Helping someone with an addiction

Leannem
You've came to the right place.
The people on here can help your partner in every way.
Advice,help and friendship is here in abundance.

Tell your partner he is a very lucky person to have someone who obviously cares so much about them that they them selves took the steps to come on here asking for help.

Regards
Jeff

Thank you Jeff, i totally agree he should count himself lucky. I just feel like I'm hitting a brick wall and as much as I am acting like it's all ok the reality is, it isn't ok.

First off your not stupid, you havent done anything wrong, you've been a loving compassionate girlfriend, so no beating yourself up about how the past could have been handled differently. Whether he gets homself to a GA meetiong or not, you would be welcomed at agamanon meeting, you can also get counselling, not because theres anything wrong with you, but so you dont feel alone and so you can share some information on how to handle living with an addict. I cant say how he's going to progress over the next few months, but you can get your self esteem back and be reassured when saying no is the right thing to do, start to see the lies and the agry outbursts for what they are and above all get some stuff of your chest with people who arent judging you, theres nothing you can say in a gamanon meeting that will shock us.

But being really honest and practical, stop paying his debts now, you need to be able to care for yourself and your baby, the addict in him will put his gambling before even the most essential items, so secure the money you need for the baby and look after yourself.

Thank you so much for your replies.i definitely agree about me getting help and how to live with someone who has gambling issues. Luckily it's not to bad as other stories I heard but reading some of the stories it only gets worse, her however I am not defending him at all and he needs to know how bad his gambling is and what he needs to do to fix it. He will gamble his wages every few months but not every month and his bills are luckily always paid first. I definitely need to secure my money for me and the baby because obviously he doesn't put us first. I love him so much but don't want to see him waste his life away and his money. I know having control of his money at the minute is not the greatest of ideas and is only temorary but it's a start I hope.

I think having control of the money is actually a ******* brilliant idea. Works for us and I dont see that situation changing. He does have money, he chooses to have it daily as a weekly amount feels like a big resposnibility, we can afford for him to go off the rails with that money, its up to him to manage his recovery and keep himself on track. But all the real responsibility is mine and he is chuffed to bits that we have sky sports back on now, that we can afford to go away for a couple of days for valentines, he feels better about himself now his hair is cut and beard trimmed, previously he would have gambled even the twenty quid he had to do that.

I love him, I trust him with my life, I trust him with our children's lives, but not the bank cards.

Its not a prescription for anyone elses life, its just an example, but it works for us at the moment.

I have his card for the moment and his passport so he can't get a loan out. When I pay for us to do things he's happy and yes I can relate to the not looking after his apperance.

As of next month is weekly allowance will be £50 and if he spends it then he will need to take packed lunch to work!

I don't think he will gamble it because he tends to do £100's at a time. However I know he will go out and spend more than £10 a day because he can control his money. I'm only do it because he can afford £50 mon-fri.

How long have you had control of his finances and he's asked for his card back?

Ok so now Ive told him that I want to tell his family because I just broke down, he's now shouted at me and told me why am I stressed!

I don't think he's ready to get help really he says one thing but his actions are different

I've held all the financial reins for some months now, we wish we'd done it sooner. He did ask for his card back once, well he didnt ask, he'd lost his temper so it was easy to tell him where to go. But since going to GA he gets a grip on his temper very quickly now, so it didnt go on. It's working ok for us.

How you getting on?

Ah ok well I had his card before and like you he lost his temper so I gave it back to him.

He is going to a GA session tomorrow, and I said I'll wait outside to support him. I made him call them yesterday and he said he felt better for calling them.

Well seeing as saying "no" helped for you I have to be as strong as you was.

Fingers crossed.

He's still adimant that he don't want his family to know. So the strain is on me abit

I think I have the two people he is quite separate in my mind. I love him, but I am detached from the gambler now, when the gambler is having tantrums I can ignore it, it's not him, it's not making any sense, the gambler doesn't care about us so I just don't listen. I don't see much of the gambler these days, and my husband does get quick control of that side of himself now.

That's not to say I am always strong and calm, I have lost my rag and yelled at him, I have crumpled up and cried, but I do find it easier as time goes on. And I do still have the bank cards.

And yes, the pressure is all on you, he can't see that right now, but there's plenty of us who can see it, and you're doing great. Give it time and keep talking.

Do they have a gamanon meeting in the same place? Some do, I wish they all did, gamanon have been great for me.

Yes I feel I shout back too. But it's getting better and I need to learn to detach from him when he acts like that.

What is a gamanon meeting?

I am current waiting outside for him. Its not a nice building has loads of drunk and drug people here. But it's what I have to do. He had a face on him like a slapped a**e and didn't want to go in. I wanted to say to him "ok let's council" but I'm glad I didnt

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