I wrote on here before about my sons problem gambling and wanted to know how I could help him. All I kept hearing was 'you can't, he has to help himself' I didn't want to believe that so I lent him every penny I had, borrowed money to lend him, told him I believed he could beat this problem and so on. Now just a few months later he is in debt of at least 22 thousand pounds my marriage has suffered and I think I'm suffering with depression. He won't face this problem or even admit to having a problem properly. It's like I've been drawn into a tornado that is spiralling out of control and without end. He was 21 a few days ago and I couldn't celebrate or be happy for him. I know now that the advice I was given was right, he had to face up to this himself and by lending him money I have only prolonged the inevitable and in fact made it worse. I feel so helpless, in such despair for him but also so angry with him. He is throwing away a bright future and promising career. I can't get through to him anymore. It's all such a mess. I was supposed to be moving away, leaving him in our home and now I feel that I can't. Gambling has trapped me too. My future and prospects are being effected and there's nothing I can do. It all seems totally hopeless.
Your first Q was in your title. ! If you keep giving, Your son will carry on taking, So at this stage it's up to you. CALL STOP NOW ! Not tomorrow, Not next week NOW. I can only imagine how many 2nd chances you have given him and now its affecting you Big Time.
Grit your teeth and tell him to leave as you have enabled him for too long. I know this is harsh but it seems the only door open to you to preserve your own life and your sanity. Sorry to sound so harsh but what options have you left ? Lose your health ? Take out a loan for him (To Gamble) ? Lose your home ? Time for some drastic hard choices I think !
Hi Hope.
The answer is that it will continue to destroy as long as you let it. Not only will it destroy your son, but yourself too. I too have heard it a million times that only the CG can put things right and I am just about getting there with accepting that. As long as you continue to be a safety net, your son will continue down his path of self-destruction. I know this is hard. Believe me, I know. Right now as my husband is getting himself into all kinds of problems with payday loans and can't afford a loaf of bread or some milk, I am having to stand by and watch it happen. I have been told that they have to hit rock bottom before they can start an upward journey. Here's hoping. Look after yourself. Start to put yourself first x
Hi Hope1,
Welcome to the forum again. I’d like to commend you for your bravery and honesty.
First of all, you were honest about not heeding to the advice you were given earlier on in the forum that you should stop feeding your son’s gambling habit.
You were also brave in admitting to the fact that your son’s gambling addiction has worsened because you did not encourage him to take responsibility for his actions, and that it’s now impacting on various part of your life more than before (not being able to go away as originally planned).
It must be really difficult for you to observe your son saddled with huge debts and not seeming to have a way out of it. I can also understand why you thought otherwise, and kept bailing him out with your money. The reality of such situation is that, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind; that is to allow him to face up to the fact that he has no money left due to his gambling, and that he must seek professional help to be able to overcome his gambling addiction
It’s good you have come to the realisation that leaving your home to your son to look after would not be a wise decision to make since you are now more aware of his gambling problems.
As you can see, there’s a lot of encouragement, support and advice for you from Forum members.
Perhaps you’d like to encourage your son to contact us so we can offer him the professional help and support he needs to overcome his gambling addiction.
Maybe both of you would like to contact our Helpline on 0808 8020 133, and speak to one of our specially trained advisers for a more detailed and 1 to 1 chat.
We’re open everyday from 8.00am to 12.00midnight.
Thanks again for contacting and posting in our forum, and please keep posting as often as you can.
Regards,
Beatrice.
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