Dear friends and family,
I wrote in here that I was victim to someone I thought to be a friend who has got me into a lot of debt. Things got better as he told me he'd got a new job and that he had control of his finances and that he would pay me monthly. This hasn't happened and he's done his same thing of persuading me to get involved in some get rich quick scheme he had and also that he needed to borrow money to fund a work trip. I'm so stupid that I believed him and now I'm stuck where I can't pay Stepchange again. I've had enough and I really can't think of it getting any better that I want to end it so no one has to worry about it anymore. My family will be upset me with when they find out this situation that they won't be upset when they find out so it won't matter if I go.
Hi d84. Did you get any help before from your employer? Call stepchange. He needs to be reported. Call gamcare get some help for you to stop being fooled by this guy. I'm sure there is some recourse, I would report him to the police.
Hi D84,
You are hoping to get your money back and you continue to give this person a chance to put things right. However, remember that you are dealing with a problem gambler. It's important you share this with others and not stay isolated. I would like to encourage you to get in touch with GamCare to discuss your situation or speak to your doctor if you have such negative thoughts.
Best wishes,
Forum Admin
Merry go round wrote:
Hi d84. Did you get any help before from your employer? Call stepchange. He needs to be reported. Call gamcare get some help for you to stop being fooled by this guy. I'm sure there is some recourse, I would report him to the police.
Hi Merry go round. I didn't get any help from my employer because they didn't know about it. I wish I'd said something because I don't know if anyone else has been affected. It's carried on but again, he's very clever and knows what to say to get me to give him more and promises he'll give it back with very clever stories. I'm worried that Stepchange won't take the fact that he asked me for more money as a legitimate reason for not being able to make the payment. I'm not strong enough to go through the police.
Hi D84
I am sorry to hear of your situation, but I also feel you are not helping yourself at all. You need to get tough, he is walking all over you. Not only has he not repaid you, but he taken more money from you. He is making up stories to you and you are handing over cash.
You need to stand up to him, you are currently in a lose lose situation. You say you are not strong enough to go to the police, but you are also not strong enough to say NO when he asks for more money. You absolutely must stand up for yourself, he is a liar who cannot be trusted and he is making a fool of you. He needs to face the consequences of what he has done to you, but only you can make this happen.
Please do not think I say this to be unkind to you, I say it to help you. Stand up for yourself, this person is NOT your friend.
Thank you @greenflash. I understand that you don't mean to be unkind. When I kept giving him money he was always very believable when he said he would get it back to me and he'd really thought about what he was going to say to make me believe it. It was like I was trapped and I felt l had to be civil with him to get some semblance of my money back but the pattern has continued. These probably all sound like excuses and justifications that you've heard before. I guess I'm incredibly scared of having to deal with it all and how my family are going to react.
Hi d84 yes stepchange will definitely help you. They have all sorts of help regarding money. I have heard of this before and you definitely get your money back if you go the legal route. Stepchange are brilliant I have called them regarding loan sharks information and they were excellent. Just call. What have you got to lose? Listen to us and stop listening to him, he's a con man. You won't be the first or the only person this has happened to. I got all the numbers from victim support. Report him, he'll be thinking about how he can get more money from you. It's all confidential.
Hi D84
He is a conman, so will be believable and the pattern will definitely continue while you still give him money. If he had any intention of giving you back your money, he would not continue to borrow more by lying to you.
Take the 'Stepchange' advice from merry go round. Do something positive to change your situation. I also agree with MGR that this conman is always thinking of how he can take more money from you.
Thanks for all your advice. I have emailed Stepchange and told them so I hope they will understand and be able to help. He keeps saying stuff like he's got it or he'll be there tomorrow but then when it comes to it, he'll ignore my messages. I've told him not to lie to me and I told him how difficult I find it all and that I want to end things cos I can't deal with it but he will appease me and then his lying makes it worse. I really don't understand how someone can do that. Thank you all again.
Forum admin wrote:
Hi D84,
You are hoping to get your money back and you continue to give this person a chance to put things right. However, remember that you are dealing with a problem gambler. It's important you share this with others and not stay isolated. I would like to encourage you to get in touch with GamCare to discuss your situation or speak to your doctor if you have such negative thoughts.
Best wishes,
Forum Admin
hi forum admin. How do I use netline? I'm not sure I'm ready to speak to someone over the phone yet. Thanks.
Hi D84 How are things going, have you made any progress with stepchange and your situation in general. Hope you are ok.
greenflash wrote:
Hi D84 How are things going, have you made any progress with stepchange and your situation in general. Hope you are ok.
Hi Greenflash. I have contacted Stepchange and they were surprisingly helpful which made me feel a lot better. I emailed them because I'm not very good talking over the phone so I'm glad they let me do that. They have given me exception on my July payment But have explained that my plan could close if I miss more payments. I will continue to make the payments but will ask Stepchange for advice on what I can do from here on. I have told the guy that I think we shouldn't speak anymore.
Good start, have you taken the advice of MGR, in dealing with your conman friend. Can I ask if you are a quiet, reserved person, who maybe is not keen to stand up to this person. I sense you are reluctant to deal with him in the proper way. This man has taken all your money and ruined your life. I hope you can find the strength to stand up to him. Why should you suffer because of him, put yourself first.
Thanks Greenflash.
I am a reserved person and i hate speaking to people over the phone which makes this kind of thing worse. I'm going to seek further advice of what I can do. I need to be strong and stick to what I said about him not contacting me. He is a compulsive liar, selfish, has no regard for the situation he's put me in and I don't wish ill of anyone but he deserves his karma from all this.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
