I have been with my partner for nearly 2 years. I knew nothing of sports betting before knowing him, then this became unfortunately quite a recurrent topic. We discussed this several times and been throught all the denials, the 'sorry', the 'i need to stop this' and so on. I always tried to be understanding and supportive. A couple of months ago, after yet another "i am in debt" talk, he subscribed to gamban (or something like that, not sure of the spelling). I was happy he was owning up and doing something to solve the issue. Now... recently i have had a feeling he has started again. Multiple times he says he needs to go to the supermarket or here or there, but i have a feeling he is been going to the place down the road to bet. I have no evidence, just gut feeling and knowing his body language. I just feel so tired. I cant even bring myself to discuss this again with him. I love this man and i know he loves me. I know he feels bad about it. But i also feel awful and the thought of him not being open about it, and i feel myself drifting away from him.
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Sorry for the ramble. I just needed to get it out and there's no one I can talk to about this
Welcome to the forum and well done on seeking advice here. I cant offer advice as the partner, as i was the gambler in my previous marriage. I can say though that this seems like a vicious cycle from what you've said. If you've been together 2 years and had several chats already, even after apologies and promises, then it certainly sounds like there is no real desire to quit for good.
I cant say if your partner is gambling, but to me it sounds like they could be, and if not now, may do in future. I think you have to lay it all on the line. If you are happy to stay with them and help them through this, I would want full transparency. Get them to show you their bank accounts and credit file. I'll warn you though, when i did this with my ex it was a shock to me, so I can only guess what it was for her. The desire to quit has to come from them, and if it's not there the gambling will continue. This is an illness and it can be beaten but it takes effort and work on both sides. You want to trust them but unfortunately its hard to trust a gambler. The only way is to earn trust and that's by being fully transparent with money.
I hope you find the right path forward.Â
Trust your instincts, OP - if they say something needs checking out, then check it out.Â
Like the poster above says, transparency with money is the starting bar. As is wanting to quit (which, as I found to my cost, takes more than just saying you’re ready to quit - addicts are great at lying unfortunately).
It sounds like you know he’s lying to you. If you have joint finances, it’s REALLY ok to ask very specific questions, and ask to be shown evidence for the answers (banking apps, receipts for cash, credit reports etc). It feels controlling and horrible - it would be financial abuse in another situation. But when your lot is thrown in with a gambling addict, it’s the closest to financial safeguarding you can get.Â
Wishing you strength and persistence.Â
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