My younger brother has had problems with gambling in the past. I helped him get out of debt in the past by using a 0% balance transfer to him which he kept up the repayments to me over 12 months. We all thought he had stopped but now 18 months later he has come back to me saying he has run up more debts with payday lenders and there crazy interest rates I am reluctent to help again but I think paying this amount of interest is crazy and is probably causing a snowball effect. He seems to really want to quit and sort out his finances and is researching gambling addiction help. I have paid his rent for him this month but I'm unsure what the best way to help him is. As a family we have had problems over the years our mum was an alchoholic and had mental issues and my brother bore the brunt of this as the only one living with her towards the end. He has had counselling for depression in the past and I have also struggled with alchohol and depression. He doesn't want me to tell anyone about it as our dad has had to put up with a lot over the years and I think he feels too ashamed to tell my older brother who is settled down with a wife and his own business.
J
I am the parent of a gambler and I really feel for you and your brother. You are both embroiled in a the vicious cirlce of unhappy family circumstances. I expect your brother would like nothing better than a quiet normal life but gambling is not going to help him achieve that. It is a quick fix of escapism and the aftermath is disastrous. I know you will feel this sounds hard and it will be difficult for you to say No to your brother but it has come to the point where you have to say enough is enough and stop bailing him out. He sounds as though he wants to stop which is half the battle. I would suggest you rin Gamcare and get as much advice as poss on getting him help and also information on how your brother can sort his debts. If you read posts on here it is possible to turn a life around if he is willing to put the effort in. He will need support but tell him what I have told you and make it firm that you will help him but no more bailing out. I think between you it is possible to nip this in the bud before the payday loans get way out of control. We have had to do all this and it seems to have worked. You have both been through a lot and perhaps now is the time to pull together and both make your lives a lot happier. Also if he drinks that is the worst thing to fuel the gambling so try and persuade him to cut down. Try and get him to come on here or ring Gamcare himself or try GA or even his GP. Loads of help out there.
Good luck with it all.
Hi jamin such a shame to see addiction running through your family. As gamparent says you can't continue giving money. Unfortunately if you pay they play. It's difficult as I agree with you about interest rates. The best help is to monitor his bank account/s there may be more than one. Not telling is also a cause for concern. Sometimes it's because they have borrowed from family members or friends. Secrets allow the gambler to continue. Finding a GA meeting is a way forward or gamcare counselling. You too can ask for help and advice. Unfortunately this never goes away, as you can see from around the forum cgs struggle to resist the urges. Addiction can only be arrested. He needs to be accountable. Self exclude and download software blocks on gadgets. There is a phone number to self exclude nationally for bookmakers. He can do all this. Stepchange is a debt charity. Debt camel is useful website. You can help him figure out his finances and budget, but advice is not to bail him out. Ask lots of questions on here. Good luck!
Hi
If he's ready to quit and sort his finances out he should be handing them over to someone he trusts (you?) as a first step. It would be a good idea for him to contact debt advice charities such as Payplan (Mr L used these) or Stepchange. Payday lenders can be required to refund loans under certain circumstances so he should investigate this as well. Bailing a CG out rarely ends well. We've probably all been there and had it thown back in our faces so you need to make him aware you won't be helping him financially from now on. Helping him connect action and consequence is the kindest thing you can do for him in the long run.
Keeping a CG's secrets rarely ends well. They are ultra manipulative and telling your father and other brother protects them from falling for a sob story.
thanks for your support and advice. He is going to tell my brother and he has got in touch with a gambling charity he seems to be positive for change which is good
I think paying this amount of interest is crazy
Yes the interest rates from the payday loan companies are a real rip-off. I do not think that they should be allowed to charge so much. There are cheaper loans, eg from credit unions. You may need some advice about dealing with debt as well as advice about gambling addiction. I have a friend with a gambling addiction and it is very hard for me to understand why he does it. Sometimes weeks or months will go by without problems and then he again loses much more than he can afford.
There is some good advice from various people on this forum. One of the most important pieces of advice is probably that the addict must let someone else take control of financial matters. Unfortunately some addicts can be very devious; I had the bank card of my friend but then he went to bank, said that he had lost his card and then he was able to get money out.
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