Gambling son

Hi Justadad

I have a 25 year old son who has been a compulsive gambler since he was 19. We have gone through, doctors, counselling, threats of suicide, falling off the grid for days, stealing from us, entire paycheques blown, credit cards maxed. It does unfortunately progress. While threats of suicide do need to be taken seriously (I took mine to urgent care when he threatened) you are unfortunately quite helpless until THEY decide they are sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know as a parent this just feels so wrong as they are our child and we were meant to help but only they hold the key to their recovery. When I finally stopped engaging in the chaos and detached (with love) things actually started improving! He actually started attending GA and although has had 2 relapses is definitely trying to recover - which if you asked me a year ago I would never have thought possible. There is always hope! As selfish as it sounds take care of yourself first so your entire family doesn't go down with the ship!

Hi Justadad,

Welcome to the forum, and well done for your post.

You seem to be struggling with the impact of your son’s gambling problem, and the series of help he’s had in the past hasn’t changed his situation.

Unfortunately, gambling problem is progressive, and it can easily get out of control, unless of course you’re able to do something effective about it. This seems to be what your son is experiencing at the moment, a very anxious and frustrating situation for him especially when he’s having suicide thoughts.

Even though the help he had in the past hasn’t been effective for him, it’s still advisable to keep trying other options as you never know what might work for him. Also, everybody is different, and different things work differently for people.

In case your son is still willing to seek help for his problematic gambling, I’ll advise you to encourage him to contact us directly for further help. Since counselling hasn’t worked for him (supposing that he attended all his sessions), he might be eligible for a residential treatment too. We also need to know the type of gambling he does so we can advise him accordingly.

For you, we can also offer you 12 sessions of free counselling if you think that would help you to cope in a way with your son’s gambling problem.

Maybe you’ll like to contact us via our free phone Helpline on: 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our advisers about further help and support. We’re open everyday from 8.00am to midnight.

Thanks again for your post, and pls. keep posting.

Best wishes,

Beatrice

Evening justadad

I am myself a recovering compulsive gambler, for twenty years my addiction was progressive and in truth nobody could stop my relentless pursuit of a punt.

Gambling broke me, beat me up, in recovery I can see the only person who could stop it was me.

GA saved my life, I walked through the door and the group of like minded folk showed me that there was a different way.

My advice is simple, take your son's ADDICTION very seriously, it is far greater than a problem, problems can be fixed, we cannot, we can however arrest the next punt, we will never be cured or fixed.

I hope your son finds the courage to find recovery, only he can.

As for you, tough love is in my mind the best way to approach this, don't bail him out financially, it will lead him to think that is a solution.

I was bailed out many times and just let folk down.

Be honest with your son, as a father of three myself I know what unconditional love is.

I am 400plus days gamble free, but know that every day I face a choice.

Because I am an ADDICT, happily a recovering one.

I wish you well, I feel your pain.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Some of the people i most admire are my gamanon friends who are parents, the option to renounce your love and walk away just isnt there, they have all found heroic strength in my eyes.

Come to a gamanon meeting if you can, talking therapies are very effective for us supporters, you can detatch from the gambler without detatching from the person, you can get back a life where you dont worry every day, you can tweak your parenting skills and love so you can help your child help themselves, above all at these crisis points, keep talking. You are hero material too.