I’ve been with my husband for 11 years married for 6, we have 3 beautiful kids 6 months, 2.5 and 4. My husband has a gambling problem and I just don’t think I can put up with it any longer, ive Never had debt until the last year or so where I’ve got into £15,000 debt bailing him out just to keep a roof over our heads and our bills paid.
How do you cope with being affected by gambling I just don’t know what to
Hi Rachel I hate to see this. Your children are so young. The first thing I would do is ring gamcare and talk to someone. The second is confide in someone, get some support. Don't take on any more debt. His money is not for gambling and debts, it's to contribute to the family. Debt comes last. Go to a gamanon meeting, you can go without him. Safeguard your money, no joint accounts. Credit reports show if there's more debt. Is he seeking help?
I have looked but I don’t seem to have any meetings in my area for some reason, I’ve tried in the past to take the cards away and access to money but he downloaded a banking app so he could use a pin and get cash from the cash point without his card, no matter what I try he finds a way around it, he doesn’t seem to think GA meetings will help. His last spree was yesterday where he spent £850 on his way home from Work it’s like talking to a brick wall, all his family are aware of his gambling his even lost contact with family members but his family don’t seem to be bothered so I literally have my self and now this group to talk to.
Hi Rachel, welcome to the forum 🙂
It’s all too convenient for him to think GA won’t work but what he’s doing isn’t exactly working either so if he genuinely wanted to do something about it, he would give GA a go. Problem is, you’re shouldering his responsibility so he’s not feeling the consequences, you are.
Barriers only ever buy us time, if we can’t get our hands on our own money, we will resort to more desperate measures like begging, borrowing, even stealing. If you can’t get to a GamAnon meeting, are there any CoDA ones in your area? You could also consider some free counselling via this site to help you figure out what you want for yourself & your children, what you are willing to accept from him because living with an active addict means you are missing out on the healthy relationship that you deserve as a wife & a mother.
What you say suggests he’s not willing to get help so as MGR says you need to safeguard yourself & your finances ASAP.
You need to figure out a way to look after you - ODAAT
Hi
He doesn't think GA will help because he doesn't want it to. You can't stop him gambling but you can decide what you tolerate. Make it clear there's no more bailing out for him. Above all avoid taking on more of his debt in your own name.
Secure everything you can of the finances and sever as much financial connection you have with him as you can. An active gambler is quite capable of taking everyone around down with them so make safeguarding the finances as far as you can a priority. If you have friends or family you can talk to about this, do so. RL support can be invaluable.
Think hard about the life you want for you and the children. Put you and them first. He can't be fixed, he can't be saved until he wants it.
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