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Thank you for that CW, that was kind of you. I had noticed that we have been in danger of agreeing with each other fairly regularly recently too, ha!

I hope things are returning to normal on the home front for you.

Hi CW, just flying by with a Hi & hoping things have found a better balance in your household of late!

Hi,

Thanks very much for the kind messages, calm again and on track for the moment for the moment. Hope all is good with you.

BW,

CW

Hi CW,

I hope you're doing well. Just a quick message to let you know I told my wife everything last week, your words of advice were part of the reason I did it now rather than later.

Not sure how things will end up with our relationship however you were absolutely right so just to say thanks for the advice.

PA

Thanks for asking after me. I'm doing really well. I feel like I've worked my way through a lot of stuff and I'm coming out the other side. I feel clearer, if that makes sense. No more denial. Thanks for your input along the way. I haven't always wanted to hear what you have to say, but I've often benefitted from it 😉

I hope things are well with you and that things have settled with your husband. Hopefully, this Christmas will be a good one for your family. LB x

Very merry Xmas to you and your family CW.
Thank you for all the advice & support you have shared...encouragement and tough love we all definitely need.

Stay well, keep safe

Hugs

S x

Thanks cw I'll take a look
And merry Christmas x

Hi cw hows things going?

Okay wow seems to be a few pot holes in the road there, have you tried shutting all this gambling stuff out and looked at it from a non gambling sense? You admit you arnt at home like you are here open and blunt maybe a distancing issue rant to strangers no harm done they dont know me.what cant you talk about to your best friend? You and your husband got married he knows everything about you pretty much but then if you tend to shy away and not talk then thats making yourself being a little dishonest in yourself for not being open when your requiring hubby to be fully open.the money thing will pass a simple mistake that wasnt thought through and maybe blown out of proportion but hey you were/money manager for him for a long time its going to be there where you might jump the gun a little.whe was the last time you both sat down and spoke no kids no house no public environment with witnesses lol sounds crazy but have you both tried just talking about stuff as 3rd party perspectives to your own relationship without outside interference like councillors phycologists ect? Maybe take it back to bare bones like when you both first got together where would you go to just talk for hours try having some alone time no kids just for you both see what needs abit more attention not to control but to release the stresses you both face.

My feincee and I, we have hit bumps in the road and our first port of call is down to the sea front in the car or go for a walk and talk to each other about each other no screaming no shouting but advise and care as friends and even talk as if its someone elses problems that relayed them to me or her, it takes away the initial confrontation so we dont take it as personal.Maybe he isnt feeling as if he is doing aswell as you in recovery but then it is his addiction that you both need to deal with as a couple no his and mine but ours.i dont see alot of ours or us in your posts mostly his or mine its not a competitive sport its a relationship and to win the race you need to be together.you seem pretty active here not saying its a bad thing but maybe focus more on being together help him get a hobby rather than maybe obsessing on the gambling.i dont know your life and I dont know your guy but just maybe focus a little more time to be together work or not you both need to talk or its just convenience.and you both need to treat yourselves/eachother from time to time its the good the bad an the ugly that makes a relationship work hun no matter what walk of life its all the same.

Thankyou cw for the post...
Hope all's good for you and yours
Loxxie

Hi CW,

How's it all going at home now? I don't come on here much now, but have noticed that I don't see you around so much when I am here. Hope all settled down and Mr CW and you have found common ground.

You're too grown up for me to put Twinks so I will honour you with a Rachel 🙂

Hi, Rachel,

Thanks for asking but actually a bit low at the moment. Am starting to realise that apart from the absence of gambling, the patterns of our behaviour haven't changed much. He still takes perverse stances and accuses me of being a control freak when what I want is what I would regard as standard or normal. This turns everything into a power struggle. He goes to meetings but no Steps and his attempts at participating in therapy have dwindled to nothing. I can see exactly what he needs to do...which is precisely my problem. And if he is to be believed, all of our relationship problems are down my inability to change and to sort out my issues.

Hope you're doing better.

Thanks again.

CW

Oh God, not really what I expected to hear. How were things before the gambling? I've no doubt he's being a swine right now, but maybe he has always been a bit of a swine and it's taken his 'outing' as an addict for you to see it? You know I've done it a different way, no GA, no Steps. I lose my rag fairly easily (but I always did). I expect excellence in others whilst fully realising that I am a very long way from perfect myself (again, no change there). I'm scarred by my gambling but not really changed by it. We're all very different creatures though CW, you know that and I wouldn't presume to offer relationship advice to anyone. What I would say is that the way you feel/are being made to feel right now isn't good enough, you deserve to feel better than you do right now. I would imagine it's no picnic for the children either as they will no doubt be picking up on the atmosphere. It sounds like something has got to give, but you know that already I suspect.

I'm doing ok thanks, my main worry is getting my head around the fact that my baby will be leaving home next year for uni, I feel bereft already. That, I expect, will be my biggest challenge as I will have a lot of spare time and money on my hands - not a good recipe for an addict but one I will face head on. Even if I were to weaken I think I have enough blocks in place to stop me being able to go back to the dark side.

Anyway, sending best wishes CW, start caring more about yourself than about him - at least you will appreciate the care eh?! He's big enough and ugly enough to look after himself, and if he's not, tough - you've got 2 kids (I think) you don't need a third.

Rachel x

How are things going CW. Is there light at the end of the tunnel?. Is life treating you ok?

Thanks for your comments CW. I know what you mean about it being progressive, and if I am honest, part of my reasoning for going was that I preferred to make it a social occasion for both of us, than think of her sitting at a machine alone, using the machine to deal with her pain. She isn't simply a friend. You compared it to alcoholism, but I am sure there are alcoholics who socialise with friends who can drink in moderation. I'm not recommending anyone else do the same, I am not wanting to repeat the evening...i do know that I want to continue my gamble free venture. Best wishes.

I'm good thanks cw just one of those weeks but I'm over 7 months without a bet now. which I'm more than pleased with thanks for all your support especially the sometimes harsh but wise words you gave me when I was struggling with the token bet I was planning. I hope life is improving for you also and have a great weekend x