Hello all.
I am a wife of a gambling addict. He has been gambling now for probably over 15years, 8 of those he has been with me. I suspect it is longer but I guess it's irrelevant anyway. My husband loves to gamble. He lives each day to place a bet. It is what gives him the most joy in life. Regardless of the hurt and destruction it causes him and others, he has catagorically told me he never has any intention or desire to stop gambling. I, however, am at the end of my tether with it all. I resent the gambling. I resent the amount of money he wastes each week that could be put towards a family holiday or day out with our kids. I loathe the person he becomes when he's doing what he does. I'm unsure if I have enough love and forgiveness left inside of my heart to want to keep battling something only I want to beat. He changes more and more and I don't know the person I'm married to any longer. He is nasty, verbally and emotionally abusive....and I guess financially aswell, though to his credit, never physically abusive. His behaviour is now making me ill. Whenever he starts kicking off and ranting I start to be sick and have pains in the centre of my chest through the anxiety over the situation I'm in yet have no control over. He is very well aware of how what he does affects me but he doesn't care. To him, I'm probably the third wheel in his relationship with his online bookmaker! I am tired of living this half existence of a life I'm currently forced to live. I deserve more. I want more.
Morning Flossy
Im sorry to read your situation. It sounds all very familiar. I can relate to the feelings you are experiencing. CG do change so much don't they?
You know that you can't make him stop and he obviously has no intention of stopping. You know it's making you ill. Do you have a friend/family member who you can talk to? You need help and support, someone who can talk through your options. You don't have to continue to live like this. You do deserve more.
Keep posting on here, you will get good advise from others who have been there.
Try to do something this weekend to help you relax, all the best.
Hi, Flossy,
My husband is a CG, we're long term married and I didn't have a clue for most of it. This is second time round, my son accidentally exposed him last summer when he came of age and found his savings account empty. Since then, my husband has committed to stopping but still nothing's easy, the damage is huge.
Addiction is progressive, unchecked, things will only get worse and the question for you is how much more to take. Always remember the three Cs: you didn't Cause it, you can't Control it and you can't Cure it. Don't heed his attempts to tell you otherwise because CGs do lie and pass responsibility for their actions on to those around them. Work on this basis, put yourself and your own interests first, rather than have your happiness and peace of mind determined by what he does or doesn't do.
To cope, you need accurate information and support for you. Try the GC helpline, also I recommend, GanAnon, I find that GamAnon is worth the travel time and babysitters.
Do protect yourself financially. Have as much as possible in your sole name, don't share PINs and passwords, don't trust him. Get credit reports from all three agencies in your name and his to see the true state of the debt.
Get real life support for you, take care.
CW
Hello Flossy
I was really sorry to read about what you're going through, and am wondering how things are now?
Your husband has made it clear that he has no interest in stopping gambling. I can imagine that's incredibly difficult to accept given the impact his gambling has had on you and your family. You've described being the only one battling this, which sounds exhausting. I can hear that that the stress and anxiety caused by this is affecting you emotionally as well as physically, and that you're unsure how much longer you can continue living the way things are.
You're not alone with this, and support can make a big difference. It's great that you've posted here so that you can get some advice and support from others who may have experienced similar difficulties. As well as this, you could talk to an adviser on the Helpline: 0808 8020 133 or Netline: http://secure.gamcare.org.uk/netline/
I would also encourage you to think about attending counselling, which would allow you a set time each week to focus on yourself and the changes you might want to make to your life. This would help you to explore and process some of the difficulties you’ve been having as a result of your husband’s gambling and behaviour, and hopefully enable you to feel less stuck in your current circumstances.
I wish you all the best.
Take care
Laura
Hi Floss
I am also really sorry to hear your hurt and anger towards your husband.
I too have lived with a CG but it has all been a big secret - so I suppose one positive is that you know the severity of his addiction and like you said, you know he has no desire to stop.
Seeing a change in someone you love is so heartbreaking and scary - and even when you confront them about it they seem to care very little. Your situation is made more difficult by the fact that you have children - but you should never let that affect the decision you want to make.
One thing I would advise you to do is to confide in someone close to you, who isn't going to judge you or encourage you to make bad decisions, but someone who will listen. If you feel thats not available, organise a session with a counsellor through this website. I am only one session in and already I have learnt that I am not the problem - he is.
You don't have to live with the pain of this - yes it may be painful trying to make your decision but you never know, your husband might gamble as a silent cry for help.
All the best, GB x x
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
