definitely 100% worth it if your partner is showing commitment and strong will to stay in recovery. What if my partner relapses? It will break my heart but we will learn from it, find out what slipped through the net, revise the strategies and then soldier on. I was clear with him on that. I will support him, relapses and all if he is willing to put in the very hard work. If he relapses and keeps it a secret from me or if i start to see complacency or if i start hearing excuses that’s when i will give up. I was very clear with him that i love him so much but i also love myself so i can’t stay with him if will ultimately lead a life of self-ruin.

It is possible to fight the addiction and prevent relapses but it does require a ton of work. It is very much worth it though in return of the happiness and peace.