Hello,
I am hoping to get advise.
My sister is much older than I am, in the recent 2-3 years she has lied to the family and borrowed £17K collectively from us, she has also borrowed money off friends. Since the money was lent she has distanced herself from the family and I thought she was just embarassed to face us, today her partner visited us and said he has been giving her £8K to pay back the debt but she has not paid anyone back, so we now know that she is still gambling.
I spoke to her and said she needs to get help but she refuses and insists that therapy/ counselling will not help and that she has stopped gambling for 6 month. Her character has changed a lot over the years, she used to call and be at family events but now we don't hear from her.
I hear from my family that she used to gamble, borrow and steal money when she was younger but I was too young to remember this happening, so I only remember her when she was not gambling frequently, now she has completely changed and this is the most that she has borrowed from people.
Should I book her a counseling session and take her? I can't trust her to go on her own. Please help.
Hi ch
You are such a good sister for trying to help. Unfortunately, until your sister admits she has a problem and asks for help all of your good intentions will be for naught. You would be better to see if you can find a Gam Anon or call gamcare to get some ideas of how best to help your sister. As friends and family we tend to do all the wrong things for all the right reasons.
Cathyx
Hi ch as Cathy says find a meeting. Call gamcare too. We are powerless. The only thing you can do is stop giving her money. If she needs food etc buy it for her. It's hard to do it alone, I imagine she's very isolated. That's the gambling , it takes everything. Confidence, self esteem. She's probably ashamed to face everyone after borrowing money. Be there for her, support her and continue being the good sister you are. This will be a tough road.
Thank you both for your advise, I have found a local gam annonymous meeting for this week. She currently has full control of her finances, would you take control of that and give her the money she needs?
Hi ch yes if she is willing. It takes temptation away, plus you can see what's going on. My husband just has money if he gets shopping or fares. He has to supply receipt.
As MGR says taking over her finances is a great idea but she has to be on board. If you can find a Gam Anon meeting for yourself that would be very helpful for you... this is not easy.
Cathyx
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
