Hi everyone,
I have been seeing a lovely guy for about 7 months however he has a serious addiction, he is good in the respect that he pays all of his bills but then he gambles the rest so he doesn’t have any money at all and feels very depressed when he loses... he has been pretty open and showed me his accounts on the website and flits between wanting help and not. I firstly didn’t realise how bad the problem is but I do now, I have lent him money and he pays us back then asks again, he is actually a sensible guy and has broken up with me (a lot!) as he feels he is holding me back. I am worried about him as he has said things like he will kill himself one day and he picks really hard at his fingers when he is stressing. I love him however this isn’t about me it’s about him, I don’t really know what to do? I said he needs to tell his family but he thinks they will kick him out? It’s hard to believe some of what he says because one minute he loves me and then when he loses he doesn’t? And then he wants me to look after his money and then he doesn’t? I’m sure these are all really familiar things but I’m seeking advice and any questions welcomed. Stuck between a rock and a hard place, I want to support him, not even as his partner but just because I care but I don’t know if I can?
Many thanks, Amy
Hi Amy it's great you are seeking advice. Firstly don't lend him money regardless of whether he pays it back. An addict is the only one who can stop. Telling his family is difficult for him because he really doesn't know what they will do. Just worry about you and how you react. Encourage him to seek help either GA or call gamcare. Secure your finances. If he doesn't seek help in stopping it's a lifelong addiction that gets progressively worse. It can lead to massive debts, mood changes and mental health issues. Depression is a very common cause or outcome of heavy gambling. Look after you. Call gamcare for advice too.
Hi Amy it's great you are seeking advice. Firstly don't lend him money regardless of whether he pays it back. An addict is the only one who can stop. Telling his family is difficult for him because he really doesn't know what they will do. Just worry about you and how you react. Encourage him to seek help either GA or call gamcare. Secure your finances. If he doesn't seek help in stopping it's a lifelong addiction that gets progressively worse. It can lead to massive debts, mood changes and mental health issues. Depression is a very common cause or outcome of heavy gambling. Look after you. Call gamcare for advice too.
Hi Amy,
It is good that he feels he can confide so much in you. The indecisiveness about wanting help is common. Gambling can cause a lot of confusion in the mind of the gambler.
Has he told you where he gambled i.e online, betting shops or casinos?
Has he considered self excluding? It's a difficult step but when it is done it is like an extra burden relieved.
it's important to place as many barriers in his way to prevent gambling being easily accessible.
if he feels he cannot tell his family yet would he talk to someone on here. Perhaps even if he read some diaries he would realise he is not alone going through this.
Take care
g
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