I will no longer allow gambling to ruin my life….

Day 14

This post had better work but I’ll be sure to copy it before I post just in case. I’m in a better mood today. Dazza I feel your pain! 😤😂

Day 14 was actually yesterday but I was too hungover to write an essay. You see on the day that Gamcare glitched, I was actually in a taxi going to a quirky Tarot cocktail event in London. It was BRILLIANT. Cosmopolitans and a really good Tarot reading was apparently exactly what I needed. However, after that we decided to go to a club (I’m in my 40’s what was I thinking)!

anyway, 2 bottles of champagne and an entire bottle of gin later we fell through the front door in a heap and slept it off the entire day yesterday. Only stirring for copious amounts of water and a small amount of food (due to dodgy stomachs). We probably spent more than we should and could afford (a few hundred pounds) but nowhere near the excruciating amounts I would plough into online casinos.

Ive got a super busy day today with work and prob still not in the best shape but I’ll get through it. I feel really proud of the GF days I e built up so far and have no intention of ever being back to Day 1 EVER again!

Em x

Well done Em!  I feel ya with those pesky hangovers! There again sounds like you drank enough to sink a football coach lol 😂 😆 Gin though.. really? Always Vodka, Em! 

Proud of you for keeping the faith alive and remaining gamble free.  Give yourself huge credit and keep that important focus on everything so that there are no slips. 

A busy day is a good one, it's when there's time available that gamble is a risk.  The means, money and time combined is all of our biggest let downs so keeping at least one or two of them at bay will continue to help. 

Day 15

Check me out! 

Today I had some bad news about someone I care about. They confided in me that they are suffering a drug addiction which they have been hiding. I was surprised but there is no judgement. Strange feeling really as usually I am the fixer upper but I don’t have the strength to pick myself up right now, let alone anyone else. I may have come across as cold and dismissive but I really have to sort myself out and put all my focus and energy in getting myself through recovery.

Had quite a busy day with work. Tomorrow will be the end of this contract.

No thoughts about gambling today, onward to day 16 💪

Em x

Well done Em, as for your friend just being someone to talk to could have been enough for them to be honest so don't over think it. Your doing amazing well done 

Day 16

Thanks Dazza, I suppose I’m usually the go to person. Everyone thinks I have it together, how wrong they all are 😪

I think I’ve lost a day somehow, but I’ll make it up tomorrow.

im conscious I’m getting close to Day 18 which is the longest I’ve been gamble free in the last few years. My next goal is day 19 and I intend to get there this time and keep it going.

Today I finished my last contract for a while and I feel lighter. Ive got a busy weekend ahead of me with relatives coming to stay and I’m visiting other relatives. Whilst I’m glad for the distraction, I feel frustrated because I just want some time to myself. I feel like I’ve always got something to do which is a trigger because that feeling allows me to encourage and enable a treat day all for me to gamble because; well I deserve it for getting through such a busy week.

on the flip side, next weekend is payday, and I have absolutely nothing planned which is also probably a trigger.

i suppose what I’m trying to say is it still feels like I can’t win. If I’m too busy, then I’m stressed and triggered to gamble and if I have no plans then that’s also a trigger and open invitation to gamble also.

Ive been reading lots of gambling related material and watching documentary after documentary. Much of it says that 90 days is the sweet spot. The urges/ cravings apparently greatly reduce around this time so I’m fighting to get there. I also watch my video daily still. I really need to make another one.

Onwards to Day 17 (and cleaning my house which is in a right state).

Em x

Hey Em

Go girl!! You are doing bloody brilliant, you should be proud of yourself 

Well done for getting past trigger Friday

You're doing so well

Keep smiling hun

Xx

Day 17

Well the house is spotless ✔️

I have to say, I feel so much better walking around the house now. I think a cluttered house equals a cluttered mind and even though my brain still feels cloudy, the gambling ‘fog’ is definitely starting to lift. 

Not much else to report. I spent a ridiculous amount of time soaking in a hot bath and washed my hair. Feel slightly rejuvenated and looking at myself in the mirror afterwards made me realise I really need to give some time to my appearance. I used to get my eyebrows done, that’s ‘eyebrows’ plural…. Now I appear to have just one long mono brow!😳

All in good time… Onwards to day 18 which this time, I vow to get past! 

Em x

@traceyj Thank you lovely! 

I hope you’re doing ok?

I'm doing really well thanks Em, like you don't think about gambling too much now, but still get the odd pang about having one go, but luckily all of my options are no longer there so can't if I wanted too....which is a godsend 

Have a fab weekend xx

Ha ha Eyebrow Mono 🤣 🤣 😜 We figured out what to do with your first "Treat" for not gambling! I always love that Pink Lady says in her posts it's important every once win a while to treat yourself and en hi oh something for you.  Your doing absolutely amazing Em I'm so proud of your focus and attitude.  I know in one of your posts you mentioned the last few months you even gave your hygiene a bad time, so love to hear your doing things like just enjoying a hot bath 🛁 😁 

Let's get through this weekend together Em! Give yourself some credit for where you are today! 

Hey Em

How ya doing?  I'm having a rare day off so thought I'd pop on to see you're ok

Xx

Hi Emma u are doing amazing remember it fine to be vulnerable this is the time u need to occupy your time to minimize the risk start looking into stuff your interested what worked for me in my early days is trying new things out even though i wasent enjoying half the stuff it took me 6 weeks before the major urges settled and their were days where i felt miserable my brain was trying to justfy gambling i went out watched movies doing other activites however my brain was still focused on gambling as i manged to abstain from gambling previously i knew it would take time before i felt normal again it going to feel tough and even make u doubt yourself as i felt like i was wasting time and i was missing something these urgues are awful and the only way to get past them is with time these are only temporary they only last few weeks to fee months but they do faze out eventually keep pushing forward u have got this👍

C'mon Em we are all waiting to hear from you.  We hope your doing okay ? I've got everything crossed that your in a good place ! If not, please make sure you reach out still always. 

Day 18

Wow, thank you all for your messages and sorry if I scared anyone (Dazza, I’m looking at you 👀 🤣).

Ive had such a crazy weekend that I haven’t had a chance to journal but I’ve just had a moment to breathe so I’m going to give a brief day by day update.

Day 18 I caught up on admin and my partner and I did a little shopping. I had £40 cash on me. I bought us both some paint by numbers sets to do. As I paid for them, I felt happy but also like “how pathetic is this”. I think deep down, I’m excited to try them but reckon I’ll be bored within 5 mins 😬

Day 18 has been the longest period I can remember going GF, so I felt nervous but determined to just get through 1 more day, to beat my recent record!

Em x

Day 19

I received a phone call in the morning explaining my Nana has an ambulance on its way to her as she is very poorly. My partner and I agreed to travel the 2.5 hrs distance to get to her (and my grandad to help him) and to spend the weekend there. 
However, I don’t know what was going on with the motorway but my 2.5 hr journey in fact took me 5.5 hrs. Why don’t the government/ local authorities just leave the bloody roads alone!!!

I was hot, bothered and irritated but I made it. By the time I got to my relatives, I was so busy with drs, carers etc, that I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. Considering we were now going into Friday evening (my most triggering day), it was a needed distraction. However, it shouldn’t take a loved one being sick to get me out.

And finally…. I beat my record 😍