Help? Should I marry him? How can I fix this?

Hi Amy,

I really hope you and your baby are well and doing ok. I've recently split from my partner who was a compulsive gambler but also like you a compulsive liar, he's done everything from stealing my bank card to pawning my belongings. I've tried to help and recently had an abortion after I found out he was on a swingers s*x site it completely broke my world in two. A lot has happened, I've always provided for us, gave him a loving home and provided clothes, money and days out to try and make him happy but nothing worked as he didn't think he was doing anything wrong. He actually has blamed me. I've had to cut of as I'm totally drained/depressed and need to look after myself now and my teenage son. You honestly have to cut off darling he sounds very cruel and selfish and I know it feels hard and lonely being away from him but at least you will not have to put your life on hold for him. Trust me I promise it gets better each day I'm feeling better and like I'm worth a happy life and it's been hard I don't eat sleep or smile but I'm feeling a bit closer to that each day. Please speak to family and friends or people on here if you need a friend I'm here and so is everyone else on here. Go and see your doctor, sign up for mother and baby groups and local support groups and get yourself better and feel important again. Hugs and love from me and remember you only live once don't let anyone else destroy you that's what I keep thinking.

Thank you heartbroken81 for your kind words.

Update - I had no contact with him for a couple of weeks until this weekend when he saw our little one while she was with my exes mum. After I found this out I phoned him (I don't know why) and we met up. He explained how much he had messed up and that the gambling got the better of him and that he would give anything to have us back. I asked if he had been seeing his ex and he swore blind he hadn't. He then wanted to go to the casino so I dropped him off and left.

That evening he sent me messages asking me to move back to the family home etc but I wasn't satisfied that he hadn't been with anyone while we had been apart so I got in touch with his ex. We actually met up. He had been saying all the same things to her AND sleeping with her for the last 2 weeks! He was telling her he wants to be a family with her and her daughter? Also she told me that he quit his job almost 2 weeks ago and he's taken out a £16K loan?!

I met with him later that night to give him chance to explain and he said he hasn't been thinking straight and that he wants me and not her? Also he's spending a lot of time traveling the country to play fruit machines and that's why he doesn't need a job now apparently?

Can someone please talk some sense into me? He says he won't stop gambling it's a part of him but he wants me back and he wants me to trust him?! It's making me very ill and I'm now in a size 6 clothing from a size 10 just 2/3 months ago! I've been to the doctors twice and luckily they won't give me any anxiety tablets or antidepressants as they think me feeling so low is a result of the situation and not a matter of having depression - Theyve booked me in for a 3rd follow up appointment in another fortnight to see how I feel then - I guess that's a good doctor?

It's nice to hear from people who have been through similar and who can give me their advice / knowledge from experience?

Thanks for reading everyone xx

Hi amy
I don't usually cross the forum as I'm from the other side.
But having read your story I thought I would break silence
Because I wanted to ask you
Why?
Why are you letting someone walk all over you like that?
He's obviously living in fantasy land popping between you and his ex. When ever he feels like
Amy you and your daughter don't deserved to be treated like that
He's obviously got no morals kicking you and the girl out to sleep at a mates..
Telling you to go away when he was having the other girl round
Now he's taking a 16 grand loan out to fund his Dan bilzarian lifestyle. Which I assume will be gone by Christmas IF he's lucky
You need to look after yourself
And daughter because he's not going to.
None of this is your fault so don't carry it round like it's a burden.

I hope you do the right thing and ditch him and don't look back
All the best

Addiction comes in many forms. Drugs, alcohol, gambling, s*x, eating, shopping etc. It also comes in the form of attaching ourselves to certain types of people. Why do you feel so unworthy of being treated with any kind of respect, kindness or even dignity.

His abuse of you disgusts me. But you seem willing to justify it....why?
Treat yourself with some respect & please leave this piece of s h it in the gutter where he belongs

Amy

At the moment I think you are fighting a losing battle and at the same tme I feel sorry for him getting involved with this awful addiction and I really hope he eventually recovers. Another nice little family being torn apart by this - breaks my heart. However, the fact that he was pleading with you to come back and at the same time spouting lies and then had the nerve to ask you to drop him at the casino - I am afraid he his really manipulating and playing on your good and loving nature. He knows there is a problem but if he is in that messed-up frame of mind where he thinks he can make a living out of gambling you are probably out of your depth to try and help him now, and goodness knows you have tried really hard to help. Your priority now is your baby and your health so you must try and be strong and keep him away because you really do not want to be involved with his £16000 debt and I hope you and his family will refuse to help bail him out with that when he can t do repayments. I feel he may be seeing you all as a soft touch at the moment and he is taking advantage. Amy, he will hit rock bottom when that money runs out and he is jobless and homeless and that is probably the time he may seriously start to think about getting help but until then my advice would be to cut ties and get your own life back on track and build your strength back up - you will need it to look after the baby. I am sorry to sound hard but a lot of tough love is needed when dealing with this and lay down yur tems to him and stick to them. Try not to deal with it on your own - stay on here talking to people and ring the counsellors - get support from other family members or friends or doctor.

Take care.