On Wednesday morning I was dreaming of beginning the journey of saving for a deposit and getting a mortgage. By Wednesday night my husband sat me down and told me he had been gambling again and had £6500 debt.
we have been here before about 10 or 11 years ago with pay day loans and debt. I ended up with bad credit as well which I have worked my way out of.
 I thought he had not gambled in 3 years this time and when he told me on Wednesday night I felt like my world just fell apart a bit. It’s like I’ve been grieving the last 2 days which sounds extreme bug that’s what it feels like.
my husband was like a broken man on Wednesday night I seen him cry for the second time in 18 years and tell me that he was so stressed that I would leave with the kids that he has just kept this debt from me for nearly a year.
it ales me sick to think of the secret and the trust being broken and him just keeping this to himself and actually what that must have been doing to him inside as well.
i work in addictions supporting families affected by someone else’s drug or alcohol use and I have really struggled at work the last 2 days I have lost count of the amount of times I have cried.
i am here for my husband and will be with him while he works through this he hasn’t gambled since January but it just feels so raw just now for me but also for him.
i get so angry at how available such harmful gambling is to people and just feel so frustrated but most of all the word I can use to describe how I feel is fragile. I don’t like aways having to be the strong one and the one who helps and fixes and deals with everything. Just once I would love for someone to do that for me.
Today it feels like this awful addiction is never ending this has been part of my life for over 12 years on and off. Each lapse feels a little worse but this time I just feel a bit broken.
Part of the cycle of addiction is relapse and I know that he has went back to action and doing what works for him. I feel a bit scared to hope but also feel that without hope I don’t have anything.
We have a great relationship and 2 kids but this awful hidden addiction rears it’s head to remind me that it’s there and I wonder if it’ll ever feel that it has gone awayÂ
Hello ghxx,
Thanks for sharing your story here on the GamCare forum. You describe the range of feelings you have experienced since discovering the harsh disappointment of your husband's gambling. I am sure that your descriptions will resonate with our forum members.
You mention that in your professional life you support the families affected by addiction, and you are strong in that role. At the same time, sometimes you would like support for yourself, as you can feel fragile too. You might be aware that GamCare offers free 1-2-1 confidential support sessions. If you would like us to facilitate a referral for you, or if you would just like to talk, please call us on 0808 8020 133.
Take care,
Adam.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It makes me feel a little less lonely. A lot of what you've said I can relate to. My husband came clean 4 days ago or should I say he was caught out in the worst possible way.
The anxiety and dread I've felt the last 4 days has been unimaginable. How has been he living with this stress and anxiety the past few years in secret? How could I not know?So many questions that I'll probably never have answers too.
Today I'm feeling drained mentally and physically. The feeling of normal seems like such a distant thought.Â
Thank you bumblebee it’s such a strange position to be in.  Feeling less alone definitely helps have you got any family or friends that you have told? I’ve learned over the years to share with people I feel I can trust not to judge. This time round I’ve been so surprised at how understanding people are. I’ve never told my sister for fear of her wondering why I don’t leave him. She actually went on a rant about how gambling is too an available and how bad she felt for him so that was a pleasant surprise.  The understanding hasn’t made me feel much better but then I don’t feel so alone and know that people are looking out for me and checking in.
I work in addictions and it’s really hitting me hard this time I’m off for a few planned days off and dreading going back to work.
I feel like I can’t be surrounded by addiction at work while dealing with this in my personal life. There have been so many times I have found myself in this position learning about a relapse but this time just feels worse.
i think it’s because I truly believed he was doing amazing.
I hope you manage to get your mortgage sorted out asap. Have you thought about him making a complaint to the bank or however he was gambling? I know a complaint while things are up in the air might feel too much but maybe get some advice from the mortgage advisor or the financial ombudsman.Â
my husband is going to make a complaint asking for the interest and charge ms to be removed. He didn’t use his bank account for normal day to day activity only transactions to PayPal to gamble and these were numerous in a day he had the gambling sites blocked on his banking app and still they loaned him money repeatedly!Â
sorry for my rant at the end it just really gets to me x
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