Hi - I'm new here - although I'm not new to the ways of my gambling husband
In a nutshell, I think I've hit my limit with what I'm prepared to tolerate. I kicked my husband (and father to our 1 year old babies) out a few days ago. The lies and deceit have become too much for me - not knowing where the truth ends and the lies begin in the tangled web of lies that has been weaved. Many would say I am doing the right thing as my husband is still in denial and is most likely only going through the motions I demand to appease me .... It's not coming from him ..(yet?)
I feel I have to protect what we have (and it's complicated as we own businesses together!). However I do feel I am being neglectful by not standing by him and it breaks my heart to imagine how he must feel about himself and what he has done - he is a good person. Despite the reverse anger and protests currently going on. Thankfully he hasn't compromised our financial situation too much but my fears are that in the future this may well happen - perhaps I'm not giving him enough of a chance - I just don't want to make the same mistake as many people speak of and be here in another 10 years with the same set of issues, if not worse (we have been going through this on and off for 3 years now, but the latest unravelling of lies and sneaking around has been by far the worst and suggests he is deep in the addiction - I now suddenly see how it has made him neglectful of his responsibilities for quite some time and why I've been feeling so anxious and sad deep down)
I yo-yo from feeling strong and determined to a crumbling heart broken mess, but I have to be strong for my babies and the businesses.
It's so hard to know if I'm doing the right thing ....
Tough love may be what he needs right now. But even if he sorts himself out I don't know if I can ever get past the lies and the disappointment - it feels like a living nightmare, I think my marriage may be over : (
Hi GS,
Welcome to the forum, and thank you so much for your thoughtful post. It sounds like you've gone through a pretty tough time over the last few years, and your husband's gambling has caused a tremendous amount of stress for you.
You are doing the right thing to protect yourself and your children. I understand how hard it must have been to ask him to leave, but hopefully in doing so that will make him wake up a bit as to how his gambling has affected not only his life, but all of yours as well. As you've probably seen in this section of the forum, living with a compulsive gambler can be very difficult in so many ways, and the best thing you can do is to focus on yourself, and give your kids a chance at a more peaceful life. He needs to address things at his end, and perhaps this will be the motivation he needs to do that.
In any event, I hope you find the forum to be a place of support. If you'd like to chat with any of us further about your situation, we'd be happy to do that with you on either the Netline or the Helpline, just give us a call. We could also point you in the direction of individual counselling if you wanted some extra support.
Hope this helps, and hang in there.
Travis
Hi Travis. Thank you for your reply and understanding.
I am due to see a counsellor next week via Gamcare so hopefully that will be worth while ....
I don't want to be a victim/casualty for longer than I can help and I hope that I will stay strong on that front - nobody deserves to live with this right.....
Thanks again
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