Helping/not helping

Hi, has she self excluded on gamstop for 5 years? This will stop her being able to gamble online.

secondly, is there any hobbies she could start doing to take her mind off gambling? Going for walks etc.

These are just starting points, it is her that needs to have the will to stop. If handing over her finances to you helps then do that, and just giver her money for things when she needs it,(bills etc).

hope these tips are helpful and good luck .

Hello hooved,

Thank you for sharing your experience and reaching out to the GamCare Forum,

Well done for reaching out for some peer support and being understanding of your partners difficulties with gambling. You seem to describe that your partners gambling is something that they no longer wish to do. Alongside the excellent post from a member of the community above you could call us and speak to an Advisor on the GamCare Helpline on 0808 8020 133 (or live chat) for some free and confidential support for yourself. It can be beneficial to externalise some of your concerns to someone who understands the complexities of gambling harms and can support you through this.

For your partner when they are ready to take their first steps in reaching out for help for themselves they are more than welcome to call the GamCare Helpline (or live chat) to start receiving tailored support and create a plan of strategies to help them to stop gambling or reduced the harms associated. During their conversation they are likely to also be offered (if living in the UK) a referral for 1-2-1 support if they wish. I also think it is a good idea that you’ve suggested that your partner use our Forum. It can be a really supportive space for your partner to access alongside other forms of support.

You describe that your partner is struggling with their urges. As the poster above indicated activities and hobbies that they can do alone may alleviate where time is available during the week. You may also wish to benefit from pre-planning some enjoyable activities that you can do together during the week.

We do appreciate that you have shared your story, please do continue to share this with us on the Forum.

Best Wishes

Louise, Forum Admin

Posted by: @6djul91sng

My wife has a gambling problem. She's not at the stage of gambling all our money away and leaving bills etc unpaid however a few times she has left us short at the end of the month. We have tried to work together by her blocking herself and me allowing her to use my accounts where I assumed I had control of the amounts going in but of course, as a gambler she found a way past this. I fear I have not helped her at all. I love her so much I let my heart rule my mind so I'm fully to blame for not being tough enough and I've let her down. She has finally cracked and cried in my arms for some time last night. No words were passed between us I just held her.

I try to understand but it's quite difficult. I've suggested this forum but I'm not pushing her to set up an account. I believe her this time that she really wants to stop. I wonder if anyone can suggest things to do that she can take her mind as far away from the urge to gamble as possible. TIA

 

She very fortunate to have an understanding husband the question is does she want to stop or stop lossing she needs to be honest with you even get her a dairy how she feeling day to day take her out, i dont have anyone understanding which has made it harder for me as life stressful as it is and we live in a selfish world its all about me me me, having said this i still blame myself for my last relapse and i have self excluded from all gambling venue i have manage to break free from gambling for two years and i believe i could do it, if i had a supporting family i may have been able to break the ice sooner, i found the support on my own accord and i knew i had a problem last 10 years which i did improve however i should have put the gambling blocks alot sooner as i believed i wouldnt get to this stage, if u can get her on here to read some of the stories it might get her thinking she might be at the denial stage as early days your in denial

@km94 Thanks for your response, yes she has self exluded on gamstop but idiotically I thought I could control the gambling rather than stop it all together by having the accounts in my name and only allowing a set amount per month. I'm quite a soft person so allowed this to continue. She fell off the wagon a few times but I forgave her, band it for a little but gave in. I Love her so much and thought I was helping. I've now self excluded too so hopefully this is the way forward.

@forum-admin Thanks Louise glad there is support for us both

@tazman She has hit rock bottom. She cried in my arms uncontrolably the other night, I then made the decision to self excluded myself

@6djul91sng that’s a good step in the right direction! With this illness it has to be stopped completely. When you think you have it under control is when you are at your most vulnerable. You sound like you have a good heart but make sure you don’t give in to funding the habit, all the best.

@km94 Thank you

@6djul91sng i actually did the same with my family i got bailed out even given money to pay debts only to lose it all, i had no control and my family had no understanding it took me while to understand i have a problem in which case i seeked help on my own accord my ex had no understanding either as i borrowed money and gambled it away this ilness is life long with right measures in place it can be contained but never beaten the fortunate one dont relapse majoirty do its very common, has long as your partner honest with you it can work their number of reason why she gambling she needs to seek professional help 

@km94 hi mate it only day 2 and am actually feeling alot better, i had other bad habits and i quit without much problem gambling been the worst of them all, even though u know the end result u get sucked into it and everytime i have had a relapse i have ended up worse then i have started this is my fifth relapse in 5 years