Feeling destroyed by my partners gambling

allainepo Thank you so much for your insight it must be so hard for you and please don't feel low from what I can see you are being honest with yourself, I really hope your ok. I do think like you my partner was constantly chasing reassurance he would always ask me where I was and if I loved him and even after I found out all of his lies I loved him so much I did stupidly carry on sleeping with him and being close as I needed it, but as you say the partner like me does get to the point where they don't want to be near there partner anyone as its too heart breaking and lonely. I know if he can here and wrote about himself he would say exactly the same as what you have to me, when questioned he would go bright red and very embarrassed and I could see he was depressed. That's why I wanted to help but unfortunately he wasn't ready for it and it too every bit of fight I had left so I have had to cut of now. I hope you are seeing a doctor just like I hope he has been to see one it's such a horrible illness it destroys everyone. It's so bloody easy as well even when I typed into google gambling addiction gambling sites would appear! You can't get away from it. I hope you are now and realising there is so much joy in life other than that.

ODAAT thank you I really mean that and you along with so many CG have helped me these last few days/week with coming to terms with my partners behaviour it kind of now makes me realise it wasn't me, it wasn't that I wasn't worth his love he just couldn't love me how I deserved because of this addiction. I've not really had chance to speak indepth with him about the feelings and why he gambled so an insight into this has helped. He won't speak about it to me he's obviously embarrassed and as I've said he blames me still. I've been longing to sit and get closure and just have him say ' sorry it was my fault' but I don't think I'm ever going to get that when he doesn't even think he's done anything wrong just yet. I'm starting to feel like a survivor now and you are definitely a survivor also and sound like a lovely person so I do hope you put yourself first and keep safe and well. My partner is in victim mode from what I can see. I feel so sad for people going through this as who would really choose this in life? No one would I can see that now, I'm so much better than I was I'm sleeping more and not crying as much. Still not eating too well but everything takes time. Thank you all again for your help I don't think I would be feeling like this now if it wasn't for you all. Thank you dearly.

I've had a very bad afternoon I've been to the doctors and he's put me on diazipam it's all hit me today how everything I thought was real wasn't real at all. I'm still missing my ex partner and regret my abortion. I just wish he could of choose me, I feel like I wasn't enough and can't be positive to myself today. I can see now how people try and stay strong but then it just comes over them to break as I have today. Does it ever get better? Will I ever not feel this guilt?

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Thank you allainepo thank you very much. I can't wait to feel normal again I couldn't fight it today and I've taken the tablet had a bath and I'm now lying on moms sofa reading through ways to cope with feeling like this. I do want to get myself right and I know there are so many people in the world so much worse of than me I'm very lucky in life on the scale of things. I'm just caught up in so much pain at the moment my hearts aching and I feel totally guilty for different reasons. Moving forward is the only thing I can do and the doctor said it's perfectly normal to feel this despair after what I've experienced so I have hope it will get easier. Thank you for all your support you have really been looking out for me and it means a lot. I don't think I can get any lower now so hopefully I can gain more strength. I always tell people to be positive and no one has died it's not that bad, but at the moment I can't seem to take my own advice. I'll try and hope ! I also hope your ok and keeping yourself well. I know I've only talked about myself but I'm also a good listener if you need to talk about anything also.

Not having the best day today, really missing my partner and thinking about what could of been. I feel like going in to a betting shop and smashing the place up, still can't understand why gambling is more of a buzz than loving someone.

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Thank you allainepo, I honestly said that just out of frustration, I've never been aggressive or violent in my life (in my head I have) but never to anyone or anything. It's purely anger and frustration at the gambling industry. I feel like it's taken everything from me even though I know my partner had a choice he also had it pushed in his face, every email, high street, pub it's everywhere! I'm so so sorry to hear you have had a bad day today please like me go and see your doctor I wouldn't of got through the pain and anxiety I've felt these last few months without medication. I'm normally the life and soul of any group of people but I know that feeling you have had today I didn't open my curtains or answer my front door for 2 months when I found out all of the gambling issues. The thought of talking even getting out of bed made me feel physically bad and I wanted to scream leave me alone, it honestly does pass honestly I know it dies as I've been through it. I know I'm not a gamber like you so I have no idea what you must feel, but I've had some very horrible desperate times and not wanted to be here anymore but going to the doctors has helped me a great deal. Your doing so well, life can be such a nasty horrible despicable path at times and I often wonder why me? Then I think why not me, I've been given what I have I've got to make the most of it now and move forward. I really hope your ok? Please call someone talking is the best medication you can do! Big hugs x

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It's really upsetting to hear how you are struggling I would never advise anyone to take any drugs but if your getting very bad anxiety

allainepo then ask for some short term relief such as diazipam I know it's not something to just go on without thinking about but it's stopped my heart racing and the panic I feel has eased until the anti depressants kick in. You really are a wonderful kind person and have helped me so much l, more than you realise. Having someone that knows what all this can cause to a persons life and just being kind also has helped. Give yourself more credit and you deserve happiness also. I've been reading a book today and that's helped get my kind of things. I suppose we need to feel the pain sometimes to know we need to change, I know I need to change a lot about myself. I've realised I'm so desperate to find love and not be lonely that I've over looked things that other people wouldn't tolerate. One step at a time is what I'm doing now, I have text my ex partner today I still want him to know our relationship meant the world to me even though I would never get back with him I still worry about him. What a horrible addiction it's so silent and so easy to get caught up in. please keep well and safe Hun and even though you feel like you haven't done anything today you have done a lot for me. Thank you!

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