I don't know how to help...

Hi lily pad well you've found out early in your relationship. Unfortunately you can't stop him or fix him. Don't transfer any money to him regardless of what he says it's for. If you want real life support go to a gamanon meeting. Unfortunately a compulsive gambler will always be a compulsive gambler and unless they actively seek support in arresting the addiction it can go on for many many years in secret. You need to concentrate on you, try not to be dragged into the unhealthy behaviour. Don't feel guilty. Addiction feeds on secrets and lies. You don't have to tell everyone you know but it is advisable to confide in someone otherwise you become very isolated. It's ok to tell someone that their behaviour is not acceptable to you. If he does want to stop he should call the number you gave him, but as you say you can't do that for him.

Hi Lily Pad,

Welcome to the forum, and I think you’ve done yourself some good by posting here as it seems like you need a lot of support to be able to handle your partner’s gambling problem.

Just to make you aware, gambling problem gets worse if you don’t do anything about it, and it can easily get out of control. The more you gamble, the more you lose, and the more you chase your losses. It’s like a vicious cycle, actually.

To offer him more money anytime he asks for it is not helping him at all; it’s rather fuelling his gambling habit as you might have realised now.

I echo what fellow forum member (Merry go round) said; the best help you can offer him is to keep encouraging him to contact us for help and support. He’d contact Gamcare if he’s really serious and ready to stop gambling. Unfortunately, there isn’t much that you can do to stop him from gambling.

Try and look after yourself and your finances too. I suggest that you try and stay in touch with us so we can continue to support you, and please keep posting!

Kind regards,

Beatrice

No need to feel guilty for letting rip after he's conned you out of cash. Just be wary if he tries it again.

If he means what he says about stopping there's a wealth of advice and support available to him. It's a good idea to let him research it. Your priority is you and your own interests.

Thank you for replying. It’s actually good to know that there isn’t a lot I can do to help (in a funny sort or way) because I’d hate to not be able to help...

It’s been 2 days since I posted and he still hasn’t called although he assures me he will. I’m not daft enough to think he definitely means that. As they say, the proof is in the pudding.

He knows there will be no more money from me, even if it means he loses his own and cannot afford to eat while he’s away etc. And unfortunately, I’ve had to suggest us not moving in together quite as soon as we’d have liked - If I can’t rely on him to have money available to pay bills etc. then it just can’t happen.

I’m hoping that the realisation that gambling is preventing his (and our) life moving on, it might spur him to make a change. He was very interested in the meetings that are local to us so fingers crossed.

I will keep posting even if he doesn’t contact Gamcare himself - the biggest message I’m getting from speaking to people is I need to look after myself, not him! This seems like a nice place to start with that. 🙂

You are doing the right thing not moving in with your partner. Had I’d have known about my husband’s gambling habit before I married and moved in with him, I would have avoided it at all costs! It sounds like you’ve got your head in the right place to make wise decisions- good luck!

I am new here too and Lily Pad's opening heading - I don't know how to help - covers exactly how I feel although we are talking about my beloved son rather than a partner. Our son has been struggling with gambling for many years, he seems to stop for a while, quite a long while but it always pulls him back. I suggested a long time ago that he contact you but he say "only I can overcome this on my own". I have always believed him but I supsect, having read your reploes to Lily Pad that he is just making excuses, It's nice just to talk to you on here, I will keep popping in and in the meantime will try to get him to seek hepy, proper professional help. Thank you.

Hi facing up to it. If you start a 'new topic ' you will get more replies. Most compulsive gamblers don't recover alone. GA meeting, you can go to gamanon. Call gamcare and get some advice. Safeguard your money, don't pay debts. Unfortunately there are many excuses and reluctance to let the lost money go. It's hard to admit you've lost every penny and probably loans on top. Get help and support for yourself.

Hi there. I had this problem with my son while he worked away. Eventually He let me on his bank account and on his pay day I would transfer all of his money out of his account and send him some money as and when he needed it as long as I could see where it was going eg, food shopping. There were times when he got frustrated and annoyed that I was doing this but he knew it was in his best interest. He could have take me off his account at any time but didn’t. It is a very hard and stressful time for you and for him, it is not easy living a lie with this addiction. I supported my son but had to lay some rules down. It was a very rocky road with ups and downs and I would not wish this on any family but with hard work from him and your offer of support things can hopefully move on for you both.