Hi
Im the mum of a compulsive gambler.
Your boyfriends parents have been at breaking point when they threw their son out, its a very painful and hard thing for us parents to have to do. My son owes us thousands but its not about the money its the behaviour that goes with compulsive gambling that is unbearable for us to live with.
A cg has no conscience and no morals, they will lie, manipulate and convince you black is white and will blame you for anything and everything. They will go to great lengths to gamble and that frequently includes stealing from those closest to them.
Dont igniore that gut feeling you're gettting, and dont trust a word he says with out concrete proof, ifs hes not willing to prove what he says hes lying. When caught out he will tell you what you what you want to hear to get you off his back, and make you promises that he wont keep, maybe he means them at the time but its short lived when the addiction kicks in.
He may well blame you for his gambling but this is nothing you have said or done, he makes his own choices wether they're good or bad they're still his. It doesn't matter if you keep his bank cards or not give him money its still the same mindset and he will find some other to get the funds to gamble. You cannot make him stop gambling it all has to come from him, nothing you say or do will make any difference.
Recovery is possible but it takes a lot of hard continual work on his behalf, if and only if he wants it badly enough, but Im afraid hes very much in denial and isnt showing any signs that he wants to stop.
You need to protect yourself financially so dont let him have any access to cards, accounts etc , change passwords and pins and hide valuables. You're also going to need as much emotional support as possible, call Gamcare to start with they can offer you free counselling which I highly recommend, theres also GA and Id tell a close family or friend.
Im sure you love him but think very carefully what life will be like with a cg, read the friends and family posts on this forum to give you a better idea.
Take care
Hi Phoenix67,
Thanks so much for your post, and also for your contribution on helpful strategies to fellow forum users.
It seems like through the experiences you had with your son or, you have become very aware of particular patterns that compulsory gambler come with.
Nice of you to share all that information here, and I hope you’re also gaining from others experiences too.
Part of the survival aspect is how we support each other by sharing the positive strategies we know of.
I’m glad that our Forum is able to provide such platform for people to share and also get matters off their chest.
Thanks once again for your post, and pls. keep posting.
Kind regards,
Beatrice
Hi Beatrice
When I first came to this forum I felt scared, lonely and didn't have a clue what to do. I was over whemed by all these kind wise people who gave me so much support and it was literally like having a huge weight lifted off my shoulders
I have learned so much and I dont think with out the support of got Id of been able to make some very big desicions nor feel confident enough to know that Im doing the right thing for me and my son.Im doing ok but still have some not so good days and on those days knowing that theres always someone here to help pick me up and keep going helps enormously.
I hope that anything I can say helps the next person who feels just as I did.
Thank you
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
