Hi my name is Alex.Few months ago I found out that my husband is gambling ;( that was most shocking news.Story start from a money problems.One day my husband come back home completely drunk he don't drink at all saying that he had night out with a friends and had a bit of relax.Not long after he said that he lost a 1000 pounds wage money for his workers.I though that may happen to everyone thene he said we is short of money because he had big business bill to pay.I decided to help him and not take any money from him to help out.But one day whene I ask for a money he said he don't have it and tell me another reason.. I got angry because I had to pay the bills and empty fridge and then he didn't have a choice and he told me the truth.We have a 2 wonderful girls together and.that was only the reason why I decided to help him.we have about 13 000 debts every one new about that but no one said.I decided tp give my family a chance but I need someone to talk to how to leave??
Hi, Alex,
Sorry to hear what's happening to you. It is a big shock and the starting point is to get help for you. GamCare offer counselling, or GamAnon or your GP. I recommend telling someone you trust, secrecy is an added burden which doesn't help.
You need to look after yourself and your kids, you can't rely on him. Has he said that he wants to stop? If so, do his actions match his words?
Be very clear that it's not you; you don't make him gamble and you can't make him stop. It's down to him. If he's serious about stopping, then you would expect to see him also getting help from GA meetings and or counselling, plus he should set up barriers to future gambling. This includes handing over full financial control to you, installing blocking software on laptop and desk tops, downgrading his mobile to a non Internet version, downgrading his Visa card which can be used for deposits to a cash card that can't. If you don't see these measures in full, then it may be that he doesn't want to stop. Beware of lip service and half measures, CGs who genuinely want recovery will do what it takes.
Otherwise, it becomes hard choices about what you tolerate. You can't stop him gambling but you don't have to pay for it.
Take care of you.
CW
Hi Maestro,
There is no easy way to live with a gambler. It is after all an addiction and your partner will lie and manipulate you any way they can, even to the lowest of lows. He needs to accept councilling and give all financial reins to you. If he's not willing then you may have to think about saving yourself and your children. I really wish I had walked away sooner as me and the children seem to be suffering a whole lot worse than before. Maybe he needs a wake up call to show him you won't stick around and tolerate it.
Seek a counsellor for yourself as it will get lots off your chest and help you make sense of your brain and mixed emotions. If you need to talk we are all here too and know exactly how you feel. You are not alone 🙂
Gem x
Thank you for replying.We find out end of may and since this time he don't have access to his or my money I for full responsibility.He's saying that he's not gambling since that as he don't have any access to money but I'm still scare to believe him.we both having counselling sessions and they said we are doing Wright things,but my husband is saying it that he's trying to make everything work but I got a Full control at his life.I know I need to check him but how to show him that one day he will thank you for that? So he feels that I said I will help but just don't give him any space?!
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